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#210373 - 03/12/08 09:18 PM Back here again, but more experienced.
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1898
Loc: durham, north england
Again I stand where I've stood before,
Again I look out from this twilit sure,

Here the sand is partly sunlit, partly shaded,
coldly striated into bands of shade and brilliance.

Here the wind first blows and dies,
roars and sighs,
Tearing uncertain skies
with fierce gentleness.

Again I stand, benieth the setting sun,
Again I look on a task that must be done,

Here the sea can ebb and rise,
Softly emphasize
it's shifting imperminance.

Here the clouds can close and change,
formless and strange,
As they rearrange
the patterns of radience.

Again I see the tiny boat,
Again it waits, sterdy and afloat,

To carry me across the sea,
uncertain and free,
Off to see
what lies in the far distance.

And yet I've sailed before,
Out from this shore,
alone and insicure,
and Nothing but a straw
tossed in the oceans turbulence.

Again I know the mountains stand behind,
again I think that through them I once climbed.

there peaks stood in the starless night,
rocks bite,
Ringing to the spite
of echoing darkness.

Yet I journeyed passed,
bitten by frost,
storm tossed,
and at the last
reached this beach's comparative peacefulness.

And yet this time things are not the same,
Yet this time I'm more certain of the way.

I've seen the isles where the sun always glows,
Warm hallows,
where forever grows
the flowers of everlasting sweetness.

and I know the shifting seas,
Uncertain brees,
protective lees,
Where shal cease
the fury of the elements.

And so I'll set out once again,
and so i'll brave the sunlight and the rain,

for I'm a far better mariner now than before,
skillful and sure,
and so no more
do I need to trust to unfeeling chance.

and I've equipment I have found,
ready to hand,
so I stand,
with careful plans born of eight years more experience.


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#210462 - 03/13/08 08:15 AM Re: Back here again, but more experienced. [Re: dark empathy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
DE,

I really like this and the way you use the image of a sea voyage. Have you ever read Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner"? If not I bet you would like it.

You caught my eye so many places, but especially here:

Quote:
and I know the shifting seas,
Uncertain brees,
protective lees,
Where shal cease
the fury of the elements.


That's something I have found to be true as well. I can look back on earlier experiences in my recovery and see all of them as contributing to the strength and confidence I have now. Even sad and negative experiences helped me, simply because I got through them. I wasn't beaten.

I think that's something we all need to realize - that so long as we are determined and willing to carry on, we can't be beaten. We aren't those devastated, isolated and silenced boys anymore. The only way we can lose is to throw it all away.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#210474 - 03/13/08 09:22 AM Re: Back here again, but more experienced. [Re: roadrunner]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1898
Loc: durham, north england
Hi Larry.

I have heard Coleridge's poem, ----- even as part of a dramatic reading of victorian poetry I went to at the Gilbert and sullivan festival, ---- sinse gilbert wrote a highly amusing take on the rhyme of the ancient mariner as part of his Bab ballads. It's probably something I'd enjoy reading again though, and I bet I can find a copy knocking about on the net somewhere.

This one was prompted by my realizing that I was behaving and feeling a lot of the things I felt back when I was 17/18, and was trying to first come to terms with my abuse, which ended when I was 16.

I was tempted to feel that despite an extra eight years, i hadn't got anywhere at all, but then I realized I had, sinse now I was more experienced, and knew myself, life and others much better.


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#210567 - 03/13/08 09:16 PM Re: Back here again, but more experienced. [Re: dark empathy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
DE,

Yep, it will be dead easy to get "Rime" off the net. I was reintroduced to it a few years ago when my daughter had to read it for her A levels in high school ... "Dad!!!! Help!!!"

I don't think you should give yourself a hard time in any way for what may look like a lack of progress over the past 8 years. It's just not true that at 18 we become better able to deal with our lives as adults; in fact, survivors are often still very vulnerable long after the age of 18, as the experiences of so many guys here (including myself) will prove.

The important thing is what are we doing NOW? It looks to me like you are focusing and doing the hard work, and you should be proud of that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


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