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#215207 - 04/03/08 10:11 PM How to remember now that I want to
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
For several years in high school, things were so bad I tried to sleep all the time. I'd come home from school, go to sleep, go to school, sleep. When I escaped from home at 18, I vowed I would never talk about high school and I didn't for many years. I escaped into my mind. Didn't even think about it. Over the years, "didn't" remember has become "couldn't" remember.

But now, I feel I need to remember to recover who I am. I lost the good with the bad. I feel I just don't know who I am anymore. It's a terrible feeling. So lost. So empty.

I have a few items from childhood that help me remember but most things are gone. How do you recover memories? Anyone gotten out of this?

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#215210 - 04/03/08 10:28 PM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: LandOfShadow]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I really don't know Allan. If anyone does I would like to know too. Do you have any year books or can you get them on line?


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#215211 - 04/03/08 10:34 PM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: Freedom49]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi memory seekers

At the risk of sounding whack... here goes

Go into a vintage clothing store and see what you remember
What smells were associated with the time?
Go to YouTube and search for music, commercials etc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ExVRfKHHRw

Hope this helps

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#215217 - 04/03/08 11:07 PM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: ineffable]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
LoS,

I have been in the same boat. Just sort short-circuited my memories. I have been remembering a lot lately. Quiting (or at least cut way down) my drinking has helped a lot. I think revisiting old music and stuff from whatever era might help as ineffable has mentioned. Yeah, I know about tossing out the good with the bad. And I felt the same way that I needed to get my memories back so I could sort through the past and try to put some sense into what happened. I guess just keep digging and let your mind open up to itself. Not sure what else to say (actually, pufferfish just added a really good list of ideas below).

Eric



Edited by ericc (04/04/08 01:19 AM)

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#215240 - 04/04/08 12:55 AM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: ericc]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6845
Loc: USA
old family albums
old yearbook albums
old maps
old city directories
old acquantances
music of your time
movies of your time
get news magazines (even on microfilm) at library
get Sears or other catalogs from your time at library (microfilm)
I couldn't remember how old I was connected with some memories, so I used computer generated calendars for my whole childhood.




Edited by pufferfish (04/04/08 01:00 AM)

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#215255 - 04/04/08 02:13 AM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: ineffable]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6845
Loc: USA
I couldn't remember most of my childhood.

I did have a few scattered memories. It turned out that the scattered memories were like the tips of icebergs. I could spot a tip and beneath it would be a large memory system. I just had to get in a quiet place and think of the tip of that iceburg and then let memories come up. Most of them are not bad so it wasn't unpleasant usually. Just take one iceberg every now and then. You don't want to move too rapidly

Then when I remembered something important I would try to find more information. I called the city library in a key city where I had lived as a child and the librarian actually kindly looked up information in something called the city directory for the year in question. She found the address of the house across the street where some abuse took place. She was able to give me the name of the family, where the dad worked, and the names of the children. They won't always do that for you.

I coordinated the above information in a calander I had printed out. I remembered that school had started right after labor day and presto I had the dates of events.

I got a copy of my dad's employment record which he had kept. It gave me the addresses where we lived and the dates when he started a new job. In other words, it told me when we had moved. If your dad was in the military and you can get his service number off of a dog tag or something, you can get his service record by writing to the DOD (I haven't done this but I still might).

Some living relatives remembered details which I couldn't.

If you have a name of a perp, or even if you don't, you can search the archives of major newspapers on line. I didn't have to pay for any articles until I knew they were what I wanted. It wasn't very expensive. There are other records of criminal activity, registered sex offenders, etc. These are easy to find. I am reluctant to spend money for these services. You can google names and get some important information inexpensively.

If you know the address where you lived as a child, you can use googlemap to follow streets on your computer. You can even switch it to aerial photo mode. For instance, you could start at your house and follow the route to your childhood school and back.

Sometimes you can find some old-timers from the area in question and just by talking to them they started offering information. They felt honored that someone was interested. I didn't blunder in and tell them anything about my interest in CSA. I kept that quiet usually.

Also you can use things that trigger you. Don't move too fast on this, though. The technique is to find a kind of isolated trigger and then when you are alone and in quiet, trace it in your mind to the childhood cause of the trigger. Use caution with this and you may want to be under the advice of a T for it. This I think is what EMDR does except it brings up emotional systems - I think by connecting with the emotional centers of the brain where a lot of those things are stored.

I had one counselor (or T) who used deep relaxation technique with me. It was with this that I recovered many of the early memories in the Pufferfish story part 1. The memories weren't necessarily bad at all. The first memory up was of me rolling on the floor with our new puppy. This was a fond memory.


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#215258 - 04/04/08 03:22 AM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: pufferfish]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Alan,

I found several years ago that I can't remember the school years after the abuse happened.

I thin they were so shameful and gloomy that my mind just decided to forget them.

However, I started trying to recollect at least something and although I did not have much progress, I remember something.

It was not high school, though, which I remember. These were 6-8 grades.

Try looking for photos, meet the old school mates, or find a T who helps with burried memories.

Take care,

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#215358 - 04/04/08 02:08 PM Re: How to remember now that I want to [Re: alexey]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
Are you sure that you want to bring up those memorys . You might not like what you find . There is a reason that the mind burys some things.

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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