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#212620 - 03/23/08 10:15 PM fear / ambivilence / balance
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I don't want to go on and on about how it is to be in a relationship yet why does it have to be so hard to speak up to the lady i love....

is it fear

is it legit

am i legit

is it something i need to work at or simply accept it for what it is

nothing in my life has meant more to me in this world then lisa and lately( i am getting married in 6 months and i'm still not sure what it is and / or why i have acted the way i have lately with her

do i actually want to sabotage our life together when i am so happy

i get so furious and i'm not sure if it's lisa i am pissed at or if it's my need for control

anyway to sum things up ....what do i do...she knows alll about the sexual abuse i went through as a kid ....right down the the last detail yet for whatever reason i have this thought like i am entitled to say,act or do whatever i want...that is wrong
she does not deserve that...no one does

how can i find the "balance" so i dont lose another relationship as a result of my behavior.

this is NOT just another relationship she is my wife to be....for gods sake she's going to carry my last name ...yet i act this way like i did tonight( the details are not important) and i wonder why nothing good in my life ever lasts...i dont want to lose her....i love her to much and respect her as a lady i am crazy about but more for the genuine kind and loving human she is that i was blessed with...i am afraid...

Coop


_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#212846 - 03/24/08 10:15 PM Re: fear / ambivilence / balance [Re: thecoopstah]
Lou Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/10/07
Posts: 100
Coop,

I hope I am not stepping out of line here...but I think if you can just verbalize (speak up) to Lisa exactly as you have written above that she will be able to understand. Perhaps if you can not say those things to her if you could print it out and let her read it....maybe when you are not even in the room or around.

I think it is good that you can admit these things about yourself....I think there are a lot of women out there that would be able to understand their men's shortcomings if only they were able to verbalize or write them like you have. By doing this you are demonstrating your desire to do something about it even if it might take some time and work yet.

We all have shortcomings....it is not easy to write what you have written and for that I think you are already finding the balance.

Best of luck to you and Lisa...peace and happiness to both of you!

Lou


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