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#213517 - 03/27/08 03:21 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: king tut]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
If your abuser is family, it could mean sharing your own name also. I am not able to do that here, not public and open as such.

VN


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#213518 - 03/27/08 03:22 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: king tut]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I'm glad I'm seeing a crisis counselor today. I'm messed up. I don't have the strength to give out my name yet and I'm crying like a kid. Time to exit.



Edited by hogan_dawg (03/27/08 03:22 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#213519 - 03/27/08 03:27 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: hogan_dawg]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
There are easier way's to search for people without revealing who you are. the internet is a remarkable invention. there are "People Search Engines" available on the web for free and they do a remarkable job. i reccomend using http://www.pipl.com it's one of the easiest and best free people search engines available on the web. there are other's as well, if that one doesn't work. pm or post here if you would like to know more.

_________________________
.

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#213535 - 03/27/08 05:06 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: JustJeff]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Giving the full names of perps on the MS site was not allowed when I was an active moderator and I am not aware of that being changed. There could/would be many negative consequences for MS and the MS community if that were to happen. Before you post the names, please seek out the advice of a moderator.

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#213548 - 03/27/08 06:55 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: Brian]
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Brian is correct.

We do not want to have contact information post on here about your abusers. We are here to heal from sexual abuse and while giving there first name is ok please do not give there last name. I do not want MS to be anything more then people healing and supporting one another. Lets continue to keep MS focused on us not on our perps.

Nathan


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#213594 - 03/27/08 08:50 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: Nathan LaChine]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Guys,

I'd like to add something here in addition to what Brian and Nathan have already said. As noted, this site is primarily about our journey of recovery rather than seeking out and/or naming perpetrators. The position of the MaleSurvivor mods and admin is that there are plenty of sites out there where you can do just that.

There have been incidents in the past where threads got going along the lines of naming perps or giving out their locations. On more than one occasion this activity has attracted the attention of some very undesirable elements of our society and resulted in a definite loss of safety to the users of this site. Guys, we do not want this to happen yet again so please be circumspect and wise when considering threads of this nature.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#213618 - 03/27/08 10:13 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: WalkingSouth]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I get you.

Walkinsouth you said "As noted, this site is primarily about our journey of recovery rather than seeking out and/or naming perpetrators. The position of the MaleSurvivor mods and admin is that there are plenty of sites out there where you can do just that."

Is there a sticky note where we can find these sites that name names?

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#213936 - 03/29/08 11:39 AM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: hogan_dawg]
Chester Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 48
Loc: Long Island, NY
I got a lot out of the guilt workshop by Steve Bevan at the last conference. The main thing I walked away with, in addition to others is:

YOU DO NOT OWN THE PERSON WHO ABUSED YOU. They are not yours.

"The" abuser, or, "The person who abused me" are more accurate terms, as ownership implies a perpetual bond of some sort. Accurate or not, how we frame the abuse we have suffered says a lot.

I try not to even refer to my mother as my mother in order to keep the responsibility for the abuse on her, but all my substitute terms would make your ears bleed. ;\)

_________________________
rock: left pocket

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#214088 - 03/29/08 11:41 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: Chester]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
So ok, got it. This isn't the place for this.

I guess I think your saying it's important to take back our power over our lives. That the abuser was very powerful over us, very "influential". I guess I'd more likely think of my abuser owning me.

But if you're saying, I can take full responsibility for myself now and deal with it myself, uninfluenced anymore by the abuser, I agree. Let go of the blame and anger for myself as I am.

Still publicly pointing to the abuser feels powerful to me to let go of the shame and a sense of justice and truth.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#214239 - 03/30/08 08:27 PM Re: Naming your abuser... [Re: LandOfShadow]
USFbull Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 92
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: LandOfShadow
So ok, got it. This isn't the place for this.

I guess I think your saying it's important to take back our power over our lives. That the abuser was very powerful over us, very "influential". I guess I'd more likely think of my abuser owning me.

But if you're saying, I can take full responsibility for myself now and deal with it myself, uninfluenced anymore by the abuser, I agree. Let go of the blame and anger for myself as I am.

Still publicly pointing to the abuser feels powerful to me to let go of the shame and a sense of justice and truth.


I get what you guys are saying. It took 14 years for me to tell my parents it happened, and who did it. It was by a family member and my parents have been supportive in severing all connection with him. My Dad has told me on more than one occassion he's considered tracking him down and beating the living crap out of him. I know we've established no name posting, which I think is a good idea. As much as we may be angry,hurt, etc. it is still just a name, there may be some people who arent legitimate who may post a name to sabotage someones life. There was a case in St. Augustine FL (I think) where some girls accused a teacher of some wrong acts, he was convicted by a jury, after the guy lost his entire life and got a 15 year sentence the girls all came out saying they were just trying to get out detention. The moral of the story, while your legitimate story, name, and issue are just that, some random person may just be trying get even or have alterior motives. However here are some sites that may be of some use for those desiring to post/see names.


http://www.familywatchdog.us/
- A great link to the national sex offender database. Gives you there adress, where they work, and their full crime. ( Also has good info on FDA recalls)

http://www.perverted-justice.com
-The guys that help MSNBC bust internet predators. They have a great database of screennames and users that have been caught attempting to solicit children.

Hope these help!

_________________________
Neither fear nor courage saves us.
Unnatural vices Are fathered by our heroism.
Virtues Are forced upon us by our impudent crimes.
These tears are shaken from
the wrath-bearing tree.
~T.S. Eliot~

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