This is my little mock up essay I have been sending around trying to find a voice for myself, not much luck with that though =/

I'll update it a bit and say it's been months since I have seen "him" and honestly I hope he isn't around anymore if ya catch my drift. The biggest thing I am feeling these days (it's approaching a year since) is that I realize that I have CHANGED, and I can't be who I was, and that pisses me off. I have even found myself trying to reconnect to the 'old me' by looking up old friends, watching 80's movies and still, underneath I continue to live as a person in fear and shame, not for myself but for what my body went through, some days I wish I could just rip it off and trade it in, maybe when botox stops working scientists will invent that process for plastic surgery junkies ;\) well, here goes...

Sexual assault is defined as, “physical contact of a sexual nature in the absence of clear, knowing and voluntary consent. In 2004-2005, there were an average annual 200,780 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. 2,302 of those occurred in North Carolina.” Keeping in mind statistics only reflect reported incidents, it’s safe to say sexual assault is a predominate problem. It is an epidemic that does not discriminate regardless of age, gender, creed or sexual orientation, it affects us all. As a recent victim of sexual assault, I offer my story as a testament to an ongoing war that seems to be missing a vast part of its army, male victims who report.
I encountered my assailant the day before the sexual assault occurred. I was at a nightclub, when an individual approached me and asked to take pictures. I found the request odd, but obliged after having a few close friends join me. Flash forward to the next night, I encounter the assailant again, this time he looked dramatically different in appearance, I found this aspect odd but when the individual offered to buy me two alcoholic beverages, I reluctantly accepted. After consuming the second beverage my memory becomes hazy. I only have what I describe as “flash memories” of what occurred. I was taken away from the club and the actual sexual assault occurred at a different location. The assailant then brought me back to the original location and left me in the parking lot once it was over.
Statistics say only 9% of sexual assault and rape victims are male, I find that hard to believe. I was personally scared to come forward after my assault occurred and I am sure that is a withstanding factor for most victims regardless of their gender. Immediately after my assault I felt violated, ashamed and dirty. As the days progressed I also began to feel attacked on a more personal level. Select members of society made me to feel inadequate, irresponsible and at the deepest level, inhuman. Being male did not exclude me from enduring the accusations of responsibility based on, where I was, what I was wearing and even my use of pre>


Edited by ModTeam (03/12/08 12:49 AM)
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my story @
http://asurvivorvoice.blogspot.com/