I have no doubt in my mind that PTSD is real. Like you both said it does not only effect me, it effects everybody around me. My unpredictable behavior, feeling of being confused, bewildered and feeling of abandonment is such that it puts such strain on me and my relationships. I can't explain how and why I feel like I do. I can't explain my mean words and bad behavaior. I can't explain my mood swings from one minute to another.
I get that association of guilt for what happened to me and then how I screwed up so many people/friends I associate with. I want to think that when I do all this crap that ends up hurting others, that that is not the real Ken. Its someone else in the f..k'd up body of mine. But then if that is true, who do I blame?
I sometimes feel I am doing so good and then its like, will I ever get my life in order again. But then, what is an orderly life? I haven't got a clue. All I know is I hate my life the way it is. There has got to be something better out there. I hope I find it because this life is really not worth living.
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN
From the Movie: Antwone Fisher
***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***