Well, it's been quite awhile, but just today I finally got to the point that I could write a letter! It's not from my perspective as a kid though. I don't remember myself at that age enough at this point. Maybe someday I will. I don't know.
I know some asked to see what I put together, so here it is. Feel free to comment, offer advice on modifying it etc.
Oh, perps name is changed from his actual one. Not that I care if anyone else knows his name, but I don't want to trigger anyone or have anyone here relate to the other side of the issue.
I initially considered addressing this letter to Mr. Lastname to make it less personal, but I quickly came to my senses and realized that addressing it such also generally conveys a level of respect. You however deserve none. So I'll simply address it to you by your first name as I don't want there to be any chance for you to dream up the possibility that it was meant for someone else. I once considered you, or at least for some reason, assumed you were a friend, but looking back I realize that such a thing was never a reality, and regardless of my misplaced desire to be your friend during that time so long ago, I have further realized that such a thing was an impossibility. If I had had adult understanding then that I do now, I wouldn't have bothered to even associate with you. You are certainly a despicable person. The fact that would use your larger size and strength to force either Kevin or myself into a submission hold and then refuse to let us out of it until the other got close enough for you to spit on them should have been enough for me to disassociate with you and never give you another thought, but I was truly a child then, with child understandings and feelings. I was lonely as a child and for some naive reason I somehow thought I could be your friend and that you likewise would want to be mine. How very wrong I was.
That incident mentioned before isn't the reason I am writing. The incident I'm writing to you about is probably one you haven't thought of in years. It probably meant nothing to you and you could probably care nothing about the effects it has had on me since it occurred. Your actions and attitudes make it clear that you are definitely a self absorbed and selfish person. The fact of the matter is that I actually had completely forgotten about the incident myself until very recently. Not because it was something that was easy to forget about, but because it was truly that traumatizing of an event that my mind suppressed the memory in order to protect me from it. In case you truly have forgotten, let me remind you! You had invited me over to spend the night. It was the one and only time I ever spent the night at your house. Shouldn't be too hard to begin to put the pieces together. If you'll recall, you suggested that we "hump" one another. I recall very clearly that I told you I didn't want to. I clearly recall telling you it was wrong and I wanted nothing to do with it, but you weren't happy with that. You turned on the pressure. You manipulated and pressured me. You broke my resolve and then took what you wanted from me. You used me for your own sick pleasure. You dominated and controlled me like you always tried to do to everyone. God only knows if you ever did that to anyone else. I'd like to think that as an adult maybe you've changed, but somehow I seriously doubt it. God knows Firstname. Others know too. I'm not keeping it quiet anymore, and you'll never know who I've told and who I haven't. Keep that in mind any time you bump into people who knew us growing up. They might know! Something else that maybe will help you feel the gravity of what you've done... I told my therapist the details of what you did, and you know what she called it???? She called it RAPE Firstname. Rape! I never thought about it before she uttered those words, but it is truly what it was. You raped me!
The fallout from what you did to me has messed me up in so many ways. Maybe you don't care, it would fit the kind of person you always were. Truly, I don't care if you care or not. But I care what it has done to me. It has caused me to do things I said I would never do. I always said that I thought hating someone was wrong, but you've violated me in that as well. I hate you! I'm hurt that I feel this way, but it is what it is. Maybe someday I can let that go, but right now, I can truly say that what I feel in my heart for you is nothing other than hatred. You want to know what else I know is true about myself because of what you did? I know for a fact that if I were to hear that you died in some fashion, that thought would fill me with joy. I hate that! I don't like feeling this way, but it is seed you planted in my heart when you violated me! You are responsible not only for your actions but the crap that has grown out of it! You created this evil within me!
Maybe the day will come that I will be able to let the anger and hatred go. Maybe the day will come when I can reach a point where I can forgive you. Even if they day does come, it doesn't mean that somehow what you did was ok. It will never be ok. You committed a crime against my heart, my mind, and my soul. Like it or not, you will at some point, be held responsible for it.