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#214557 - 04/01/08 04:02 AM So this is the story of what can happen at a WoR
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Hey guys...this is long, but please indulge...I think you will realize it is worth it.

I'm just back from Sequoia 2008 WoR...and as I have stated at the beginning of each of the two WoRs I have attended, I was hoping for a breakthrough in something I had no idea I needed a breakthrough in.

I knew I was living out of shame...my therapist points it out every time I do or say something that indicates it, and I even have started to occassionally notice when I do it myself...but that was not the issue on my mind when I arrived at Sequoia.

I've been thinking about how I watch myself not stand up for myself, and not defend myself, and do nothing to stop it...

And I've been thinking about how I am still terrified most of the time to have sex with my partner, because I'm afraid he's going to do something that will hurt me and not realize he's doing it, and I'm going to let him do it anyway, because I don't want him to be hurt again because he feels like I don't want to have sex with him, which hits at his own self esteem...

And how I am really close to getting angry with my mother, because she practically disowned my adopted brother last week, not to mention let men manipulate her to get to me...and already on the verge of being angry with my father, for abandoning me and sentencing me to being preyed on by abusers...being close and on the verge is pretty good for the guy who does not get angry.

Yeah...I thought those were some of the things my Sequoia Weekend would be about...oh, NO, said the universe...that was not it...

I knew something was up when not 5 minutes into our first small group, my heart started hurting...which I learned in Alta meant that my little boy had something to say that I have been suppressing for a long time...but when I searched my mind, I could not come up with anything that seem to satisfy him as being the right thing.

I know I've been the guy who doesn't express/have emotions, especially as it relates to my abuse, all my life...when I told my story at Alta, despite the fact that I listened to 6 other guys first and got physically ill from the emotional overload I took in, I still gave a rendition of my story that was little more than a slightly tearful weather report...but the net result was, later that day, I met my little boy...and man, did that exilarate me...that and 4 other smaller breakthroughs made that a weekend I'll never forget (some of you probably read my post about that).

Well, this time, I did the same thing...I listened to the 6 other guys...allowing myself to connect to my own emotions, by connecting to their emotions, as we all listened to each others' stories...and then something strange happened...

As the last guy before me finished, I just blurted out "I wish I had the strength I heard in your voice"...and then several other people gave feedback, etc...

As I prepared to start, I didn't know what I was going to say...but as I started, I suddenly became incredibly focused, and suddenly felt some power surge through me...and as I told my story, I focused on the specific details that made me the broken, emotionless, shamed little boy that I have been for a long time...I saw every detail with such clarity and connected so powerfully to how I felt about each and every thing I said, that as I was near the end, and I heard the timer say "You need to wrap up", I blubbered though my raging emotions, "I have only one more thing I have to say"...she reassured me that I had time...and I spoke the unspeakable shame that has been keeping me down and keeping me coming from that shameful place...but I didn't just say the words, I felt the hurt and the sorrow, and yes, the burning shame, in a way that so overwhelmed me, I thought I was going to pass out or explode...and finally...yes, finally, the unspeakable shame has no where to hide anymore.

I am sure you had to be there to feel the full impact of it, but trust me that room was not big enough for the emotion that raged out of me.

It took a few minutes for the facilitator to talk me down...but when he did, I never felt so strong or powerful in my whole life, and I want to acknowledge my small group members for that gift...John, Chris, Andy, Tony, Ken and Bill; not to mention our facilitators, Sandi and Bill...I can never say thank you enough.

The lesson learned hear is:

Dare to wish for what you need...you might just actually just get it.

Peace and Joy,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214559 - 04/01/08 05:31 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a WoR [Re: JorgeR]
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
Good for you man, thats awesome. I'm really happy for you. I'm hoping to go on a weekend retreat at somepoint, just have to get that money stashed away.

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

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#214563 - 04/01/08 05:44 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: USFbull]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
USFBull,

They have scholarships...we work hard to make sure that no man gets turned away due to lack of financial resources...if you want to go, please apply! Please!

Peace,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214567 - 04/01/08 05:51 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
I'm getting a 200$ tax return so that should help, but for non-members I think its somewhere in the 700$ range plus transit costs. My goal is around 500$. But I will be applying for a scholarship.

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

Top
#214570 - 04/01/08 05:59 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
I looked at the possibility of one day going to a WOR, conference or one of the many meetings held for survivors in the US, but upon looking at the rules for entry to the US.
I found that because i have two convictions for drug use and possession, been in prison, been sectioned and been convicted for several petty offences.
This is a no no for me, because of this i would never be able to enter the US.

So any help these could give me are shut off from me for good, you are so very fortunate to have these resource's, so i agree. if you want to go, please apply.

Ben


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#214571 - 04/01/08 06:04 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: SEVEN ARROWS
I looked at the possibility of one day going to a WOR, conference or one of the many meetings held for survivors in the US, but upon looking at the rules for entry to the US.
I found that because i have two convictions for drug use and possession, been in prison, been sectioned and been convicted for several petty offences.
This is a no no for me, because of this i would never be able to enter the US.

So any help these could give me are shut off from me for good, you are so very fortunate to have these resource's, so i agree. if you want to go, please apply.

Ben


Sorry to hear about that Ben. Hopefully there is something out there for you. Your location hits home for me though. I grew up in a military family, half my family on my mothers side is english, she was born in raised in liverpool. Thats where my perp is at. How irrelevant that may be, hopefully you can find something out there.

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

Top
#214581 - 04/01/08 08:36 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: USFbull]
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Jorge,

Reading this makes me real happy for you. It is time you get what you dare to wish for. I hope you get the opportunity to deal with your family issues in a positive way, also.

One day I may go to a WoR. I am so afraid for some reason. I tend to live in denial. Going to a WoR would mean acknowledging a lot of things I have kept secret for decades. One day...


Top
#214584 - 04/01/08 08:44 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: FLRich]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Jorge, I too was at WoR this last weekend and I know EXACTLY what you mean. It will take me a day or two to process and express it but I will. My heart is still just to full at the moment. Thank you for sharing this.


Top
#214610 - 04/01/08 11:05 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: Freedom49]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Jorge,

I will soon also post my reflections and awesome experiences at the WoR.

I just couldn't be happier for you. Your story was profound. I was so moved as were all the rest of our group. I was honored to be there with you. The experiences and revelations I received this past week will be in my mind forever. I am truly a better person than I was just a few days ago.

Miracles really do happen!!!!!

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#214612 - 04/01/08 11:08 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: SEVEN ARROWS]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Ben,

I know this is a stretch (the whole all under the crown the thing)...can you go to Cananda? There will be one there in November.

Peace,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214613 - 04/01/08 11:10 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: Freedom49]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Roger,

*smile* yeah it was an amazing weekend...I never felt so much good energy buzzing around. I am so glad you were there.

Peace,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214615 - 04/01/08 11:12 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: KENKEN]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Oh, Ken...

You freakin made me cry...

I love you brother.

Peace & Joy,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214651 - 04/01/08 01:34 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Jorge,

I am glad that this weekend was a powerful one for you

I have heard guys here over the years say that no matter how many weekends of recovery they've been to- they always get something new from every weekend they go to

I wish that somehow the government would pull their heads out of their @sses and give organizations like MS the funding that they need to help all of those who seek help in overcomming their pasts - we did not ask for these things to be done to us - why should we bear all of the financial burdon of trying to undo what was done to us...

I am going to do all in my power to make it to Alta this fall - though money will be very tight...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#214658 - 04/01/08 02:43 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: TJ jeff]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Jeff,

Good to hear from you!

We had one 4 timer and a few 2 timers (lol) at this weekend, but the large majority it was their first...and I'd say everyone who this was not their first said exactly that, they got something different. I'll miss you in Alta, schedule conflict, though I really want to attend a Level 2...I know, I know, greedy bitch, aren't I ;-)

Peace & Joy,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214817 - 04/02/08 10:59 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I wish I was there! Jorge I'm so proud of you!


Top
#214858 - 04/02/08 05:54 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a WoR [Re: JorgeR]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Hi Jorge, it's me... Allen from Sequoia. Thank you for sharing your story. The retreat this past weekend was so painful yet so healing for me. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and feelings. I feel as though I can relate, I have spent the majority of my life mastering the ability to bury my emotions, and keep the memories of things past in a secret/dark places that no on is allowed to witness.

When you state that you don't have or express emotions, I felt touched. You expressed so much emotion at the retreat, and I envy that. Although I was not in your group, you touched my heart in many other ways and impressed upon me that I too may have the capability of allowing others even a little peek into my past, and exposing my vulnerabilities even if just a little bit.

After the first day of the retreat, I wrote in my journal that I hated it, that I didn't want to be there, and I was looking for some way to escape. The second day was really rough on me, and I felt so distraught. That day, I wrote in my journal that I really didn't hate being there, but what I hated was the way it was making me FEEL. Feeling so much that I was loosing control! And yet as I have processed somd of these "feelings" I finally realized that I am alive.

I haven't told anyone this, and no one at the retreat knows (yet), but Sunday morning my heart was breaking. I went to breakfast and I felt an overwhelming feeling of despair that I was afraid was going to explode out of me. I literally ran out from breakfast, and hid behind the water tower in some of the bushes where no one could see me. I fell apart, and cried so hard... I wasn't going to go back to the lodge, I didn't want that vulnerability to be seen by anyone. Just minutes before we had to begin, I somehow found the strength to go back (probably because I was freezing to death). I spent the time during small group trying to push the feelings back down. Then at our closing gathering I was sitting right next to you. I felt your strength, the look in your eyes was so calming to me, and you "raised me up." I almost collapsed. But thank you for your strength, and for witnessing to others that we can live.


Top
#214941 - 04/03/08 12:26 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
supertalented Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 8
Loc: New York
Jorge --

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is amazing and gives me faith that we can and do heal. Congratulations.

Best, J


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#214943 - 04/03/08 12:44 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a WoR [Re: Roofus]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Roofus,
I so wanted to talk to you during the retreat. I could feel something in you wanting to come out and be released. I went out of my way several times to say hi and finally to hug you before I left. I wish there had been more time to get to know more people better. There was such pain in your eyes. I regret now getting so caught up in my stuff that I did not reach out to you like I wanted to. I am glad the dam is breaking on those emotions. It will be scary and chaotic but when it settles down you will know your alive and real and that you can love and be loved. Stay strong. You have more courage than you realize. YOU STAYED!


Top
#214946 - 04/03/08 01:11 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
NWcats Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 70
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Jorge-
I'm so glad you had the experience you had. I too had an amazing experience this past weekend and hope to put in words as you did so well what I took away.

I know I came away with an incredible new support network and I'm glad to see it continuing here.

Peace to you,
Jackson

_________________________
*** WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008 ***
*** Alta Advanced Weekend September 2008 ***
Ask me about both!

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#214956 - 04/03/08 02:24 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: Curtis St. John]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Curtis,

Now you know why I volunteered for the board...I have to do whatever I can to make this program not only continue, but grow...

Peace & Joy,
Jorge


Top
#214960 - 04/03/08 02:43 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: Roofus]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Dear Allen,

Yes...I noticed how hard you struggled...this weekend was hard for me, because I noticed how hard several people struggled...much the way I imagine I struggled in Alta, and that I noticed others struggled in Alta...but this time, I had enough freedom about me to notice it in others, and to feel bad that I could not help each and every one.

I wish there was enough time and energy to reach and help everyone...but we all know that is not what this is about...as it was I was acting like one participant's mother until I realized I was doing it...I did try to talk to as many people as I had the room and energy for...I remember at the end of the day on Saturday that I specifically sat down next to Dale at dinner, because I could not cry one more tear, I could not handle one more heartache, I could not hold one more fellow survivor up...I was channelling too much emotion...and had been since listening to the 6 stories of my other group members, and my carthartic telling of my own...and I knew Dale would make me laugh...and he did...so I held up...

Originally Posted By: Roofus

When you state that you don't have or express emotions, I felt touched. You expressed so much emotion at the retreat, and I envy that. Although I was not in your group, you touched my heart in many other ways and impressed upon me that I too may have the capability of allowing others even a little peek into my past, and exposing my vulnerabilities even if just a little bit.


When I was in Alta, I used the emotion I gathered from listening to my group members' stories to help me connect to my own...and it made me physically ill...it was too much too soon....this time I did the same thing, but my capacity to handle it has grown and you see the result in my story. You will get there...I hope that you left Sequoia with that hope, a real hope, that you will get there.

Originally Posted By: Roofus

After the first day of the retreat, I wrote in my journal that I hated it, that I didn't want to be there, and I was looking for some way to escape. The second day was really rough on me, and I felt so distraught. That day, I wrote in my journal that I really didn't hate being there, but what I hated was the way it was making me FEEL. Feeling so much that I was loosing control! And yet as I have processed somd of these "feelings" I finally realized that I am alive.


One of my group members said in the first small group that he just didn't see any point...I told him to wait 48 hours and see how he felt...

He told me at the last small group, that I was right...he now has that hope that I got in Alta, that I really will heal, and really will feel "normal", whatever that is...

Originally Posted By: Roofus

I spent the time during small group trying to push the feelings back down. Then at our closing gathering I was sitting right next to you. I felt your strength, the look in your eyes was so calming to me, and you "raised me up." I almost collapsed. But thank you for your strength, and for witnessing to others that we can live.


Don't do it, don't push them back down, they will only rise up again and again until you acknowledge them, feel them, and release them...

in Alta, I committed myself to listening to my little boy whenever he needs me too...and he needed me to listen to and feel his shame this weekend...

I did, and now...it has no where to hide anymore...my heart is free of it.

You can do this...YOU are worth it.

Peace, Joy & a big hug,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#214961 - 04/03/08 02:52 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: NWcats]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Jackson,

:-)

My brave roomy...I know you were having a hard time too...but I didn't realize how much so until that one moment when you cried on my shoulder.

The impulse is always to protect the person and stop them from crying...but I know I need to cry...I need to get angry...and I know I need to let it all out...and you do too...so I was prepared to give you that shoulder until you were done.

As a popular country sound from just a few years back once said "I hope you dance", as in have fun and joy in your life, but I also hope you and little Jackson cry...because he deserves to be heard.

Peace, Joy & Love,
Jorge


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#214962 - 04/03/08 03:05 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: FLRich]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Rich,

My secret was safe for 30 years...we had guys in Sequoia that had their secret for as many as 51 years...how long do you really want to wait to really start living?

We had an 18yo and 21yo...and I told them both how lucky they were to be doing this work at this age...rather than after a lifetime of isolation and broken relationships.

I know it's hard...every man there struggled...some wanted to leave every minute they were there...but, I bet not one man that was there would tell you that they wish they didn't go...and further I bet, every man would say they are different today than before they got there.

The next one is in GA...that's close to you...think about it....YOU and little Rich are worth it.

Peace & Joy,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#215032 - 04/03/08 11:36 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a WoR [Re: Freedom49]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Thanks for your thoughts... When there are so many people, and so much emotion it's difficult to get to know everyone. I think we all wanted to get to know others at a deeper level, but there just wasn't time. I appreciate your comments, and I look forward to getting to know you using other means of communication. Perhaps here we can get to know each other better.


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#215034 - 04/03/08 11:44 AM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Jorge,

thank you for your strength. You are clearly an example to many. Im so glad you made this time your time. I agree, taking on the emotions and pain of so many others is extremely consuming. I have learned a great deal from you, and look forward to learning more from you.


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#215098 - 04/03/08 02:19 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: Roofus]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Jorge,

I watched you throughout the weekend at various times and I was always amazed at the positive energy you put forth. It made it possible for a lot of people, myself included, to participate fully in the weekend.

I'm still processing the weekend myself, but I wanted to tell you that. I'll write more about my experience later.

Take care,
Dwayne


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#215099 - 04/03/08 02:21 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: Dewey2k]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Allen,

You did GREAT my friend. I could tell how hard you worked to stay present and in the moment. Don't think for a minute that anyone in group thought it was easy for you to speak there... but as was said above, YOU STAYED! Keep in touch, buddy. Keep reaching out. You aren't alone any longer.

Dwayne


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#215113 - 04/03/08 02:44 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a WoR [Re: JorgeR]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Jorge,

It is so empowering to listen to waht you have said.

I think that stories like yours heal other men, and me personally.

I also think that someday I shall attend a WoR and see what happens to me.

Thank you.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#215414 - 04/04/08 07:24 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: alexey]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Alexey,

It will be a really cool day when WoR's are available to you in your country...but if you don't want to wait until then, I hope you can get to one over here!

Peace & Joy,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

Top
#215429 - 04/04/08 08:54 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
ObiWan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 35
Loc: Florida, USA
Hey, Jorge,

As it happens, my wife and I were watching the Bird Cage again last night, and I couldn't help but think of your "Twila! Twila! Twila!" during shame busting. I had so much FUN doing that, and I am so pleased that you did too (which was evident!) More importantly, I am so pleased that you had a chance to re-empower yourself after all the years of shame and hiding and broken dreams. Nothing has been more powerful healing in my entire life than this WOR, and I will treasure it, and the new friends I have made, always! Rock on!

Your Brother in Recovery,

Jeff in FL

_________________________
WOR Alumni Sequoia March 2008
WOR Alumni Alta Sept. 2008
My whole life has changed in the past year...
divorced, but have begun living again
and trying to thrive...


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#215573 - 04/05/08 12:45 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: ObiWan]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA
Jeff,

*grin* I'm not sure if me doing "Twila! Twila! Twila!" is a visual I'd want stuck in my head, but I'm glad you got a good laugh out of it.

You don't know how proud of me I was...in Alta, I did that eyes closed moving to the music thing, and just about came unglued...I had no idea I was so self-conscious. Because of that experience, I had worked on just feeling free about my body and moving it...I mean, I'm gay and I'm latin, all I have to do is hear a good beat and my hips start moving...but in Sequoia, I discovered that I have a lot more freedom around it now.

That freedom gave me the room to really play and enjoy the whole evening, which after how heavy Saturday is at a WoR, was something I REALLY needed.

I know exactly how you feel...I came home from my first WoR with the first real hope I have had in my life that I will "recover"...and I feel even stronger about it today.

Peace & Joy to you and your wife,
Jorge

_________________________
I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

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#215583 - 04/05/08 01:30 PM Re: So this is the story of what can happen at a W [Re: JorgeR]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Well, I am embarassed to admit this but as a tensio breaker for me I am the one who did the Twyla twyla twyla. Jorge was the one who was asking who knew what that meant and where it was from and I was surprised at all the hands that went up. I just felt so silly waving my hands around like Robin Williams in The Birdcage I couldn't resist.


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