I was talking to someone. They said that I was not worthless.

They told me that not one person was ever worthless. Not one person..

I'm heterosexual... yet what this person said was of extreme sexual arousal to me.

Isn't it terrible that I feel like I'm such garbgae?

Its been said to me many times, but still, many times if I hear it, I think I've been privileged beyond belief.

I have a crush on him now, and I dream every night of him carressing my face and then sleeping with him.

Is there some kind of way to stop this cycle of self-abuse?

M
A lot of survivors have a problem of sexualizing caring or attention from others. It may be tied into the abuse you experienced earlier. Many survivors have a problem with sexualizing intimacy (not sexual contact but the caring, openness or other "notmal" interactions people should have with others.)

Don't beat yourself up over this. Figure out what you are doing with the sexualizing and work on it with your T.

Your not alone Marinan, as Ken said, many survivors experience the same feeling your having. i to have those feelings from time to time.

I suggest seeing a counselor....
I have been and it's been helping.

John