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#21463 - 07/28/05 11:41 PM Medicb4
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tonight we've recieved the sad news that MedicB4, Scott, has taken his own life on Tuesday.

Scott's wife ends her message by saying "I'm so tired of the offenders winning over us, harming us, destroying our lives. I need to keep going, I just don't know how."

I'm sure that we all share and understand her feelings.

Please spare a thought or a prayer for her and their two young children at this tragic time.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#21464 - 07/29/05 12:01 AM Re: Medicb4
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
I am trying to take deep breaths, the tears refuse to flow, my mind is spinning. Please send my sympathies to Scott's wife and children. I hope she has loved ones around her to help her through this terrible time and the challenges she will face.

She does need to keep going and the way how is to look into the innocence in her children's eyes. She needs to protect them and stop this cycle of pain.

I'm stunned. And saddened. And angry.


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#21465 - 07/29/05 12:13 AM Re: Medicb4
Rustam Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/04
Posts: 473
Loc: UK
Shocked and saddened, I wish his family all the strength they need, how awful.
Scott RIP.
Too sad.

Peter


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#21466 - 07/29/05 01:23 AM Re: Medicb4
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
It cannot be understood. When last night I answer on private messages, there was a message from this man, to offer me support and 'embrace' for me speaking my history. I answer him to thank him so, and to hope, that we can help each other with it. And that message, it will never be read. I was capable I shall never help him as he gives me the help. I find it awful. My big regrets to his wife and children. I most of all regret, that they should transfer consequences of his decision. And my heart - with him who, should be, felt like so alone and despair to make it, notwithstanding who he should help him. This fully is terrible to me.

VN


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#21467 - 07/29/05 01:26 AM Re: Medicb4
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Dammit this is happening too often. When will society wake up and realize that this crime against us is horrendous. They seem to be in denial. Every time I open a newspaper or see the news some other asshole has been arrested for molesting young people.

I cannot condone suicide because when a life is taken the creeps win and I cannot abide that. I grieve for Scott and his family. We cannot bring him back but we can make sure that we stay the course and are here for each other.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#21468 - 07/29/05 01:26 AM Re: Medicb4
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
My prayers and sympathies to Scott's family at this difficult time.

It's difficult to know what to say at such a time. Perhaps one thing is that when we lose someone like this his life and struggle should be honored by trying even harder to win through ourselves. As Scott's wife says: "I am so tired of the offenders winning over us."

Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#21469 - 07/29/05 07:48 AM Re: Medicb4
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Very sad. A

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#21470 - 07/29/05 09:30 AM Re: Medicb4
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I thought he was getting through this, but we know that is never a sign.

Three in a week is far too many, and I am sad for this guys family, they must be in real grief,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#21471 - 07/29/05 10:40 AM Re: Medicb4
Kirk Wayne Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 499
Loc: Shrewsbury UK
Four lives ruined in one go through CSA, when will this end?

The survivors that I have heard of that have taken their own lives now is into double figures and I suspect there are many, many more. When are our leaders and politicians going to see the light.

"Three in a week", one a year is one too many.

Kirk
"Instigate change, as it appears it wont come naturally in our cause. Sometimes it needs a little forcing".


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#21473 - 07/29/05 01:16 PM Re: Medicb4
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jasper,

I was wondering much the same thing once I heard of Scott's death. It really hit me hard in the wake of other things that have happened here recently.

I too wonder if something can be done here about this problem. I take the point that the BoD and mods are not running a suicide crisis center here, and that this sort of thing is a lot different from just managing and focusing discussion among survivors of CSA. But I would like to ask if this can at least be looked at. Specifically:

  • Is the suicide warning properly worded? Does it give a message that can be misinterpreted?
  • Is there any way of establishing a kind of "safety net" here? I'm not sure what I mean by that. Certainly not any kind of formal counselling service, but just some way that someone in danger can be snagged before things get out of hand and helped to seek professional help. I ask because so many of us have very close personal friendships here, and might be more willing to speak to a friend here than to ring a hotline.

The guys at risk are our friends and brothers, so of course we want to do something - or see something done. But here are some points I think we all have to accept in this very sensitive and triggering area:

  • This is a can of worms and for all kinds of practical - not to mention legal - reasons it may not be possible to do anything more. A website cannot save the world from boyhood SA and its consequences.
  • It is not reasonable to ask the the BoD or mods to consult us or start a dialogue on this one. It they think things might require a fresh look, fine, but they are the trained professionals and are best equipped to handle such matters.
  • The BoD and mods already have a pile of pending issues to deal with: 3-4 major items that I know of, and I assume there are others.
  • It is not immediately clear to me how or if a discussion of points relevant to this issue can be pursued while maintaining the very important ban on threatening self-harm here.

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#21475 - 07/29/05 02:59 PM Re: Medicb4
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jasper,

Big hugs little brother. What you said wasn't stupid - you were just in a bad patch anyway. These things happen. The important thing is to learn from the experience, integrate it in a positive way, and move on. That is how we learn.

Your thread on prosecution wasn't stupid either, and I can't see any reason why you should think it had anything to do with what happened to Scott. No one here is at fault. Please do believe that.

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#21476 - 07/29/05 04:07 PM Re: Medicb4
bkeithb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/23/05
Posts: 63
Loc: Milwaukee
So very sad to hear of Scott's suicide. Prayers will go up for his wife and children.

"Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

_________________________
bkeithb

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#21477 - 07/29/05 04:33 PM Re: Medicb4
sabooka Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 209
Loc: I would like to know also
I am filled with sadness that a life ended to early. I feel for his family and send them my prayers.

Jonathan

_________________________
My happiness is not dependant on other people's misery.

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#21478 - 07/29/05 04:43 PM Re: Medicb4
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
(((((Scott))))) - Rest well - you will be hurt no more...

My prayers and sympathies go out to his family

I honestly did'nt get a chance to know scott very well - but it angers me greatly when the perps win and take another away from us...

The Leaders of governments all over this world need to wake up and start realizing that this is no 'little problem' - scott's leaving this life has effected far more than just 1 person...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#21479 - 07/29/05 05:08 PM Re: Medicb4
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
I feel sadness for Scott. I feel heartbreak and despair for his family...I know what it is like to lose a loved one to suicide. I feel guilt and shame over this man's decision to end his life, not that I would have been able to sway him one way or another.

I feel guilt because I let my fears prohibit me from ever responding to his posts or even reading most of them. Things happened here so many months ago, until I feel stupid continuing to be paranoid of others. It makes no sense to be afraid of the 'possibility' of being hurt, especially when there is the very real possibility I could say or do something to help a fellow brother on this site that is hurting or in pain. We are all brothers in this, together. Maybe no one else is as paranoid as I am, but I would urge each of you to step out of your own shadow of fear, and try to help each other so that this tragedy does not repeat itself.

I lost a friend at Christmas to suicide, also with 2 young children. His family is still trying to come to grips with the loss. Many of you know that I lost my own son to suicide in May to suicide. I agree totally with Mikey: "Dammit this is happening too often."

Please read Lloydy's post regarding suicide. Please talk yourself into waiting at least 24 hours before doing anything to harm yourself. Please get help if you feel this is your only option left in life. IT ISN'T! There is ALWAYS a tomorrow. There are people to talk to.

Remember as Mikey told us, "when a life is taken, the creeps win and I cannot abide by that." None of us can abide by that!

Know that Scott is no longer in pain. He is with God. At the same time know that his family is in extreme pain. My thoughts and prayers are with them.


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#21480 - 07/29/05 05:27 PM Re: Medicb4
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I've copied Jaspers & Roadrunners posts and will start a new topic where we can discuss the problems associated with suicide, and leave this topic free.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#21482 - 07/29/05 05:49 PM Re: Medicb4
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Guys, please stop posting in this thread, Scott's wife is a member here, and she will be reading this stuff.

Please be careful, and appreciate her grief,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#21483 - 07/29/05 06:14 PM Re: Medicb4
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast
I'll hold Scott and his family in the light.

(its a quaker saying, its the same as holding them in my thoughts and prayers)

_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

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#21484 - 07/31/05 02:19 AM Re: Medicb4
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Nothing I can say will mean much - we care!!

Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#21485 - 08/01/05 10:26 PM Re: Medicb4
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
May God take care of Scott's family, and may He welcome him home to the peace he deserves.

I didn't know him very well, but having cared for and lost two people here who are dear to me, one through suicide, well, this still hits hard.

Sometimes I wish the pain could be visited on those who caused these things in us one hundredfold. But they wouldn't care. They wouldn't understand.

I also wish, something I have to remind myself when the self-destructive thoughts hit me, that when someone comes close to doing this, no matter how much it may hurt at the time, that they know it will pass. Pain always passes. Death is forever. And even when you try to make it clear to your loved ones that they weren't the reasons you took the way out, they will ALWAYS blame themselves. They will always feel that hurt. That's something I will try NEVER to leave those who love me as a last memory.

I hope people learn from this sort of thing.

God, Scott, I'm sorry, my brother. I'm praying for you and your family. I know you've found your peace.

Peace and love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#21486 - 08/22/05 10:13 PM Re: Medicb4
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
I posted this on pandys.org, and feel it should be here also.
MedicB4/ Scott, was fairly new on malesurvivor.org, but most people took a liking to him right away. I think both me and Scott signed up on pandys.org on the same day. He started in posting to everyone, while I held back, that's just the way we are. I was surprised to find Scott on here, as I had not told anyone that I was coming over here. I did make sure that he knew that I was here also, and he accepted that.

After Finding out that he had passed away, I read his posts on both pandys.org and malesurvivor to try to understand why. Here is what I understand, he had a very bad type of SA which ended with his mom committing suicide and dieing in his arms. He was going through a very rough time in his own marriage. Also one of the last posts that he read and replied to was my story about how I was raped at knife point. My story is a very graphic story. Even though, I had the mods over at malesurvivor.org add extra warnings to the story, he read it anyway. Some how with all of this going on in his head at the sometime it was to much for him, and he took his own life.
I liked Scott, and will miss him. I hope he has found the peace he was seeking.

Take care,
Lostcowboy

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#21488 - 08/23/05 12:06 PM Re: Medicb4
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
LC, I never talk about kn*ves here, because they are big triggers, and sometime back, a person wrote a post with big triggers, so I got a mod to put triggers on it.

It is not for any of us to reason why somebody chooses exit, but we should just embrace the good thoughts of the person.

Suicide is far too common in all cultures, but nobody listens to the messages, or listens and learns from past events.

When society turns away from basic human instincts, then it starts to lose itself to some projection of peer forces.

Society should listen and care, and to project an image of wanting to find answers to the deep and profound problems, that it forms within itself,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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