I don't want to go on and on about how it is to be in a relationship yet why does it have to be so hard to speak up to the lady i love....
is it fear
is it legit
am i legit
is it something i need to work at or simply accept it for what it is
nothing in my life has meant more to me in this world then lisa and lately( i am getting married in 6 months and i'm still not sure what it is and / or why i have acted the way i have lately with her
do i actually want to sabotage our life together when i am so happy
i get so furious and i'm not sure if it's lisa i am pissed at or if it's my need for control
anyway to sum things up ....what do i do...she knows alll about the sexual abuse i went through as a kid ....right down the the last detail yet for whatever reason i have this thought like i am entitled to say,act or do whatever i want...that is wrong
she does not deserve that...no one does
how can i find the "balance" so i dont lose another relationship as a result of my behavior.
this is NOT just another relationship she is my wife to be....for gods sake she's going to carry my last name ...yet i act this way like i did tonight( the details are not important) and i wonder why nothing good in my life ever lasts...i dont want to lose her....i love her to much and respect her as a lady i am crazy about but more for the genuine kind and loving human she is that i was blessed with...i am afraid...
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "