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#193525 - 12/03/07 01:17 AM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: buzz_key]
merch Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 3
Your signals, "don't mess with my beliefs-I'm angry with God, I want to trust, but am looking for the shoe to drop" got through to me...From time to time I still get mad as hell at God; all wise, all knowing, all compassionate, all omni-present, for not being there, abandoning my human need for protection and safety in the face of obvious hell, CSA...Anymore I just don't know about God's role in all this trouble.

All I've figured that has helped is my coming to terms with CSA in human terms. God wasn't there, so be it. That I came to have so little trust in myself and misplaced much mistrust on others was only my longer term undoing, as in "he's come undone, he didn't know what he was headed for"... Ultimately I came to discover that my opening into forgiveness, healing and the restoration of trust in myself was to be on my watch, my choice, my human healing terms. If that meant God was going to hear it, my human and holy anger, so be it.

I know from dealing with CSA, it's too easy to lose heart. I believe the reclamation and restoration of our human hearts and condition is up to us...A few years back in dreamtime I was in a prison cell, behind old heavy bars. I went over to the door to rattle the lock, expecting to be locked in and shut down. To my surprise, when I touched the cell door it opened wide, like a feather with no resistance. I didn't even need a key to get out of my prison, the keys must have been inside all the time.

Buzz, keep looking and feeling, asking questions, challenging authority; I believe this is part of the healing journey and about all of us getting out of the CSA Prison...Merch


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#193640 - 12/03/07 05:49 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: merch]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11046
Loc: Denver, CO
I haven't looked at this thread in a while. I have a hard time accepting the idea of being angry at God. I read in Genesis 18 how God was telling Abraham about His plan to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, and Abraham was very cautious about his approach to God. I read things such as "let not the Lord be angry" as he approached God again and again. He wasn't in God's face, though he was astonished at the thought of God destroying the righteous with the wicked. Abraham remember his place and kept a humble approach to God. And God heard Abraham.

To me, if anyone has a right to be angry, it is God Himself. He sees all of man committing a billion sins per day. I can barely tolerate three offensive moments in the day.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#193656 - 12/03/07 07:31 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: FormerTexan]
merch Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 3
FT,

I am becoming trustful of a new emotional fact, that my periodic, yet abating anger is probably barely a ripple in the pool that God may be sitting next to. Maybe God in understanding and compassion simply knows and accepts this part, my anger, as part of my healing process. I'm not living for staying stuck in this anger, there is more to my life fabric than that and I hold to this in faith and trust.

I have remarked quietly for many years, decades now, that God must be crying a river of tears from witnessing all the unnecessary, un-needed human sorrow and suffering that goes on here day by day. Along with all the tears, God has to be thinking, "wake up, heal you hearts".

I hear your sensitivity to human offense. The hope out of my heart is that I have not offended your spiritual sensibilities in opening up about these matters.

Merch


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#193659 - 12/03/07 07:57 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: merch]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11046
Loc: Denver, CO
Merch,

Not at all. The subject just happened to come up yesterday with a preacher. Then I remembered this thread and wanted to throw some other perspective on it. You have not offended me.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#193683 - 12/03/07 11:18 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: FormerTexan]
MusicMan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/23/03
Posts: 144
Loc: Elmira, NY
Thanks guys for adding to this thread. I always need to hear things that apply to my relationship with God.

Anger at God...Hmm...interesting thoughts. I definitely act under the fear of God instead of anger. Yet, I'm just as human as everyone else and do stupid things that I should not be doing anyway. I would like to act more out of my love of God instead of fear.

merch, if you're angry with God and it gets you or keeps you talking with Him, then at least you're communicating with Him. It's a good start. I will try to remember to pray for you.

FT, I think your words are those of encouragement. Thanks.

God bless, men,
John, The Music Man.


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#193685 - 12/03/07 11:22 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: merch]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: merch
Maybe God in understanding and compassion simply knows and accepts this part, my anger, as part of my healing process. I'm not living for staying stuck in this anger, there is more to my life fabric than that and I hold to this in faith and trust.

Wow, that one hit me. That's the way I've always understood this issue but have not been able to put it into words.

Thanks, Merch.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#193780 - 12/04/07 04:04 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Buzz raised a question that hits me really hard, but for a long time I wasn't able to understand exactly why. I don't think I am angry with God; that's not something that troubles me, at least. Cut off from God, yes; but that's something else.

It occurred to me this evening that I wish I could be angry with God, because then there would be something to resolve, something to work towards. At the moment I think Little Larry and Young Adult Larry just plain dread God. They fear that Adult Larry's quest to reconnect with God will somehow lead back to the things that destroyed them years ago, and .... then what?

Adult Larry is impatient about this because he knows none of this makes any sense, but there we have it. Dread usually is irrational, isn't it? It's there, but like smoke. You choke on it but there's nothing to grab.

Somehow anger feels more "sensible", easier to talk about and understand. So in a way I would welcome that. It would feel a lot safer than this "yes it's here/no it isn't" confusion, where the only things concrete are the memories of how you can be terrorized, raped and beaten anywhere, at any time, and how the evil of one person can hijack and contaminate even a child's innocent naive spirituality.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#195572 - 12/16/07 06:03 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: EGL]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
in 1977 my wife and I had premature twins, a boy and a girl, our third pregnancy. I had never considered the gender of my children, the joy of the child was enough. On the third day I was working on their cradles when it struck me that I, along with having three girls, was going to have a boy, a male that I would be able to relate to without all the trash of other male relationships I'd had (Children only expect to be nurtured) All of a sudden, I felt this ecstacy thinking, "My God I'm having a son."
I felt as if I were floating. While I was in this state of ecstacy, the phone rang and it was the Doctor at the hospital telling me that my son had "expired". Wasn't being f___as a little boy enough? You think I wasn't pissed at God?
I had taken a short term class the summer before on death and dying (how ironic?) and I decided to dig my sons grave to take a solid part and make sure I experienced his departure.
I picked an old cemetary on a hill in Kentucky and began digging, I took a break and while I was resting I looked up and screamed at God, "how could you be so cruel, you wait until I am that high and then pull the rug out from under me?" "what kind of a loving God are you?" As I was crying I had a sense that there was a presence crying with me and I heard a voice that seemed to be simultaneously in and out of my head; "I wish you could see how this fits into the overall scheme of things but, for now, you can't" The feeling of peace that overcame me is indescribable and even though I wept at the loss of a future with my son, I had the sense that everything would be OK. I don't evangelize
but I do believe in all of this making sense some day without judgement of how angry we were. God's tough and not easily hurt.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#210324 - 03/12/08 04:33 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: EGL]
JT's the Man Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/21/08
Posts: 41
YES TO THE POSTER>..

think of God as a friend.

it is okay to be angry at a friend!!!


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#210330 - 03/12/08 04:51 PM Re: can i love God, but be angry at Him too? [Re: JT's the Man]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
I too am at times angry with God. I consider myself a Christian even though I have not really studied the Bible. Read it yes, but not to the point of feeling I know most of what is said there. I can only focus on my feelings toward God and how he has worked in my life. And I feel he has worked wonders with this terrible person that I was and still am.

Yea, I get angry that God has let me go through so much of the bad that has happened in my life. I know he does not cause these things to happen, he just lets them happen because of the sinful world that we live in.

I know that I want to do things my way when I want to do them. And then when I screw my life up, then I seem to ask God to take over and straighten out what I screwed up all by myself. And you know, for me, he just steps in and does that for me. He always seems to be there for me and helps me, even though my first impulse on life is to do it my way when I want to do it.

So my anger sometimes is if he know best and I know God does, then why does he just take ove my life and not let me always screw up, fall down, make mistakes? I feel at times that he should stop forgiving me because I always mess up. I feel like this little kid who is just mad at everything. Why does he let me not use common sense and just do such stupid things?

So, yea, I get angry with God. I just am so glad and releived that he does not hold this against me or any one else. He Loves Me, Boy it I could just love back a fraction of how much he loved me, I would be a good man.

Thanks for letting me ramble on.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

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