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#211516 - 03/18/08 04:19 PM .
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:20 PM)

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#211517 - 03/18/08 04:55 PM Re: Trust issues [Re: bardo213]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I also live with my GF and I certainly can relate to the word TRUST. In my mind I think trust and love really go together. If the love is there whole heartedly, then the trust is in place also. When someone or something breaks down in a relationship, then the trust issue surfaces.

I acted out during our relationship that almost and perhaps still will, ruin our relationship. This was b/4 anyone knew about my CSA. This acting out on my part ended up with my disclosure about my horrible childhood. So now I a survivor of CSA and on my road to recovery like hopefully the rest of us here on MS>

The only words of advice I might suggest is just that of Talking it out with your GF. Talk, talk, and talk some more. Be honest with her as to how you feel and your trust issue. If she really does love you she too will tell you the truth and be honest with you.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#211518 - 03/18/08 05:06 PM . [Re: KENKEN]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:20 PM)

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#211520 - 03/18/08 05:14 PM Re: Trust issues [Re: bardo213]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Your feelings and actions, in public, are certainly related to both of your pasts. I know my GF at times just doesn't get it when it comes to my actions or inactions. She tries really hard to understand and I give her credit for that. Our triggers are all different. And the way we cope or ground is our way of getting through the situation at the moment.

I think your decision to give her space is good. Sometimes saying nothing and just being there is good. I would just say that tell her you will be there for her.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#211521 - 03/18/08 05:24 PM . [Re: KENKEN]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:20 PM)

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#211525 - 03/18/08 05:39 PM Re: Trust issues [Re: bardo213]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I believe that a relationship should be based on trust. And Honisty . You should be streight forward and ask her if the is still envolved with this other man . Do not acuse her of any thing. Just be honest with your feelings .
If she lies to you it is time to moove on . Because someone that you can not trust. you do not need

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#211935 - 03/20/08 06:57 PM . [Re: OKIE MIKE]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:21 PM)

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#211947 - 03/20/08 07:31 PM Re: Trust issues [Re: bardo213]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lynch,

I wonder if it will help you to hear that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you if you find it difficult to trust. The trustworthiness of the other person, or the reality of what is and isn't going on, has nothing to do with this. The harsh fact is that abuse teaches a boy that trust is the stupidest idea in the world. That's a terrible lesson to unlearn or overcome, and it takes time.

You mention that you talk a lot to your gf. That's great. Open and honest communications can do so much towards rebuilding trust.

Much love,
larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#212266 - 03/22/08 11:26 AM Re: Trust issues [Re: bardo213]
jcf1957 Offline
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Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Five years ago; early January 2003 when I suffered my initial nervous breakdown resulting from gang rape in the past. I had a gf whom I loved and respected dearly. In the six weeks I spent in the psyche ward she broke up with me. I tried to explain my ugly past to her as best as I could despite my broken emotional state. In hindsight I really can't say why she didn't want to pursue our relationship. She was very special to me, I practically worshiped the ground she stood on. I was deeply in love with this woman, and I was sure that she loved me too. Don't understand, love is awfully weird sometimes I guess. Perhaps something of my heart-wrenching past triggered something in her own. Most people are inclined to avoid other people with emotional baggage.
It hurt deeply what she did to me but perhaps in the end it was what was best for her at that time. I learnt to let go of this but it hasn't been easy.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#212707 - 03/24/08 01:57 PM . [Re: jcf1957]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:21 PM)

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