I will not claim to know whether God creates us with having same sex attractions. Obviously you have come the conclusion that your same sex attractions are "Part of who you are". I donīt like the term ...GAY is who I am. You are a man, a father a husband, and lots of other things ...and you have same sex attractions. I do however know, that it for many with same sex attractions are necessary, for a while to identify themselves with these attractions in order to be true to themselves. You are about to make some tough choices.
Could one of the choices be that you choose to see yourself as Bisexual? That you are capable of loving both men and women. But until now have sacrificed your Homo emotional needs, in order to do what you at that time thought was the right decission.
You have taken care of your wife and children. Now it is time to take of yourself. Would it be possible to stay in the marriage and get your wifes blessing to find friend? It is my opinion that getting a divorce and telling her that your marriage "was a lie and a mistake" is cruel. You were honest about your same sex attractions, they were part of you and still are. You now know that you have to have your homo emotional needs met, but perhaps you can have that without destroying the good part of your marriage. Yes it is going to be hard on your wife, but I do not think it is right to leave the decision up to her. It is also your decision and responsibility. Can you reach some sort of agreement?
The living a lie part seems more to do with keeping up appearance in the Church perhaps in order to keep your job?
Your marriage was no lie and your children either. Your need to find a man to love and be loved by is not a lie either. You now have to choose and it is hard. Ask God in prayers what you must do. It is never easy to do the right thing. I hope you will find peace and have your needs met. If you stay it is not going to be easy. If you leave it is not going to be easy either. All our choices have consequences. "No man is an Island. We all have a ripple effect on each others lives". But I know that having same sex attractions is not a choice, how we deal with them are however. Gods know us and our hearts.
Edited by Niels (04/05/08 04:32 PM)
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.