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#210802 - 03/15/08 02:15 AM to the wives... a description of how we feel
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
:-(



Edited by awakening (10/02/08 09:54 AM)

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#210930 - 03/15/08 09:44 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: awakening]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
The csa is POWERLESS over the reasons we love you.... bring yourself to a point where you can confront that fear and you won't have to question it again.



Edited by Liv2124 (03/15/08 09:47 PM)

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#211584 - 03/18/08 11:56 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: Liv2124]
heismyworld Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 25
What do you mean by csa is POWERLESS over the reasons we love you?


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#211704 - 03/19/08 02:23 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: heismyworld]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Heismyworld,
What I mean is, when I think about the reasons I love him, they have nothing to do with the csa. (Of course) But, what he doesn't always see, is that, the csa, or the effects, can't CHANGE those reasons. In our case, it effects us, but it has nothing to do with US. I know I'm not explaining it well, but it's difficult.
Liv


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#211731 - 03/19/08 04:55 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: Liv2124]
LJA Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/05/08
Posts: 35
Hmmmmm, interesting Liv. I understand what you are saying, we love our SOs because of who they are, not because of what has happened to them.

Many times I have felt that my love for him is powerless over the effects of CSA.

Maybe its the survivor who has the power to tip the scales either way.


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#212264 - 03/22/08 11:09 AM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: LJA]
Rachael Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/27/07
Posts: 11
Loc: Qld Australia
TRIGGER WARNING.


Angry and resentful and selfishly self pitying poem below.









Why can you tell me the absolute horror
and not the smile that just crossed your eyes?
Why do you tell me such obvious lies when the
truth is so easy...why do you hide?


Your walls are so high yet so transparantley thin.
Why cant you push through them and let me in?
Why cant you believe you are now not alone and
forgive God for not giving you a safer home.

I WILL fight WITH you to erase his prints! Yes things will
change but YOU will be free of his shadows strong hold.
Its scary but so freeing to let go of what keeps you bound
so why do you still let that #*&^%! hold you down?

You do things to yourself that hurt me too, the addictions
the denial the blame game you never lose.
He shares our bed, he controls our days, he makes you
choose your words and bury things hard to say.

Its hard to keep fighting an enemy unseen,
he is so visible in your words, your ways, your shame.
But I will keep fighting for you.
I will keep fighting for us.
I am not the one who deserves the blame.

I too have anger and resentment and regret,
that he took someone so beautiful and tore
him apart and left the pieces scattered and
shattered your heart.

But I will keep fighting, I will keep holding
on until his hold on us loosens and you can
stand strong. For I see the man you are underneath
all the shame, I see your innocent soul and I
believe in your pain.

Let me in! Let me hold your hand! Let my Love help
you stand! Closing doors on me, blaming me, shutting
me out, hold me at length, push me away, then he wins
and you stay silent and he rules you and us again.


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#212278 - 03/22/08 12:52 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: Rachael]
BMF Offline


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Toronto
Rachael,

You move me to tears. I see my wife's pain in what you wrote.

Thank you,
BMF

_________________________
If a man's character is to be abused, say what you will, there's nobody like a relation to do the business.
- William Makepeace Thackery

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#212288 - 03/22/08 01:58 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: BMF]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Rachael,

Your poem is awesome, It describe how my perp. brother still has control over my life and that of my GF. I hope some day soon I can get the control of my life back.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#212291 - 03/22/08 02:05 PM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: KENKEN]
LJA Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/05/08
Posts: 35
Hi Rachael,

Wow! Ken is right, it is an awesome poem. I too was moved to tears and need to go away and collect myself before I can go back and read it a second time.

Thanks for sharing,
LJA


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#212408 - 03/23/08 01:03 AM Re: to the wives... a description of how we feel [Re: LJA]
Rachael Offline
New Here

Registered: 08/27/07
Posts: 11
Loc: Qld Australia
I am sorry for causing more tears to be shed. I felt his abusers presence hovering over us last night and I was raging against the pain these predators cause. To feel so powerless against something that has had decades to dig its claws in and leave scars that shouldnt ever be made.

Im worried about him. Im worried about me.




Edited by Rachael (03/23/08 07:49 AM)

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