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#211790 - 03/19/08 11:02 PM epiphanies
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i have decided
- there is nothing shameful in being at "rock bottom"
- it is perfectly acceptable to feel completely isolated and alone
- i should not feel guilty for feeling like trash
- i am not "broken" just because i'm going thru major depression right now


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#211793 - 03/19/08 11:24 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: MarkK]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Mark,

And of course.... from there, you can only go up!

Many of us are here to lend a helping hand, just reach out!!!!

Luv ya,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#211794 - 03/19/08 11:25 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Good for you! We all have bad patches, and if we let them get us down further then the bad patch may just continue. We do need to remember that recovery is hard work and that sometimes progress hurts.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#211808 - 03/20/08 12:11 AM Re: epiphanies [Re: roadrunner]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I have a sign I put up when I started. It says "Be nice, it will be hard".

_________________________
Thriving

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#211832 - 03/20/08 06:24 AM Re: epiphanies [Re: mogigo]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Yeah, MarkK--the only thing worse than feeling bad and beating yourself up is feeling bad about feeling bad, and beating yourself up for beating yourself up. Accepting that we have those feelings and must have them sometimes isn't the same thing as saying that they're the reality and it is hopeless. It's just accepting the process, like any other kind of healing.

Mike--I love that sign! That says it all.

David


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#211839 - 03/20/08 08:30 AM Re: epiphanies [Re: MemoryVault]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: MemoryVault
the only thing worse than feeling bad and beating yourself up is feeling bad about feeling bad, and beating yourself up for beating yourself up.

actually - the worst is when your "support team" or "friends" or whatever, beat you up for feeling bad instead of just accepting that you feel bad.

m


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#211840 - 03/20/08 08:36 AM Re: epiphanies [Re: MarkK]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I has a support group that did that and I left them. They don't contact me and I don't them. They were doing more harm than good.
I can't be in a group that used guilt, shame, and fear for support.
Glad to hear you are on the upswing good for you! I'm happy for you
Mark.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#211841 - 03/20/08 08:36 AM Re: epiphanies *DELETED* [Re: MemoryVault]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#211862 - 03/20/08 10:55 AM Re: epiphanies [Re: awakening]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Mark,

I thought I was ready for a melt down yesterday. Seems nothing was going right for me, social, family or work. My feelings and emotions were so different and I couldn't find the coping skills to help me. I was down and ready to crack.

Then I decided to get on my motorcycle and take a ride. It was the best thing I could have done. I came back from a long ride and made the decision to accept the way I feel. Your post is also making me feel much better. Yea, I am down, so what? I will deal with it and who knows, maybe tomorrow I will feel better.

Thanks for the "words"

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#211864 - 03/20/08 11:13 AM Re: epiphanies [Re: KENKEN]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Seems like this is a common feeling to some of us lately. I certainly felt like I sank to the bottom over the last few weeks.

Mark, what you say is a pretty big deal. Being okay with not feeling good at all has never been easy for me. I can quickly forget how I got there and start the downward spiral of negative feedback.

Good for you!

Craig

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#211870 - 03/20/08 12:14 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: cbfull]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
just posting anything at all is a good sign...
at least you still care enough to talk!
the three hardest words for me to say have always been "i need help".
you feel how you feel, and letting someone, anyone else know- can be very hard.
Thanks for posting.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#212385 - 03/22/08 11:01 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: dgoods]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Chapter 2.

sometimes it's ok to give up


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#212388 - 03/22/08 11:11 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: MarkK]
SuperTramp7981 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
The world will keep on turning can't stop it, no use trying.....

_________________________
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

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#212390 - 03/22/08 11:16 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: MarkK]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Mark,

That is all so true. Just this week I had a "I give up" day. I woke up form a horrible nightmare and simply could not get to work. I accepted that this was a part of my healing process and managed to sleep some more and get in to see my T and talk about what was going on. By not attacking myself for feeling bad I was actually able to find the strength to do something productive about it. The next day I felt sufficiently better to go to work.

The biggest epiphany I had this week (in my session with my T after the nightmare actually) was that all those people who told me at 5 years old that I had to modify my behavior were wrong. There was nothing wrong with the way I behaved at 5 years old (or subsequently ever). I had unstoppable tantrums because I was living in unacceptable circumstances that I had no power to change. I couldn't make appropriate social connections because I had no one in my life to teach me those skills. Instead all I received were messages that I had to change my behavior. There was nothing wrong with me. That's a pretty big one for me right now.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#212571 - 03/23/08 07:49 PM Re: epiphanies [Re: tartugas]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Chapter 3

You can't do it alone. But the kicker - you can't trust anyone to help you.

M


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