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#213325 - 03/26/08 06:29 PM I can't share my struggles with my family
jmtack2007 Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/24/08
Posts: 7
Loc: USA
All of my siblings were physically, sexually, verbally and emotionaly abused. There's no doubt that my mother and father were too. I can see where the abuse fucked my sister and brother up. I can see where the abuse fucked me up. It's well-known secret but we all pretend that nothing happened because that is the way we were raised.
I don't feel i could ever talk about the abuse with my mother because she was the one who told me that the reason why she allowed my pedo father access to me was because I needed a dad. She never took respondsibility. It's something that she'd throw in my face. Fuck her.
I have no friends but when I did, I could not ponder telling them why I was the way I was because of some of the abuse. They would not understand. They would think I was just being dramatic when I was really suffering. There's a stigma of male sexual abuse survivors. No one wants to deal with them. I've tried to move on but I continue to have a few challenges.

1. How do I explain to people that my family is fucked up and convince them to give me a chance to prove that I'm not one of them? People who say that people are accepting is total utter bullshit. People judge you for who your family is.

2. How do i explain to people that I feel uncomfortable being in certain situations where I feel vunerable? I am not a social person because I feel more in control when I am by myself. people can't let me down or hurt me if I am on my own. But I do get lonely.


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#213328 - 03/26/08 06:38 PM Re: I can't share my struggles with my family [Re: jmtack2007]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
jmtack
I think your doing that just fine here in your posts. I can relate to the feelings of have a "bad family" and the stigma that goes with that. I don't say anything anymore and just let my actions dictate how they accept or reject me. The good people will accept me and the mean or bad people will always find a reason not to. That is ok with me. A man is know by the friends he has and also by the enemies that dislike him. If the right people dislike me then I think I am doing ok. On this site you will be believed. On this site you will be accepted. On this site you will find friends. Welcome to Malesurvivor.org. Your among friends.


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#214665 - 04/01/08 03:18 PM . [Re: Freedom49]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
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#214669 - 04/01/08 04:28 PM Re: I can't share my struggles with my family [Re: jmtack2007]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I don't think people judge you for who your family is, at least intelligent people don't.

My first day at university, a crazy looking professor inquired about our status as students, are we first generation, did our parents go to university, what do our parents work as, and for a moment i thought they would take a bad view on me, but they didn't, they saw me as a person trying hard, and they've rewarded me for my efforts, and they've told me that i've been working well. They see me for what i do, irrelevant of my family. And then when people know your family are full of sick people, i don't know what other people would think about that, but i know that i wouldn't think bad about a person just because his family were messed up, and i'm not talking bullshit, but maybe i have a different perspective to other people i don't know.

I think it is a real fear that we wont be able to grow past the stigma, but people have, and i always think that if one person can do something then i can too, i do think that we can achieve things if we really try hard.

I don't know how to get people to understand the way we react to things sometimes, that is a difficulty for me, that's why i too like to be by myself lots of the time too. I don't think people will understand some of the things we feel, if i feel strongly about something i sometimes just state something with a big fat bullet point and offer no explanation, just a statement, and i stand by things as if it is a normalcy and up-held idea, people don't argue or inquire about things like that, when you say with a strength and clarity which even convinces others of the validity of the feeling without even having to explain the nature of the feeling.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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