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#212068 - 03/21/08 07:08 AM Can women join?
Kiota Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/21/08
Posts: 3
I'm female but I'm also a survivor of abuse and an advocate for all victims of abuse, male or female. I'm in college studying to become a social worker. I've worked as a peer counselor online for the past four years and I'd really like to offer help and support to guys as well, but I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or anything like that, if this forum is generally men-only.


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#212091 - 03/21/08 09:09 AM Re: Can women join? [Re: Kiota]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
There are women who are members here, although they are usually partners of male survivors. There are certain forums that requested that ladies do not post in (like the primery Male Survivors forum). If you become paying member, again, there is some forums that ladies are allowed, and some not. It is very nice that you are wanting to offer support. Not to be rude, but I would just hope that you do not join here, if you do, to focus onto your own issues. If that is the situation, there is many, many groups and forums available for female abuse survivors. There is very little open to men. I do not say that is your desire here, I just wished to comment that. Thank you to not think badly on it.

Andrei


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#212134 - 03/21/08 02:44 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: ak]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Kiota,

This is a site primarily for men, but like Andrei said, women are welcomed here as family/friends who are supporting the male survivor in their life. We do have professionals here who are members of the Malesurvivor organization as a whole. Some of them are active on the website and others are involved in different aspects of the organization. If you are interested in using this site as a professional/scholastic resource, you would need to seek permission to post inquiries. I'll get the information as to who you need to contact and pm you; feel free to pm me with any questions you may have as well.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#212159 - 03/21/08 06:24 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: Trish4850]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I've PMed you the address of a site that is a lot like this one, but is 98% female in membership and perspective.

Its a VERY good site.

(edit)I would not feel uncomfortable with you being here BTW.



Edited by Robbie Brown (03/23/08 07:43 PM)
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#212163 - 03/21/08 06:56 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: Still]
Kiota Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/21/08
Posts: 3
I am already a member of that site. I'm not here for my own issues.

I'm not a partner or a relative or anything of a male survivor, though... just a random girl who would like to help guys who were abused as well as girls.


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#212167 - 03/21/08 07:06 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: Kiota]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Kiota,

It's a bit of an odd situation, but you're certainly welcome. This is a supportive community. Anything you can gain and give would be welcomed.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#212270 - 03/22/08 12:16 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: Kiota]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Hi Kiota;
Welcome to this site. Some men might feel uncomfortable talking to a woman on personal issues, and I have to respect that. However; I'm not one of them and I've seen other men on the chat-line who would welcome a woman's point of view. My present psychologist is female who was once a social worker who worked specifically with rape victims. Not surprising though, in the last five years I happen to be the only male rape victim in my city, who has officially come forward to speak about my agonising past at the local provincial mental health clinic. Hell; there's not even an official Rape Crisis Centre for women in my city of 150,000. I doubly doubt there will ever be a Rape Crisis Centre for men in my life time.
Well enough about me rambling on. Just wanted to say your very welcome to be here. I certainly wouldn't mind hearing from you in the Post's and Chat line in the future. Have a great day.



Edited by jcf1957 (03/22/08 12:32 PM)
_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#212392 - 03/22/08 11:24 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: jcf1957]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Kiota,

Speaking only on behalf of myself, I'd like to say welcome. I think that you're desire to connect and help is at it's heart, completely healthy and honorable.

I would personally request on thing from you. Please don't post in any of the clearly designated male-only groups. If you feel the need to reach out, send a PM to that person. There are a lot of us who would find ourselves less willing to be as candid as we might be in those forums if we knew that were were addressing mixed company.

That one request aside, there are so many places that you can offer your support and insight. The chat room, the F&F forum, sending supportive PM's, and many of the other forums that are open to general discussion (Spirituality, Off-topic, health and well-being, to name a few).

Welcome and thanks.

Chris

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#212422 - 03/23/08 02:48 AM Re: Can women join? [Re: Kiota]
Kiota Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/21/08
Posts: 3
Wouldn't PMing someone in response to something they posted on the male-only boards defeat the purpose though?


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#212561 - 03/23/08 07:06 PM Re: Can women join? *DELETED* [Re: Kiota]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#212609 - 03/23/08 09:57 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: awakening]
menspeakout Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/05/08
Posts: 36
Kiota,

Thank you for respecting the forum and it's members enough to put forward this question. I would have to agree however, that if you do not have a direct relationship with a male survivor that this is not an appropriate forum for you. My wife is a survivor of CSA and rape and works in the field as you do. She is also directly connected to several male survivors, however she shares my feelings on having a safe forum for men to speak with men. There are plenty of safe and secure forums for woman and I would encourage you to use your experience as a survivor and social worker on those forums.

_________________________
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#212635 - 03/23/08 11:10 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: menspeakout]
johnnymike Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Central Ohio
When I was looking for a site for help I first found a site primarily for women. It was a good site but did not address my needs. Then I found MS and I am learning a lot from the men here. Part of my comfort in sharing is due to the site being for men. I would like it to remain that way.


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#212685 - 03/24/08 10:43 AM Re: Can women join? [Re: johnnymike]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Quote:
Wouldn't PMing someone in response to something they posted on the male-only boards defeat the purpose though?


Not at all. This condition is part of the rules of the site, not just for you, but for all women who post here. Many of the men post/read in only the male forums as they are looking for support from their male brothers, without interference from us. It is a matter of safety and comfort for the men that women are restricted to only certain portions of the site.

As you can see from some of the above responses, many of the guys are comfortable interacting with women, others are not and since this is a site primarily for men, their wishes must be respected.

Please pm me if you're unsure of something and I'll be happy to guide you.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#212797 - 03/24/08 08:29 PM Re: Can women join? [Re: Trish4850]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey Trish, just a clarification, is the malesurvivor forum even available to woman. Can they see it and read and are asked not to post or does it not even show up in their list.

What about the members side for yourself?

Mike



Edited by mogigo (03/24/08 08:30 PM)
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#212915 - 03/25/08 07:35 AM Re: Can women join? [Re: mogigo]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Mike,

The public forums are viewable by everyone who comes here. The member forums are another story. The F&F can't see the malesurvivor forum and the malesurvivors can't see the F&F forum on that side. As a Mod, I do have access to all of the forums, but just like on the public side, I respect the guidelines and don't post openly to you guys. Not that I haven't made a mistake every now and again, but the rules apply to me as well.

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#235422 - 07/03/08 08:05 AM Re: Can women join? [Re: Kiota]
bgd Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/29/08
Posts: 17
Loc: Melbourne, Australia
Kiota,

As a male member, I appreciate your concern and intentions.
However, I agree with "Awakening". It is hard to trust women, and Awakening described it very well.
I find it very interesting that you want to join this site. About 6 months ago, not long after I started therapy, I saw a community interest story in the local paper. It was a female therapist offering art therapy classes to sexual assault victims.
The article did not stipulate that it was exclusive to any gender, so I rang up and made an appointment to meet her. When I met her, she seemed a little cold, but anyway, I thought that was just me being me. She told me that the class only had women in it at this stage, and she would ask them for a vote on how they felt about a male joining. So she said she would call me back. I had my hopes up so high that this would be something positive I could do to aid my recovery.
But unfortunately, she never bothered, and to my amazement, I found that she is a therapist at the clinic I go to.
I'm not sure if I am making sense here, but it is very difficult.
Let me say in addition that I would not mind if you were a member - I don't want this to be a gender war (which is what I feel I am in most days)
I think a female perspective can be very helpul, so perhaps people who are saying that there are specific places that you can comment, are on the right track.
I hope you don't take offence, I am only trying to put my perspective across.


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#235433 - 07/03/08 09:44 AM Re: Can women join? [Re: bgd]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
As long as you stick to the appropriate forums, I have no problem with you here.

\:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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