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#211147 - 03/16/08 08:56 PM Re: losing battle [Re: Freedom49]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Mark,

I felt just the way that you do about 9 months ago. I had started my healing journey and everything appeared to be going very well, then I had a perios where I felt empty and worthless and physically and emotionally exhausted. I was spent from trying to deal with my CSA 24/7. I had no interest in being with my family and in fact, I thought why even go on living...I was so tired. Everything was tolerable while was working but when I came home or by myself,I dwelled on the CSA and I felt terrible. Finally, I had kind of a come to Jesus talk with God and asked why am I being punished. I started going to church/mass 4-5 times a week, and I started to spend more time with my family...and a little less time on the CSA each night. Somehow, this seem to work for me....a renewed faith in god and my family. The continous depression/sadness...just kind of disappeared...I still have bad days, but nothing like I was experiencing. I think one of the keys is to try and have balance in your life...learn to have fun and relax..i know it is easier said then done. It seems so very odd to say you have to learn how to have fun and relax...but unfortunately..that is what we have to do...since we have lived our lives at a constant state of hightened alert...we never relax...always on guard...well, at least for me.

I hope you feel better and find some comfort and joy in your life soon. Your family loves you and needs you...and you need them! We are here for you...

Dan


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#211148 - 03/16/08 09:00 PM Re: losing battle [Re: DanM]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanx, Dan. Right now being exhausted is all i can focus on - so maybe that is what i need to deal with first. part of that "learning to relax" thing... Then maybe being alone won't feel so terminal




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#211195 - 03/17/08 12:26 AM Re: losing battle [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

I was away for the weekend and so didn't see this until now. I don't have a lot to offer that hasn't already been said, but I CAN say that meds helped me a lot back when I was starting out.

Like you, I hated the idea of being medicated or zoned out, but that's not what happened. I had bad depression and I was so dysfunctional there were days I just could not even leave the house. On top of that the feelings I was having were just crushing and overwhelming.

The meds didn't make me feel spaced out. They restored my sense of emotional balance and that allowed me to function again and begin to do the serious work. And meds aren't a lifetime sentence either. I was on a maximum dose of mine and it took 6 months to phase them out, but by December last year I was off them entirely.

Taking meds isn't a sign of failure, Mark, and it doesn't mean we're losing it. It's just asking for the help we need.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#211230 - 03/17/08 09:43 AM Re: losing battle [Re: roadrunner]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
Taking meds isn't a sign of failure, Mark, and it doesn't mean we're losing it. It's just asking for the help we need.

It is said perception is over half the battle.


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