This is going on from something my therapist said this afternoon. i know that some of the people on here have experienced the same thing, and perhaps they could help me with this one?
Everytime someone compliments me, or wishes to be friends with me, I in some way avoid it and become defensive, like a hedgehog curling into a ball. Either they are simply being nice (and some of my friends are absolutely wonderful), or I actively do myself down with a joke, ----- even start stuttering and becoming uncomfortable. My friend the counceler even said the other day she thought I was becoming defensive and pushing her away everytime she tried to say something nice about me.
I love helping other people, and will freely highlight positive things about them if I think it will help them, but I can't stand it when it's done to me.
My question is why?
Why does friendship, and love and thinking positively seem so much harder to bear than pain, rejection, cryticism, insults and cruelty?
why is it that I can play music full of dispare and fear and though it is hard, get through it by holding on to myself, and yet a few bright cause in a piece of music full of hope or love, ---- like the titanic or return of the jedi soundtracks, reduce me to inconsolable tears?
why do I find it so much more difficult to believe people might like me, or even love me than hate me?
I'd really appreciate some help here.