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#211736 - 03/19/08 05:22 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: roadrunner]
SuperTramp7981 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
Me In middle school....here it goes:

In middle school (2000-2001) I was not exactly a popular kid (maybe because I was an American, I'll never know), living in a suburb near Toronto. Like most 12-13 year olds, I thought I knew pretty much everything, had superpowers, and was all grown up. I was a taller kid in class, just got my glasses, and hated them. I played football (soccer) as a center fullback. I loved watching the MLS My favorite team was The New England Revolution (still is even though by default I am a Toronto F.C fan now too). I loved hockey especially the Maple Leafs and The Canadiens, same as now too, but we didn't have the money for me to play on an organized team. So I watched from the sideline. My favorite player was Jose Theodore of Montreal.

My favorite music groups were the same as now, Creed and Our Lady Peace. I spent a lot of my free time reading, what I can't recall, but that was when I first delved into Tolkien's works. (the first movie came out when i was in 8th grade, i saw it 5 or 6 times in the theater, It mesmerized me, I never saw anything like it since Titanic). I also liked video games, I played Nintendo 64 a lot by myself and with my few friends. Unfortunately I was in the school band as well (my older sister was at one point but was in high school by then) And I was abused by the man in charge (who admittedly was one of my favorite teachers) I still kept going to band practices and events, until late in 8th grade when I quit, much to the chagrin of my parents.

A weird (ironic?) connection to the present. I still play a drum, but it's only at soccer games At BMO field, as a member of the Red Patch boys. I guess that shows much of what I was still applies. I still love the same things.

_________________________
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

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#211737 - 03/19/08 05:25 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: Marinan]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
ok, so since you posted this i've been thinking about it all day, for some reason it has really been playing on my mind.

i've been trying to compose a response, questions and different things keep appearing in my mind, and then even when i do compose something i find it hard to draw the line in what i'm saying concerning "victim" and "innoccence"

and also from being "defenseless" and being mentally slow, estranged from the kind of world that other people live in or ignorant

and memories that are good are naturally connected to people that you don't want to please anymore

i've written 5 pages in microsoft word already and i've found so many things that i have to give thought to about different people, different things, and why i did things the way i did, and i've realised that there are parts of my life that are too blurry for comfort and i cant remember why i felt the need to do things like not talk for periods at a time or not to use my right hand for anything and because i kept to myself so much i never thought about the things that i now see are odd and not normal and i never questioned anything, there are lots of things that now come to mind, big major things that i never gave any thought, and then i think why didn't i think that was odd, in anybody elses life that wouldnt go unnoticed. Anyway, sorry i cant contribute at the moment but this thread has helped, although i didn't intend on spending the whole night writing so i'm going to have to mess up my sleep pattern and stay up to do all my homework for tomorrow

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#211740 - 03/19/08 05:30 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: dark empathy]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Just a thought: Take a look at a T-shirt in the boys clothing department; compare it to one of your own. How could anyone who wears a boys size 14 shirt not be an innocent little kid?

Several years ago I was helping my mom clean out her house, garage and backyard storage shed. I found my old boy scout shirt from the time that I was being abused. It threw me for a loop. I wanted to burn it, destroy it. I went to one of Mike Lew's weekend retreats a week or so later. I wrote a poem about it. It helped me heal. It's called 'Cleaning out the attic'. I reposted it in the Poetry section last November.

Take good care of yourselves my friends, we didn't deserve any of the stuff that was done to us, we were those innocent kids.

Steve



Edited by Stephen_5 (03/19/08 05:34 PM)
_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#211744 - 03/19/08 05:54 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: Stephen_5]
SuperTramp7981 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
I didn't (and still don't) think I was defenseless. I know people will say otherwise, but I don't think I was defenseless at age 13.

_________________________
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

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#211750 - 03/19/08 07:52 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Little Me,
Was about 6 and was living in a ever changing home, although I did not have much I enjoyed laughing and playing with cars and trucks.
I liked to make roads in th sand and drive my toy card around. I liked to play with bugs and dig worms and catch ants. Watch dragon flies and butter flies. I liked to sing songs and read Dr Suse. Green eggs & ham.I liked playing go fish and old maid, trouble, and hands down. I was innocent, I was just a kid!



Edited by GateKPR4 (03/19/08 07:54 PM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#211756 - 03/19/08 08:57 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: GateKPR4]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Now you've all gone and made me cry... \:\)

Little Me,

I was 5. I lived with my parents, my two older sisters and two older brothers in a big old two story house in Brownsville, California. I had two grandma's who lived one on either side of my house. I loved to go play in "Big Grandma's" yard. She had lots of interesting things in her yard like the outhouse. I'd play in there until I saw the blackwidows and I'd never go back unless I had to! She also had a spot by her wellhouse that had some clay soil. I'd wet it down and make worms and snakes and houses and all kinds of neat things. I used to like to go over to "Little Grandma's" house and play table games with her like Parcheesi. I was pretty good at it and sometimes she'd let me win! I liked to play with my brother but he had to start going to school so I couldn't play with him during the day. I'd wait and wait and wait and drive my momma nuts asking her when it was time for my brother to be home from school. I had lots of stuffed animals and toy trucks and cars. We had a couple of cats called Midget and Muffin. They were brother and sister and I loved them. Little Grandma had a Pug dog named Frisky. He was so excitable. Whenever anyone would come in the room he'd go into orbit and run around and around the room till he was panting and drooling. He was funny. Our church was about half African American and half Caucasian. I loved to go there and greet all the people. My could we sing in that church! I loved to sing with them, but the best part was the potlucks!

I was just a kid!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#211757 - 03/19/08 09:01 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: roadrunner]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Little Me,
I was only 4, maybe 5. I don't remember much. I didn't even have any friends yet, just 2 older brothers and a younger sister. I do know that up to then I was happy, full of life and loved our dog Frisky. That was all about to change.
I was a little kid without a clue of what was coming.
Dale


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#211784 - 03/19/08 10:44 PM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: Elad 12]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
little me: i was 14. just moved to california. transfered from a boarding school to public school. i was just starting up dance classes in the new state. had been doing ballet and tap since i was 4. my new studio was great. i loved ballet. the structure of it. everything had a place. i was slender. tall. like a green bean. but awkward. i was taking honors classes at school. world history, earth science, alegrbra, writing comp. i was wearing all abercombie and fitch clothes. (as was everyone.) i just started wearing colonge. we had pool class in gym. i had this huge ass backpack because my locker was far away from my classes and i was stressed about being late. my combintaion was 22-14-10. i was just a kid.


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#211824 - 03/20/08 02:18 AM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: dark empathy]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Wow.... Larry this thread has really got me thinking.

I have many thoughts I could mention, but many of them are stories told at family functions. They are not really my memories. I’m going to write about things that I actually remember.

Little Me: remembers when I was in first grade,(6 1/2) I got really sick. (spinal meningitis) I was put into quarantine, at the children’s hospital. My memories of this time include my parents coming into the room with those surgical masks covering their face. Being stuck in the room over looking the playground and being really sad that I couldn’t go out and play on the neat equipment. And, getting a bunch of get well cards from my whole class. They also sent along a stuffed toy. Because of the sterile setting, it had to be a non-fuzzy toy. It was made of this really tough material, and it was a raggedy Andy type doll, but he was wearing kind of a flowery pinkish outfit. I called him Pinky, and I kept that doll until I was almost 14. By that time, Pinky was looking kind of rough. His final day was brought about by the cruel actions of our new puppy. I think I held that dog responsible for Pinkies murder for several years. (but of course this was about a year after my abuse, so some of that anger was probably from that)

The backyard of the house I lived in until I was 9, was just a normal yard with a fence around it. The a patio had an awning over it made of the old style corrugated fiber glass. The awning would cast a colorful shadow. It was green fiber glass and the color would wash down on the concrete when it was sunny out. I would play on that patio for hours. We had a next door neighbor who was a very troubled boy. His dad was a cop and one summer day when his dad came home for lunch, “Tommy” snuck into the police car and took the shotgun. He wanted to show us how cool it was. (this was before they had gun locks in the cop cars.) So a bunch of the neighborhood kids were standing around on the patio looking at the gun, as we passed it around, I remember it being really heavy. Well as luck would have it, one of the other kids handed it back to “Tommy” and he didn’t get a good hold on it. Well as the gun fell towards the ground luckily it hit with the stock first. BANG!!!!! The barrel was pointed straight up in the air, and the green awning suddenly had a huge hole. I don’t remember much after the gun went off, but I do know we all scattered and we didn’t see “Tommy” for several weeks after that.

I also remember Easter egg hunts at my grandmothers house. We would all go over to grandmas, and she would get some of those plastic eggs, and fill them with coins. If you were really lucky, you would find one with a dollar bill in it. All the grandkids would scramble around until we found them all. The funny thing was grandma wouldn’t remember how many she would hide. Many times we would think we had found them all, until one of us would go over to cut the grass, a month later, and find an egg under a bush.

I could go on to share many good memories of scouting, but those would take many pages. So for now I will just say I had a lot of good times in scouts, and one life changing moment. BUT.... I was just a Kid!!!!!

Great idea Larry, Thanks....

And for those who have shared, much thanks! I am so glad to hear about some of the good times in your lives.

Luv ya all,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#212057 - 03/21/08 04:43 AM Re: Thinking about Little Me [Re: Scoutvictim]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Little Me: I had a a little beagle dog (real dog) named Lucy. She was my best friend in the world. Stuffed animals were a mound of love on my bed. My Mom was confined to a wheelchair - frequently in the hospital, Dad traveled heavily, so I was raised by hired help. They kept leaving...so Lucy and I kept each other happy.

My Lionel train set would run all day whenever I stayed home sick or if there was a storm outside. My bedroom had cowboy-and-indian wallpaper that use to capture my imagination as I'd lay in bed.

Outside, I'd catch toads, frogs and tadpoles. I ruled my woods as a kingdom. I knew every trail, hill and climb-able tree.

I loved sledding down Sullivan's hill. It was huge!

It all ended....I was just a kid though.

(this was the hardest post I've written here on MS....God I hate this)

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