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#214087 - 03/29/08 11:35 PM Re: The Special Someone [Re: dking777]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hey Scott, Laz, Dking ...

Thanks for your replies,
gotta say each of them transported me to a very emotional place,
too emotional really ... so to relieve the pressure ...

Nature Photography - The Seahorse



Thanks for understanding \:\)

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#214112 - 03/30/08 02:42 AM Re: The Special Someone [Re: arronb]
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
Originally Posted By: arronb
Hey Scott, Laz, Dking ...

Thanks for your replies,
gotta say each of them transported me to a very emotional place,
too emotional really ... so to relieve the pressure ...
Thanks for understanding smile

deleted






Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:14 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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#214115 - 03/30/08 03:38 AM Re: The Special Someone [Re: dking777]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hi Dking ...

pain suffering sorrow grief ...
if I may add a few to the list
anger guilt fear longing ...

all temporary I guess, but when they all come out together
it's a recipe for disaster.

I had buried the emotional stuff connected to Anthony ...
they all hit me this weekend, all at once,
whoa stop the world, I wanna get off,
the ride isn't fun anymore.

Add in all the other things one is dealing with, is it any wonder the pressure reaches breaking point.

How do you get thru it ... well you sit at your computer desk and stare at a screen for 12 hrs and hold on to what ever comes your way, a 15 minute interlude with someone coming home from the movies, 30 minutes with a newbie full of questions, 5hrs with someone you never thought would talk with you, hrs of reading posts ...

one day there may be something to fondly remember,
it aint this day ... or any day in the near future,
but one day ...

and I thank you all for giving me hope,
but we'll bury this post deep down and
look another day in the face, smile and keep on going.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPLXJAWUnwI

P.S. It's a fine unicorn Pking ... fine indeed \:\)

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#214121 - 03/30/08 09:00 AM Re: The Special Someone [Re: arronb]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
You are absolutely right, aaronb. We all have our days (or weeks)... Like you said, it's a bump in the road - you'll get past it.

While we are speaking of lost loves, I have a story from the opposite perspective. I was the one who was inadvertently rude, crude and heartless with Victor, not once, but twice.

I met Vic in the USAF in Weisbaden Ge. in 1979. I was 20 and he was barely 18. We fell hard for each other, spent every moment together that we could. It was risky, but it was worth it. Anyway, I 'dumped' Victor 18 months later for lots of reasons, but none of the real reasons came out in our last few discussions. I only saw the negative, and in the end I was pretty cruel to him.

Fast forward five years. I am married and have a 4 yr old son, and the wife is really getting to me. She's downright abusive, and I didn't want to leave my son with her but I had no choice. I took a new job and moved far away (but I still went overboard in staying in touch with my son) and started a new life. Reaching out to some old friends, I found Victor again, living with a lesbian in So. Calif. A year later he moved in with me to a house on Lake Travis. Everything was wonderful for a couple of years, but then I started getting dissatisfied again. It wasn't about sex either, but about how he talked incessantly; he would talk just to hear himself speak, he "can put less meaning into more words than anybody else I know!" I started hinting at splitting up, but he was igoring me. Finally, I felt I had no choice and I 'dumped' him again...

Victor and I were very passionate while we were together, in every way. We were one of the first openly gay couples in our area, and we pulled it off big time. There were parties (and orgies) and road trips and boat trips and social events... It was everything I thought I wanted. In the end, though, all I really wanted was a nice, quiet family.

So I went back to my ex and my son. I wasn't exactly a quiet family, but I could pretend.

But this is about Victor. The second time I left him, he was terribly upset, threatened suicide, etc. He had 'moved halfway across the country 'for me' and left all his friends.' What he didn't say was that he practically begged me to 'get him out' of his situation in SoCal, and in fact he still lives near Lake Travis to this day, 20 years later. I had gotten him a great job that he was doing well at, and when we divided the property it was more than fair. But it was MY choice not his, and he resented me for that for a long time.

Today, Victor and I are still friends. We're both in gay marriages (him for almost 20 years and mine for 7) and we see each other once every other year or so. It's really interesting when you get Victor, Kelly and Kent all in the same room... LOL

I guess I was a jerk back then. I hope I'm not one now. I have some regrets about the way I've ended all of my relationships in one way or another; I've never found an easy way and if anybody knows of one, please do us all a favor and post it! The fact of the matter is that I'm still friends with all of my ex's, Victor, Kelly, Steve, Becky, Tim... (and someday probably Kent, if I outlive him) I think that says a lot.

If you have to have your right hand amputated, would you rather it be fast or slow?

DKing, does that give you a different perspective? Can you forgive Andy now?

Regards,

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#214272 - 03/30/08 10:56 PM Re: The Special Someone [Re: Lazarus]
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
Originally Posted By: Lazarus

DKing, does that give you a different perspective? Can you forgive Andy now?


I was sort of making light of the fact - of how much that sort of sudden separation tears us apart inside.




Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:12 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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#214420 - 03/31/08 04:45 PM Re: The Special Someone [Re: dking777]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Good for you! I have one of those too...

Yes, I was making the same point. It's never easy, and the more you love/like someone the harder it is. Inevitable tho it may be, it's never easy.

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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