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#210864 - 03/15/08 01:27 PM Do survivors attract other survivors?
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I was just wondering how many people have found that the people we trust as friends were in fact another survivor although we did not know it until we disclosed our own abuse?
I have found many of the people I consider close friends are survivors, Do we attract each others like ourselves?
Is there something to this or is it coincidence?

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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#210868 - 03/15/08 01:57 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I think there is something to this Ricky, I think we sense in others the woundedness that makes us feel safer with them somehow. We gravitate to each ohter because we just somehow in the body language, tone of voice, look on the face/eyes and manner of speech a lack of threat. Just my opinion.


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#210876 - 03/15/08 02:18 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: Freedom49]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Ricky,

I was only aware of one of my friends (not that I had that many) ever having been a survivor. That was when both of us were still in our teens and had both been abused by the same perp. It was a friendship of convenience because we lived next to each other for a year.

Other than that, the only friends I've ever had whom I knew were survivors were those friendships I've established on this site. In my case the reason for that may well be that I was repressing any knowledge or acknowledgment the abuse ever occurred and was therefore not open to knowing whether any of my friends were survivors.

You raise and interesting thought in my mind however. Going back through the people who were my friends over the years, especially when I was younger there are more than one whom I suspect were abused.

Thanks for bringing this one up. Excellent topic.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
Lifes journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting Holy ____! What a ride! ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#210888 - 03/15/08 03:43 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? *DELETED* [Re: WalkingSouth]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#210895 - 03/15/08 05:36 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: awakening]
A C Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/31/05
Posts: 13
Loc: Missouri
That's interesting. Thinking back over the course of my life, I have only known of three of my "male friends" that were molested. And two of which were in with the same situation as me.

All ways seem to me, that this is some things most men would take to their grave.


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#210899 - 03/15/08 05:54 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: A C]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
awakening,

The word "serendipity" comes to mind when I read your post. My T uses that word when I explain how I end up being introduced or meeting people that also are survivors. It is really a freaky feeling. But it is also an awesome experience.

Ken

_________________________
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From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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#210918 - 03/15/08 07:37 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: GateKPR4]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Hi Rick

11 years ago when I first started dealing with my csa history & crashed spectacularly, 4 people I had been working with (out of a group of 12) for 15 yrs made a point of coming up to me and telling me they also had a csa history. They'd never said anything before, but each of them said they'd suspected for a long time that I had a csa history.

I've been a people watcher for a long time, I would never have the nerve to approach anyone to find out for sure, but I found I can tell the ones who struggle with the same inner demons as me by the way they act around others.

I have only 1 friend from before I disclosed & she is a csa survivor, nearly all of the friends I have now (aint that many LOL) have a history of abuse, it's the thing we have connected on to begin with that lead to trust & friendship.

_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#210927 - 03/15/08 09:09 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: arronb]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Maybe it is higher for me because of the nature of my abuse. The cult made me even more aware of other people, growing up on an alcoholic home, sexual abuse. I may be hyper sensitive to body language and don't even realize I'm doing it because I have been doing it for so long. Like having a sixth finger after a while its just natural to have it. \:\)

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m__m__
|| || || || || || |

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#210929 - 03/15/08 09:39 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? *DELETED* [Re: GateKPR4]
awakening Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening


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#210951 - 03/15/08 11:32 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: awakening]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
I can really relate to this post. Ricky thanks for starting it.

Let me go back 32 years, to 1976, sofmore year in high school. I had this english class. I sat in the front row and across from me there was this other guy.

He brought a National Geographic from the 1920's to class. I saw it and asked if I could see it. I looked at it and he said I could borrow it for a day or two.

Overtime we started to get to know each other. We just clicked for some reason. We started going over each others house to hang out, have dinner and just be around.

We were inceperable at school. We got picked on by the same guys. We were our only best friends. We did movies after school and for a couple of summers he went camping and other outings with my family. We did come college together right after high school.

Our friendship began to fade. He was hanging out with others that made me uncomfortable so we lost touch for a time.

maybe a year or 2 later we connected somehow. We started to rebuild our relationship. I was the best man at his wedding and he and his wife and I started hanging out together doing stuff, going on trips together...

One day we were out and about, the three of us. My friend went to the bathroom and his wife told me that he had someting to tell me for a long time but was afraid to tell me because it would cost him our friendship.

my friend sat down and asked his wife to leave us alone for a while. She left and he confided with me about the abuse he suffered and was ashemed to tell me about it. I told him that I already knew. He didn't have to tell me, his wife didn't either. I knew inside of me for a long time but just couldn't verbalive it until then.

We talked and I told him that it wouldn't hurt our friendship, it would only make it stronger. This happened in 1996. Jump to 2003 when I had my flashback that brought back memories or sexual abuse from my past that I had hidden for so long and didn't remember until that day. I went over to my friends house and disclosed to him about my abuse. Our abuse(s) were unrelated to each other.

At that moment we both realized that there was a divine purpose for our friendship. He has helped me so much and I have him. It seems so sad that we were both in the midst of the abouse at the same time. We clung to a friendship all those years and didn't know why

To this day we talk on the phone at least twice a day. We hung out today and we talked about how we come to know each other and how much our friendship means to each other. He kept me alive during those dark days and I kept him alive.

Before we get off the phone we say "I love you" and we truly mean it.

Healing_Inside

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#210952 - 03/15/08 11:45 PM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: awakening]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
I disclosed to a friend last November. I knew he was one of the persons I wanted to tell, because I figured it would explain a lot about me, and my behaviors over the years.. I sort of forced out what I had to say, and he said he expected something like that had happened. Turns out something happened to him as well.


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#210998 - 03/16/08 07:45 AM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: ericc]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thank you all for sharing your experiences with this. Its been wonderful reading all the stories. At least I'm not imagining this.
You guys have been a great help validating my experience with this subject.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m__m__
|| || || || || || |

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#211003 - 03/16/08 07:58 AM Re: Do survivors attract other survivors? [Re: GateKPR4]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
every now and then i get this feeling from some people who i interreact with----------i have disclosed to one or 2-------------and i get the come back---------------------they were abused-or know a family member who was-----------------------kinda like a instance bond at that moment---------------------------steve


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