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#215569 - 04/05/08 12:34 PM not a child
nicky Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 261
i was a sex toy
that is all i ever was
held down
and played with
no feelings or emotions
just a body
with a childs mind
my heart wrenching screams
tore me apart
no one ever heard me
or so it seems

used
tossed to the side
always trying to run and hide
scared
and scareder
my soul forever taken
by one to many poeple
i was born forsaken

i will never be the same
im torn into small pieces
pieces of me forver gone
lost

my mind is like a whirlwind
never realy slowing down
my heart is frozen
from the hatred

memories attacking me
driving me insane
i just want this all to make sense
this boy
used
abused
simply thrown away
i was doomed from birth
i never knew
what love was
and now
my sick and twisted perception
may be holding me back from what i want

worthless
useless
merely a toy
just some fun for some poeple
is all i ever was
my voice was silenced
i was never to speak
this pain is restless
it overcomes me

i dont know how to explain
how dark my world can be
just because i hide it well
they dont know what its doing to me
how i cannot escape
my worst nightmares
my dreams were crushed

i cant give up
i need to fight
mo matter how much
my body shakes with fright

just a toy
just a little boy
his innocence
stolen
his memries
held inside
years later
its all attacking me
not strong
so easily destroyed

a teen boy
a child
a baby
tryed to grow up
and was tossed into
an unknown world
i did not know how to be a big boy
no more hiding behind the childhood wall
i imersed my sadness in candyland games
i had to always behave
i had to listen
or my
punishment was always
extreme

scared to speak
paralyzed in fear
afriad to acknowledge
all i know to be real
running away from what im afriad of

me


_________________________
i like the rain cause no one knows im crying

a strong man is one who is able to control himself when he is angry
what is your definiton of control?

i lay awake another hour
just like the one before
the shadows play a game with my head
i can't take this anymore

http://youtube.com/watch?v=x4EOw8wPBN8




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#215576 - 04/05/08 01:13 PM Re: not a child [Re: nicky]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
I completely feel for you Nicky
I hear your pain, I can relate to your feelings
You've put your feelings into words perfectly, i only wish i was talented enough to do that

Originally Posted By: nicky
i cant give up
i need to fight
mo matter how much
my body shakes with fright


what i've quoted there is something really worth holding on to, that strength is in you, and like people keep saying to me, you are not worthless, and you are going to make it, and i think you can fight this, and by the strength of your words i don't think you are going to let this hold you back from what you want

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#216275 - 04/07/08 07:18 PM Re: not a child [Re: king tut]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nicky,

I too hope you don't give up. Perhaps we can talk one day soon about how you are doing. Is that something you would be able to do? If so, just PM me.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#454906 - 11/23/13 07:39 PM Re: not a child [Re: nicky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3088
Loc: O Kanada
dear nicky,

this was an odyssey for me.
i was living your story through your words.
i was with you every step of the way.

not hard to connect, considering it echoes my own emotions.

i hope you have stopped running away from "you".
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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