I was away for the weekend and so didn't see this until now. I don't have a lot to offer that hasn't already been said, but I CAN say that meds helped me a lot back when I was starting out.
Like you, I hated the idea of being medicated or zoned out, but that's not what happened. I had bad depression and I was so dysfunctional there were days I just could not even leave the house. On top of that the feelings I was having were just crushing and overwhelming.
The meds didn't make me feel spaced out. They restored my sense of emotional balance and that allowed me to function again and begin to do the serious work. And meds aren't a lifetime sentence either. I was on a maximum dose of mine and it took 6 months to phase them out, but by December last year I was off them entirely.
Taking meds isn't a sign of failure, Mark, and it doesn't mean we're losing it. It's just asking for the help we need.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)