i'm happy for you, Dan.
i guess being alone after a divorce can't be any worse than being alone during a marriage.

m

I'm happy for you too Mark. Happy that you have the strength to resolve the internal conflict that is terrible to have to live with. I have a lot of respect for you taking such a difficult step, it shows a lot of strength, but strength is what we all on this site seem to hve an abundance of.

I know I can't tell the universe how to work but I put out good thoughts for you and hope you do better than OK.

Dan

Post deleted by Trent

DESTROY? Where the ***** did THAT word come from?? My wife has no husband - she has someone who shares her house. We have no physical/emotional relationship. We rarely even sleep in the same bed. My children deserve a father that has the desire (and time) to want to spend time with them other than eating silent meals.

DESTROY???

And who (dare i ask) will be doing the "weighing"?

DESTROY???????????

i'm sorry i ever shared this issue. OBVIOUSLY i'm wrecking lives as i do.

Mark, My first wife seduced me , it took two years for her to succeed and finally she got pregnant. At that time in my life I believed what people said about having made my bed and needing to lie in it. So I had three children with her thinking that if I was going to be stuck with her for the rest of my life I might as well have kids so I can enjoy my life. Immature? absolutely. Short sighted? easy to see.

After seven years I talked with her mother who was seventy and a miserable old woman who hated everyone and life too. She and her husband were devote catholic so they didn't believe in divorce, instead they moved into seperate bedrooms and died miserable lonely people. I decided that life had to hold more fulfilment than that so I divorced. I fought for and got custody of my children, (even she admitted that I was the most loving and capable parent). I was satisfied with my decision and do not regret it.

After nearly a decade a person came into my life as if God had just dropped her down to me, but even if that hadn't happened I was satisfied with my decision to live an "honest" life and not one led by someone elses value judgment. I believe you can find a way to make the decision as easy as possible on everyone and I believe you will find that the people who love you will want your happiness too.

Here is a short poem I wrote about the experience:
My way


I am wary of people offering me
a way they are sure I should take
a thousand wrong steps on a well worn trail
will never a correct path make
I’d rather stumble and weave a bit
call on god if I make a mistake
and know the direction I move from here
won’t label me “fraud” or “fake”

Be kind to yourself Mark,
PEACE,
Dan

kind to myself?
i don't think that's permitted unless all others in the universe are getting more.
it is clearly wrong to pass injustice to anyone - so if anyone must suffer - then it must be me.

better than ruining someone else's life

why would one person be any more or less important that anyone else? Why does any one have to "suffer"? Suffer what? your making a decision about the direction you want your life to go.
My daughters and I had some tough times but they are all adults now and agree that I made the right decisio. No one is suffering.

A thought, Trent... who is destroyed if a person finally decides to be true to themselves.... to be the person he IS rather than the person he thinks others want him to be. As surivors, so many of us give up our "selves"... I think that Mark's effort to express himself and his identity should be celebrated. Is seeking peace within your heart really destructive?

Just some thoughts. I understand where you are coming from. There will be pain, there will be adjustment, there will be many emotions, but no one will be destroyed... there are too many cases here at MS where the contrary is true.

Dan

Actully Mark there is an answer. In the video cours "Valient Men" Dr. Alan Meyer and australian reasearcher has done some extensive study of the subject of sexualization and "rewiring" of the brain to fight sexual addiction and stuff and has a lot to say about how the brain's pleasure center gets messed up when we are sexualized inappropriately at an early age and what we can do about it. I tried a few of is experiements on myself and was very impressed with the results. I was sexualized by my dad and even though attracted to women. Felt a strong attraction to males all my life and ruined my first marriage. I tried to be "gay" and had a lover and was promiscious etc. but found it was not what I really wanted at all. Now re married for 19 years and a daughter going on 13 yo I am very happy. You just have to decide what you really want/need and then do the hard work to get there. PM me if you want more info.

Thanks Roger..
There's another possible answer I need to keep in mind.
It is possible I am gay, in which case my wife needs the opportunity to decide for herself whether or not to stay in what would remain a relationship with no physical elements.

Not to mention my choice of living my life as the person I was created.

m