I want to thank you all for the wonderfully warm welcome.
Today was a very strange day for me, in a good way of course! Feeling brave and risky... After finding you guys and this awesome website... I took the chance and told someone new about what had happened to me.
My choice this time is a girl that I am close with. She is taken (DOH), but it is also nice because I feel that sexuality cannot get in the way of me being her friend.
I told her without getting into details that my oldest brother (my half-brother really) sexually molested me and my other half brother. I dont remember many things, I do have this one glaring incident where I had to perform fellatio for him. I remember looking up to my oldest brother, even afterwards, but I knew something was wrong.
I remember the horrible incident of him ejaculating onto me and me terrified running to the bathroom to cleanse myself.
I dont remember too terribly much... Hell I dont know if I would like to. I still feel ashamed about it today.
I realize, and I try to empower myself knowing that I was so young and had no idea what I was doing... As well as I thought I was making my brother happy. I have actively seeked trying to NOT avoid males and try to make some friends.
Ugh, my whole story bout the great day derailed. My apologies... At any rate, when I told her, she didnt freak out or anything. She actually sympathized and said how she was proud of me for trying to work through this.
The rest of the day we hung out ate pizza, went into victoria secret (DROOL), and just in general had a blast.
It was just very relieving to tell someone and have the burden off my shoulders for a moment and for them to still accept me.
I hope to tell my dad and mother soon. I think they know, but I dont know how much they do. My dad acts as if it was something I should have forgotten... All of you and I know that if we could just forget this kinda shit happened... How easy our lives would be... So at any rate, it is my goal to work up the strength and tell him and see how much he knew or pretended to understand about his only real son.
I have written a lot. my apologies, it is just so easy to talk when you have something inside you have wanted to talk bout but noone around to listen... Anyways you all have a good night. I did tonight
Thanks for the ears,