Marinan, I'm sad for your pain and anguish. I've been there, buddy, and I can only know how difficult it was for me to recover from. No one knows how difficult it is for you except you.
Without too much detail, I will tell you three guys jumped me, dragged me into the bushes and beat me until I was quiet and quit struggling so much, and then took me to an apartment and held me captive for between 4 and 6 hours. (Lots of detail omitted here.) Then they threw me into the backseat of my car with only my bloody shirt to wear, forced me at knifepoint to withdraw money from an ATM, drove me to a remote business park and dumped me. Oh, and just for fun the guy with the knife stabbed me in the thigh and in my right buttock just before they stole my car and drove off.
Yes, it was a very traumatic night and next few weeks. I blamed myself for it for a long time. Finally, I came to view the incident with a sort of hyper-analytical detachment. It was NOT my fault, nobody deserves to be raped. Sure, they singled me out because I was gay, but other than that it was just a case of my being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I could have just as easily been hit by a bus. The guys who did it are scum, and there's a lot of scum on this Earth. But I don't hate them; I don't even think about them. They don't deserve a moment of my time, effort or thought.
I wish you luck in your recovery. It is possible; you will start to feel better. When depends on you. It's a nightmare, but you survived. Read my tag line.
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche