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#211672 - 03/19/08 11:21 AM Finding "Little Me"...
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
I have been struggling with the concept of a "Little Me" or "Little Dude". I have seen so many people talk about getting in contact with their "little guy" in their postings. I have no idea what this really means and what role does it play in recovery. It makes me feel as if I am not progressing in my recovery because I have not encountered my little guy. Does everyone get intouch with their little guy?

I asked my therapist about this and he couldn't explain it to me..almost like her never heard that term before.

I thank you in advance for comments.

Dan



Edited by DanM (03/19/08 11:22 AM)

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#211673 - 03/19/08 11:30 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: DanM]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
To me, it means recognizing little Robbie as an enduring persona. That is, he's still alive and very real. I had abandoned him to seek a life of supposed normalcy. I turned away from him as if he were too ugly a site to see. I walked past him like an ice-cold millionaire might do with a begger on the street.

I've since gone running back to him, hugged him and begun to deal with all the issues we share in common. What happened to me at 7-14 years old happened to my 7-14 year-old. The adult I am today can finally rush back and tell him it was not his fault.

As a kid, I use to have conversations with myself in the bathroom mirror. I use to promise myself that "we will get out of this some day and lead a safe life." Well, I did move on, but I left little Robbie back in the dust. No longer will I do that.

I know this is terribly abstract, but I hope it helps you visualize my version of the idea.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#211693 - 03/19/08 01:08 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: Still]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Dan,
To me my Little Roger is the part of me that was shut down. Hurt and silent. Numb if you will. In my mind I go back to that time in my life where I was a kid and try to remember what it was like. I bottled up emotions and memories back then for some reason in order to cope with what was happeningto me as a kid.

In order to understand why I cope or want to cope the way I do now when life becomes to much I need to find that littly guy and find out how he coped back then. Then I can change the way I cope today once I understand why the need to act out in old coping methods.

It was a revelation for me to see my acting out now is just the same way he acted out with his peers back then to try to understand what had happened to him. Knowlege is power. Power to change.
Also I had some terrible feelings of fear, insecurtiy, shame, guilt, self harm, etc. I still carry a lot of these but understnading my little guy and why he felt that helps me recognize those lies in me today and not act or react on or out of them.
I hope this ramble helps.



Edited by Freedom49 (03/19/08 01:10 PM)

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#211730 - 03/19/08 04:53 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: Freedom49]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO

Dan,

My "little guy" I found just a few months ago. I always remember the first 14 years of my life as that of being sexual abused by my brother. My life did not begin until I was 14. Thats when my brother, was drafted.

I did receive a pic. of me b/4 the abuse began from my sister just a few months ago. I cried and cried and still do at times when I look at that defenseless "little guy". I forgot all about him, forgot how hard of a life he had growing up with 7 siblings. He was not loved, he was not wanted, he was a lonely boy. But now that I found him there were GOOD MEMORIES I am remembering. My "little guy" pic. is in my wallet and will be with me forever. I am recovering for him! I owe him that much for all he has been through. I LOVE THAT "little guy"

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#211732 - 03/19/08 05:01 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: DanM]
SuperTramp7981 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
I'll be honest. I don't really have one anymore, I am who I am now, the "little me" simply changed into me over the past 6-7 years. Maybe I just feel this way because I'm a lot younger then a lot of people here, and my experiences happened all things considered not THAT long ago.

_________________________
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

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#211738 - 03/19/08 05:28 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: SuperTramp7981]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
I completely understand that feeling Supertramp. This july will be the 9th aniversery of the end of my abuse, and I deffinately feeel that it's more of a continuous line from then to now, than a "litle me" vs "Big me" split.

there are though as Freedom 49 said, a lot of things I realize which have come from what I went through, fears and belief, and ways of thinking. In admitting to myself last november that things are not fine, I'm begining to entertain the possibility that some of these beliefs and fears are alterable, and one way to think about that is to considder the contrast betwene the way I was before all this stuff happened, and the way I am now.

I'd never use the "litle me" metaphore myself, ----- in fact if I were to give this notion of myself before and during the abuse a name, I'd call him or it the alien prince, sinse that's very much the way I thought of myself back then.

the idea of creating feelings for myself by considdering this theoretical idea of the alien prince as someone I could care for though as robby and some other people here do is one that seems utterly impossible to me at the moment.

the alien prince for all intents and purposes is me, and there's nothing I can value in me, ----- or at least that's how I feel right now.


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#211786 - 03/19/08 10:50 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: dark empathy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I have talked about this in various threads, but for an amazing introduction have a look at The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. As you begin it will seem like a children's book, but think again! \:\) It's an easy read - only about 90 pages and many of those are illustrations.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#211823 - 03/20/08 02:04 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: roadrunner]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Supertramp your absolutely right. If you talk to the teens here who were abused some less than a decade ago you will find that they cannot comprehed the separate Little Them either. We older guys are so separate from our abuse in time and have been in denial for so long it is like he is a separate entity because our little guys feelings were so different from what ares are now.



Edited by Freedom49 (03/20/08 02:06 AM)

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#211826 - 03/20/08 02:22 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: roadrunner]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Hey Dan,

Have I got reading material for you!

I think I have basically settled on "Little Me" or "Inner Child" or "Little Brian" to be a collection of thoughts and feelings that are essentially child-like in nature and still very much a vital part of life.

To highlight this, let's take a common every day circumstance. A trigger, for example. Where the "Adult" Brian would typically put a questionable phrase or action through a series of "Filters" and apply a truckload of Logic and adult reasoning to it and come out okay... I still on occasion react without logic and perhaps become 'scared' of whatever it is. Why? Because 'little Brian' is interpreting that and setting off red flags rather than Adult Brian. No, 'little Brian' is not a separate entity but more so the pieces of my thought patterns that were 'frozen in time' by the trauma of abuse. Thus, my reaction to specific triggers or circumstances is based on these child-like equations rather than with the reasoning and understanding of my 26-year-old mind.

Never the less, I believe we each need to reach our own conclusions on the subject and I thought it might be an idea to link you to a couple of threads that were so instrumental in my exploration of this very subject... I can try to condense all of this into one paragraph but really... What I just said was based on a massive process of exploration of my thoughts on the matter... So grab a coffee, pull up a chair... and here's some links for ya.

I should also mention -- Larry just referred you to "The Little Prince"... This first thread I'm linking you to also has a more verbose version of Larry's thoughts on The Little Prince, too! \:\)
The Process/Inner Child

In my final reply to that thread, I make reference to a post on the member's side which it looks like you should have access to it so I'll link it here:

EMDR: Resistance/Surreal Encounter

I'm glad you asked this question Dan. If you need someone to be a 'sounding board' for any ideas or thoughts, let me know \:\) I think I might go back and re-read these threads for my sake now.

Cheers,
~Brian

_________________________
Boom!

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#211829 - 03/20/08 02:30 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: Freedom49]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
It's funny you should mention the little prince Larry. One song that always brings me to tears is the prince's song performed by the boy soprano Joseph Mcmanas, which is from the 2004 opera made of the little prince.

Even before my crysis in november this happened, and hearing that song was very painful to me. In January I realized that the reason felt so much pain because the character expressed in that song was so close to the way I thought of myself at eleven, before my feelings of fear, worthlessness and depression. I very much was the alien prince.

I would like to hear the full opera, (it's apparently available on Cd), and of course read the book, but I think it would be a very painful experience.


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#211831 - 03/20/08 06:07 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: DanM]
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
deleted



Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:33 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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#211837 - 03/20/08 08:01 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: dking777]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Thank you guys...I have a better understanding...it really is defferent for each person. I think I was viewing it too literally.

Larry and Brian...thank you for the suggested reading. I am off today and if I have sometime, I will try and do some reading.

I also think I am going to try and find a picture of me as a little kid. This might help me to make that connection...and serve as my new avatar....:)

Dan


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#211863 - 03/20/08 10:58 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: DanM]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Dan,

I hope you are able to find a picture of "little Dan", It has worked wonders for me. I now feel like I am never alone in my recovery. That "little guy" is there with me.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#211967 - 03/20/08 08:42 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: KENKEN]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Well, I found a picture of me when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I have been looking at this picture all afternoon...and a big smile comes to my face...at first I didn't think it was me..but of course it was...the the smile appeared. I am not sure what to make of this. Unfortunately, when I uploaded it, the pictures seems a little distorted...any ideas how I can correct this?

Dan


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#211987 - 03/20/08 10:10 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: DanM]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
i put up a picture at one point and it became distorted but it corrected itself somehow, i don't know how, and then i didn't feel comfortable with it so i tried to replace it with a picture of something else but it kept showing the same picture so i havent got any picture now

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#212054 - 03/21/08 03:27 AM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: king tut]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Dan

I have helped many of the guys out with their avatars. When I get a chance I will clear up your avatar for you and I'll PM you the image so you can save it.

Hopefully will be able to do this soon \:\) It's an awesome photo!

_________________________
Boom!

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#212142 - 03/21/08 03:29 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: frost]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Thank you...Brian.


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#212168 - 03/21/08 07:07 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: dking777]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Sounds like me

Except I hid in a "box" in my own mind.

Dissociation


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#212176 - 03/21/08 08:17 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: pufferfish]
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
Sounds like me

Except I hid in a "box" in my own mind.

Dissociation


Hi,

I feel there are many metaphorical expressions.



Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:31 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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#212198 - 03/21/08 09:59 PM Re: Finding "Little Me"... [Re: dking777]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
dking that is probably the best de>

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