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#214183 - 03/30/08 03:01 PM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: pufferfish]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
It's not wierd yours is a perfect adaptation to the horror of it.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#214202 - 03/30/08 04:48 PM . [Re: hogan_dawg]
JustJeff Offline
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Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
.

_________________________
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#214267 - 03/30/08 10:25 PM . [Re: JustJeff]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
.

_________________________
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#214290 - 03/31/08 12:06 AM . [Re: JustJeff]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
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_________________________
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#214310 - 03/31/08 01:34 AM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 795
Loc: North Texas
Hi Jeff,
Quote:
dissociation, likes to play with kid's a lot younger then himself, is addicted to video games(I read somewhere sa victims do this to escape reality). Is a loner, would prefer to keep to himself then go out in a group,


Hate to say this but all this could be related to not being part of his peer group.

Starting in the first grade, I used to daydream a lot in school, was not allowed in to the male peer group because I refused to fight. ( The only way I could get approve from my dad was if I did not fight). So from first to fifth grade I hung out with the girl peer group. I also became a reader of science fiction. I became quite a loner.
The fifth grade was a very bad year for me. Not only was I raped, but my mom divorced my dad, and the female peer group kicked me out. Then I was a true loner, who had no one to play with, just hung out by my self. I deliberately tried to fail the fifth grade, so I could take it over again. Went from B's and C's to straight F's. My teacher did notice, but instead of talking to me, she called my mom in and asked her, mom told her about the divorce, so they decided it must be that, and passed me anyway.
After that I got very into science fiction, would read three or four books a day, and walk around in a dreamy state,( my way of escaping)
Hope this helps.
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#214312 - 03/31/08 01:44 AM . [Re: lostcowboy]
JustJeff Offline
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Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
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_________________________
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#214313 - 03/31/08 02:11 AM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 795
Loc: North Texas
You say he is twelve, so he is switching from elementary school to junior high school. So he also has gone from top of his peer group to the bottom of the new peer group in the new school. That is a big adjustment. But that being said he is old enough to know that bad things can happen to guys also. So if you feel comfortable about it, you could tell him about what happen to you, just as a warning. I would not go into detail about it unless he asks. Sometimes when people find that you trust them enough to tell about what happened to you, they in turn will trust you about what happen to them. Again do not press him for it, it may take him a few days to decide to trust you.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#214336 - 03/31/08 08:09 AM . [Re: lostcowboy]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
.

_________________________
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#214386 - 03/31/08 12:45 PM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
Hey JustJeff I know you've gotten a lot of feedback but I'll throw in my two cents. Hanging out with younger kids and being a loner could be signs of sa, or they could mean he just doesnt fit in with his peer group. One BIG RED FLAG is regression. Basically when I was in late elementary early middle school I started crapping my pants again, I have no idea why I just did. I learned in a high school Life Management class that it happens to a lot of people that have been abused. Good luck Jeff and I'm sure we'd all appreciate an update on how things go, you'll be in my thoughts.

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

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#214401 - 03/31/08 03:12 PM Re: Help. Help. I think my cousin has been sexuall [Re: JustJeff]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
Here is a list of symptoms of child abuse.
A boy having 6 or more of these may be in serious trouble.

Chronic depression (not just ups and downs)(sometimes masked in children)
Draws pictures symbolically depicting the abuse
Difficulty concentrating in school (low grades or even drop out)
Very low self esteem
Chain-reaction of withdrawal from family and friends
Projects a “façade” to cover the shameful self
Becomes a “bad boy” in school
Class clown.
Bad behavior invites strong disciplinary action at home, school or in community.
Destruction of public or private proverty.
Loss of normal colonic motility (intestinal problems)
Stomach problems or other digestive problem.
Language becomes profane
Stealing from stores, school.
Suppressed parts of personality
Loss of ability to express affection, inability to laugh and enjoy.
Retreat into a “fog” in certain situations
Personality change
Communication freeze
(extreme in a loss of ability to talk = elective mutism).
Pronounced underachiever
Strabismus or eye problem
Unhappy, joyless, hopeless boy with no sparkle in eyes.
Anger with family members or former friends
Use of substitutes to cover pain (alcohol, drugs, games)
Extremes in clothing or physical appearance
Loss of coordination (pinocchio effect)
Secrecy.
Disappearing for blocks of time
Sexual acting out (may not be visible to family)


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