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#212316 - 03/22/08 04:07 PM Really scared
simonsurvives Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 58
Loc: California, Fresno
I for some reason am compelled to write today because i had a triggering episode yesterday before I went to bed. Which usually happens so it is hard for me to sleep sober sometimes. Anyways so i just want to say that I am a little scared to be writing this for the first time. I feel safety in that knowing that someone knows but not seeing them, I don't know. I started triggering and all i could think was, "I couldn't listen because I wasn't suppose to". I really don't fully understand what this means. There were know images that went along really. All I could remember was that I listened to well. My parents used to always get mad at me for some shit that regards to that. I had to give up right. I had to stop fighting because I did something wrong by being be. Who I was. Man this is fucking hard (pause). I am sorry.... What did I do that was so wrong.


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#212320 - 03/22/08 04:20 PM Re: Really scared [Re: simonsurvives]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Simon you probably did nothing wrong. This stuff messes with our head so much that we cannot guess what it right and wroug with us anymore. If you have something to sleep with that makes you feel safe use it no matter how silly it may seem. Special blanket, stuffed animal, picture, song, or a night lite. It may help calm you enough to get some rest.

Lots of us kids spied on our parents. Especially if there were disagreementss going on. I spied on my dad some when I was little. Sure it was probably wrong to do but I was just a kid. What did I know? My dad spied on me. Kids are curious, parents are role models and we watch them to see how we should behave in various situations. That is just normal. Your not weird, freaky or even odd. Your ok. Your parents might be weird but that is kinda normal too, especially for the people here. Hope this helps but without knowing anymore about the situation that is all I have. Thanks for hte post.


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#212321 - 03/22/08 04:25 PM Re: Really scared [Re: Freedom49]
simonsurvives Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 58
Loc: California, Fresno
Thank you for the help. Unfortunately that I all I have for now. That is as much as been revealed. Its just hard for me sometimes to know the right and wrong answers. It hurts a lot. It all over the place.


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#212327 - 03/22/08 05:31 PM Re: Really scared [Re: simonsurvives]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
It will Simon for a while it will be all over the place. It will hurt a lot but I promise it gets better. Do you have a therapist who can understand the recovery process you heart wants to take you though? That would be a big help. The answers are all inside you. They are there if you dare to go looking but take you time. It can overwhelm you if you go to fast. Your doing good guy. Hang in there.


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#212331 - 03/22/08 05:36 PM Re: Really scared [Re: Freedom49]
simonsurvives Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 58
Loc: California, Fresno
Yea I do. I have been in therapy about 2 years I think or going on. But I have been to 6 I think maybe 7. Thank you for the support.
Simon


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