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#211785 - 03/19/08 10:47 PM Re: Trying [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Larry - knowing your story as I do, it sounds like you were triggered by him being an official of the church, much like the deacon was an official of your church. I could imagine it felt dangerous being in that situation because here you were with a church official and "that" (the SA) was in the room as well, even though it was there as an intangible object, being your conversation. I could be totally off the wall (as I often am), but that's my take.

Love you, man,
Eddie

_________________________
Eddie

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#211798 - 03/19/08 11:34 PM Re: Trying [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eddie,

You may well be right. In a kind of silly way it was like the robot in "Lost in Space" buzzing around waving its arms and droning "Danger! Danger!" Not anything specific, just danger. And this despite the fact that I liked the guy.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#211820 - 03/20/08 01:16 AM Re: Trying [Re: roadrunner]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Quote:
In a kind of silly way it was like the robot in "Lost in Space" buzzing around waving its arms and droning "Danger! Danger!"

Larry,

You describe that so well, it's comical but yet it rings so true, which also makes it sobering. We learned as a kid that such and such was very unsafe. We built our life around that fact. Our little guy's still don't understand that they are now safe and like the robot just keep warning us that danger is imminent. They throw all the emotion and anger they've kept in reserve into their warning and actually flood our system with adrenalin urging us into "fight or flight".

Your reaction was completely understandable given the situation.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#212052 - 03/21/08 02:42 AM Re: Trying [Re: WalkingSouth]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6501
Loc: Terminus
Larry,

Just so you know, I'm hear praying for you and your family. I can't say much more about your post...but I've read it all. It causes me much fear and anxiety...can't say much more.

_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#212205 - 03/21/08 10:28 PM Re: Trying [Re: Still]
Pete2004 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/04
Posts: 958
Loc: North Carolina
Lsrry:

Just a reminder that I am praying for you this weekend.

\:\)

Peter

_________________________
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
No one goes his way alone;
What we send into the lives of others,
comes back into our own. (Edwin Markham)

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#212207 - 03/21/08 10:32 PM Re: Trying [Re: Pete2004]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Thinking of you this sunday Larry, I may sneak out the back my self. Easter was mom's favorite service.


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#212209 - 03/21/08 10:43 PM Re: Trying [Re: Freedom49]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
I've got my arms around you and your family over the weekend, Larry. You've got all the support we can muster. Hope you're feeling it.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#212227 - 03/22/08 12:38 AM Re: Trying [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Thanks so much - all this means the world to me. I can't say how I am doing - pretty well so far, all things considered. I had a session with my "American T" \:\) Sharon and that was a good thing; we talked about Little Larry's continuing feelings about churches and I was finally able to say that he's terrified of God.

I do want to see all this as the evil of one person, because that's exactly what it is. That's perfectly clear to me, but I also understand that knowing it and believing it are two very different things. Part of me still sees the abuser as almost magical in his power. I remember sitting at the dinner table as a boy and thinking that if he wanted to, the abuser could walk into my house right now and drag me away by my ankle (he did that once, moving me to a "better spot"); I would be unable to utter a sound and no one would even see it happening.

So a lot of memories and a lot of old images whirling around. Little Larry wants us to work on recovery without giving God the chance to throw us under the bus again; Big Larry thinks he's a spiritual person and wants to say "Trust me; that won't happen and that's not the way it was back then anyway." The fear of a child is an awesome thing.

Much love,
Larry


_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#212229 - 03/22/08 12:45 AM Re: Trying [Re: roadrunner]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Larry,

Have I told you lately what a brave man you are? Both you and little Larry are among the bravest guys I have ever known.

Love you, big bro,
Eddie

_________________________
Eddie

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#212269 - 03/22/08 11:49 AM Re: Trying [Re: EGL]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi Larry

A word about this thread & your signature

Reconsecration?

Craig

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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