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#215472 - 04/05/08 12:08 AM How do you cope and move on?
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
I am having a hard time coping with daily activity and life in general after coming forward about something that happened more than thirty years ago. I am constantly depressed and I keep thinking about what my life could have been like had this thing not happened.


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#215477 - 04/05/08 12:17 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: Dude.]
Iroll Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 8
Hey Dude..... I am right where you are right now and praying for a better future for both you anf me right now!!!


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#215481 - 04/05/08 12:24 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: Iroll]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I had never been abused. If I had been able to grow up normal and married the girl of my dreams had lots of kids and grandkids. I will never know. Maybe I would have become an arrogant insensitive jerk. Those tendancies were certainly there. Now at least I have some compassion, humility, generosity, and a love for the underdog in life. Who knows. These are the cards I was dealt with. I will play them as best I can.


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#215488 - 04/05/08 12:38 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: Freedom49]
Dude. Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/26/08
Posts: 106
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Freedom49
I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I had never been abused. If I had been able to grow up normal and married the girl of my dreams had lots of kids and grandkids. I will never know. Maybe I would have become an arrogant insensitive jerk. Those tendancies were certainly there. Now at least I have some compassion, humility, generosity, and a love for the underdog in life. Who knows. These are the cards I was dealt with. I will play them as best I can.


With me, I came out, and put that f@@ker in prison.

Now, I want that life you speak of.


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#215505 - 04/05/08 03:19 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: Dude.]
Magoo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 48
Loc: far, far away
I feel for you, Dude. I guess I'm still in the anger stage because I want to see him dead. I just opened up after 37 years. I was married for 15 years and divorced about 10 years ago. I was engaged to a beautiful woman and just last month my fiance broke off it off because she said I was absent, distant, depressed, etc. and I knew this was affecting my life. This ruined me and robbed me. I miss her deeply but I have to fix myself first.
Thanks for reading,
Peace


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#215507 - 04/05/08 04:00 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: Freedom49]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Originally Posted By: Freedom49
I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I had never been abused. If I had been able to grow up normal and married the girl of my dreams had lots of kids and grandkids. I will never know. Maybe I would have become an arrogant insensitive jerk. Those tendancies were certainly there. Now at least I have some compassion, humility, generosity, and a love for the underdog in life. Who knows. These are the cards I was dealt with. I will play them as best I can.


Roger;
I have asked myself this same question numerous times.
The best answer I can think of is inscribed in the words below.
It may not satisfy all our answers but it does make us contemplate life's puzzling journey.


Life's Weaving


Life is but a weaving
between my God and me;
I may not choose the colors,
He knows what they should be.

For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side,
While I can see it only
On this, the under side.

Sometimes He weaveth sorrow,
Which seemeth strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment,
And work on faithfully.

'Tis He who fills the shuttle,
He knows just what is best;
So I shall weave in earnest
And leave with Him the rest.

At last, when life is ended,
With Him I shall abide,
And I may view the pattern
Upon the upper side,

Then I shall know the reason
Why pain with joy entwined,
Was woven in the fabric
Of life that God designed.

.................Author Unknown



Edited by jcf1957 (04/05/08 04:02 AM)
_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#215551 - 04/05/08 11:48 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: jcf1957]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
I do not know what my life would been without the abuse. I have no chance to know that. None of us do. We can not do like 'It's a wonderful life" and see what would have happened different. Most people assume their life would been perfect, or at least much better. I know that perhaps, it could been even worse, and perhaps I would not be alive now or such. It is not so helpful to regret of what might been, to me. I have only what is now to live with.

VN


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#215609 - 04/05/08 03:16 PM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: VN]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
I was rared by a soldger while i was in the US army . I kept this secret for 30 years . Finaly something trigered the memory. that was 6 years ago and I havent ben the same sense.

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#215789 - 04/06/08 04:03 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
Dude and others,

I have done a lot of 'what if?' thinking myself. In my fantasy I would be married to a beautiful and loving wife, have wonderful kids, the perfect job, and everyone would love me!

But seriously, I am starting to accept I can never really know where I would be today if I took the variable of what happened to me out of my past. It is astronomically dumbfounding for me to even try and guess. I just have no clue, and there is no way of truly knowing (that doesn't mean I haven't tried). And who knows, as stated by VN, I could actually be in a worse off situation. There is just no way to know one way or the other.

I am not exactly there yet, but I am working on dealing with my life as it truly is today. I am trying to make things better and move forward, and create a positive reality for myself the best I can. In fact, the struggles I have gone through I think may have made me a better person in many ways. Not that I wouldn't love to not have these struggles, but they are there and what has been done has been done.

I know I will continue to have 'what if?' thoughts, but I am working on letting them go (on a side note, the 'what if?' thinking does at times help me get insight about what I might want in life going forward). If I can improve the life that I have today, then I think it will get easier to integrate my past and accept it for what it is and to be able to find some peace with where things are at in the now. Since I can't change what was, I am better served by trying to create what could be. Easier said then done, but I will keep trying to move in that direction.

Eric


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#215804 - 04/06/08 09:08 AM Re: How do you cope and move on? [Re: Dude.]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I don't bother myself with what ifs. They are nothing but a waste of time and energy when I could be doing something constructive. Live in the day and take it as it comes. I lived in my past for 25 years, now I can live for today,
Tomorrow is promised to no one.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
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