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#211346 - 03/17/08 09:05 PM Will I ever find "the one"
SuperTramp7981 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
I feel like I'll never find someone special, In particular someone who likes ME for ME. I'm to nervous to join any of the GLBT Groups at school so so that cancels that out. Gay bars and clubs are definitely NOT my scene. I'm not a stereotype, I don't have a lisp and act feminine (i enjoy some "non-manly" things though) And I'm not looking for a stereotype, I'm looking for someone to just spend time with, be honest with, to enjoy life with. Is it ever possible to find such a person? It doesn't seem like it will ever happen.

_________________________
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

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#211348 - 03/17/08 09:21 PM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: SuperTramp7981]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
relax. he's out there. you are still in school? that's part of the problem. a lot of guys aren't really "looking" for "the one" in high school or college. focus on finishing and getting out into the real world. then, i swear... all the hot men of your dreams start coming out of the woodwork. it's weird. like everywhere you go you see gay guys.


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#211355 - 03/17/08 09:53 PM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: Jarrad]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Jarrad's got a point. I waited a long time to pursure my life. Once I did and as I started to become comfortable with socializing as 'who I am', they were and are all around
'coming out of the woodwork.' Wherever I have gone. You'll find 'one' and even 'the one!' We're everywhere :)!

peace - Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#211388 - 03/18/08 12:43 AM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: markgreyblue]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Is there such a thing as "the one?" The one person who understands you totally and unquestionably? I'm not sure. I think it may be a product of romantic comedies and Halmark.

I think all relationships take work and a little give and take on both ends. I think it's working through the differences in each other that makes the relationship special. *shrug*

BTW, I loved "Into the Wild," (i.e. -- Christopher McCandless, Supertramp, et al). It's one of my many Bibles. LOL \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#211431 - 03/18/08 09:37 AM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: AndyJB2005]
VLinvictus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 273
Loc: NY
I don't believe there is a "the one" or "soulmate" or "true love" -- that would imply that human beings are static and frozen and do not change or evolve so that the "one perfect person" is always the bashert or destinied partner no matter what a person may experience in life.

There is no "Mr. Right" -- but there are probably many "Mr. Right-For-Now" (as opposed to "Mr. Right Now"). Rather than focusing on some elusive goal of "the one" it's much better, IMO, to be appreciative of whom you have in your life at the present, because the present is all we really can count on.

_________________________
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
~ Oscar Wilde

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#211458 - 03/18/08 12:05 PM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: VLinvictus]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
ST,

When I was in college a gay friend of mine had a problem that sounds similar to yours. He could easily find guys who wanted sex, but no one who seemed willing to see him as anything other than that sort of opportunity. We talked about it, and it turns out he was looking in the wrong places: gay bars, baths, saunas, and so on. I suggested he check out the gay students' organization on campus and that opened up all kinds of opportunities for him. Don't be afraid to call them and say "I'm real nervous about this". They will understand; they've ALL been there.

I am not gay, but I want to comment on your idea of finding "the one" and connecting that to the idea of finding someone who will appreciate you just as YOU. Those two things are different. You are 19, bro. You have a whole LOT of life ahead of you, and I would not be worrying right now about whether or not you will find someone to spend your life with. Finding people who will accept you and care for you just as you are, however, is something else. We all need that, regardless of our sexual orientation, and remember that you don't need to reward friendship with sex. Many survivors, teens and adults, fall into that trap.

You are special and important just as you are, and without any sexual attachments or connections. There are plenty of people out there who will be willing to accept you on that basis - including, to begin with, friends you make here.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#211475 - 03/18/08 12:43 PM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: roadrunner]
VLinvictus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 273
Loc: NY
Larry has a lot of good points (as usual!)

Let my story be a cautionary tale: I thought I had found "the one" because I was still emotionally a child and needed someone to replicate my abusive relationship with my father because I was terrified of being alone.

So I jumped into a "committed relationship" at the age of 20, which I now regret with every fiber of my being and wish to God or Whomever is there to release me from it.

Don't make the mistake I did!

Dan

_________________________
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
~ Oscar Wilde

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#211626 - 03/19/08 05:42 AM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: SuperTramp7981]
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
deleted



Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:34 AM)

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#211627 - 03/19/08 05:43 AM Re: Will I ever find "the one" [Re: SuperTramp7981]
dking777 Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 94
Loc: CA
deleted



Edited by dking777 (10/25/09 01:33 AM)
_________________________
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Bittersweet Symphony

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