As I said on your other thread, when we feel this way we should talk about it. I'm glad you can do that. I don't want to invalidate any of your feelings, but I'll just say the agony you are in right now had led me to start a thread you might want to look at. Thanks for helping me see the need for it.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)