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#214094 - 03/30/08 12:20 AM .
JustJeff Offline
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Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
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#214095 - 03/30/08 12:24 AM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexually abused. [Re: JustJeff]
simonsurvives Offline
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Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 58
Loc: California, Fresno
Well first we need to breath. Freaking out I only seems like the only thing that you can do right now. However we as all people work best with out the added stress of worrying. Now if you are assuming that he was sexually abused you cannot really do much, which I don't see you as saying. IF you do have evidence talk to a mandatory reporter in your area and see if this person can help you. Also the police are just as good. Another good suggestion is talking to a counselors of shorts at school if you go to school or a place where they provide one. You have ever right to be concerned and i hear the fact that you don't want him to be hurt. I hope you get there. We are here.
Simon


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#214097 - 03/30/08 12:34 AM . [Re: simonsurvives]
JustJeff Offline
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#214110 - 03/30/08 02:12 AM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
hogan_dawg Offline
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Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Don't kick any butt. 911 calls are seldom fun.

Ok you said he fits some de>


Edited by hogan_dawg (03/30/08 02:17 AM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#214120 - 03/30/08 08:50 AM . [Re: hogan_dawg]
JustJeff Offline
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#214130 - 03/30/08 10:12 AM . [Re: JustJeff]
JustJeff Offline
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#214145 - 03/30/08 11:24 AM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Never heard of strabismus (crossed eyes) as a symptom, but some of the others are.

You could talk to him and tell him about your experience. That might be too much detail, but you could put it in the context that people touch, make others touch sexually and it happens to a lot of people, including boys. You might say that you wonder if there have been some things that have happened to him that he might try to forget or make go away but they keep coming back.

You can share your experience about how you held onto your "secret" for so many years and now that you are talking about it with other males who have had similar experiences, you are on your road to making things better for yourself.

Be careful that you don't get into making promises you can't keep, such as if he says, "I'll tell you something but you have to promise/swear that you won't tell anybody". It might be that he is being actively abused or his perpetrator has access to other potential victims and his swearing you to secrecy is not going to help anyone.

Should that happen, I would say to him, "I'll listen to what you have to say but I can't promise to keep it secret if I believe it is going to hurt someone or continue to hurt someone." If he says that he won't tell you, you can say that "If you are keeping a secret that is hurting someone, you have to share it with someone because if you could take care of it (fix it) by yourself, you would have. But if you haven't been able to fix it, you need some help and I will help you get the right help."

See if that approach works. One of the problems you may have as far as the possibility of his abuser being someone who is in the family, you may not be able at this point to rely of telling your aunt or uncle, grandparent, etc. if they are either unable/unwilling to help or are the abuser.


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#214147 - 03/30/08 11:47 AM . [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
JustJeff Offline
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#214177 - 03/30/08 02:46 PM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
hogan_dawg Offline
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Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I can't say one way or another whether it is symptommatic of child abuse, I'm not an expert in that area.

But if you shake a baby really hard, well,..hmm.

So the strabismus is relatively permanent (I take it from your note). So the question is, could there be other causes for strabismus too, such that JustJeff isn't wronged by an invalidation experience, and more non abusive causes get examined - might want to check doc records if available.




Edited by hogan_dawg (03/30/08 02:48 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#214180 - 03/30/08 02:52 PM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Hi guys,

Thanks for reading my Pufferfish Story part 2.

My strabismus was the opposite of cross eyes, namely wall eyes. Wall eyes is named because if the patient is standing in a room, one eye is looking at the wall to the right and the other to the left. (this has nothing to do with the fish, the walleye although that will give you a visual-aid as to what we are talking about)

Most often strabismus is NOT caused by emotional problems but by simple muscle imbalances within the eyes. This makes it much easier to treat because some good eye exercises will do the trick (best to not home-medicate here but if you are living in Nowhere Town, I can give some recommendations). If you see a kid with crossed eyes or wall eyes it does NOT automatically mean they have been abused. The give away in my case was that I used one eye in some situations and the other eye in other situations. Such as, if I were "triggered" I would probably shift my visual focus to the other eye. (Weird, hugh!). My problem got better when I felt better and then became much, much worse with later severe abuse. This was because my problem was tied in with dissociation. Most eye doctors didn't have a clue that this could be the case.

There are just beginning to be some books out now linking emotional trauma with body symptoms. There are lots of other symptoms of emotional trauma beside the eye problem. So, I had to work out a lot of my own solutions. I am most eager to share what I have learned. \:D

The ophthalmologist that recognized my problem was Dr Swiggart, the father of the astronaut. He is dead now so don't try to look for him. I was fifteen when he reported to my father. Then my disfunctional father didn't even tell me. It was my mother years later that even told me what he had said. So it took years to even get the first "nibble" on a solution to my problem.

It was not until adulthood that I finally jumped on the problem myself. A clinical psychologist I was seeing for my abuse as a child recommended I follow it up. Eye surgery did nothing for me because that wasn't the source of problem. The local vision therapy clinic got me an excellent start with muscle training, but finally I had to work out some solutions for myself. Yes, and they really work too. And they are even fun for kids to do.

I would be most happy to share the solutions I found by myself either to individuals or if there is enough interest I could post to this site.

It is very, very unusual for eye doctors to admit an emotional problem as a source of an eye problem. They are very, very mechanistic and they are taught that way in medical school. If you were to ask most of them about what I have said here they would most likely said that it is a bunch of c- -p. That's because of their ignorance of all of this. I have been through this. The folks that are more up-to-date often in this area are the optometrists (spelling?) who have a specialty in working with eye muscle problems and are trained in correcting strabismus. Usually the best way to find one is to call an optometrist in the nearest large city and ask him who is good in your area. They are not terribly hard to find these days.


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