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#210012 - 03/11/08 02:27 AM Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-)
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Someone on here told me, in their wisdom, that most sex addiction is usually misdiagnosed "by fundamentalist Christians" and/or made up in the persons head. I disagree.

Any sex addicts (12-steppin' or not) like to chime in on this?

For me, I know I'm a sex addict...have been since 4th or 5th grade. When a kid that age is compulsively touching ALL his friends, it's not just a "stage."

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#210028 - 03/11/08 07:16 AM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: AndyJB2005]
spirit of winter Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 19
Loc: Weaver Alabama
Made up? I don't by that for a minute, and neither should you. Why? There could be many reasons - an acting out for attention of the sort a person was misinformed of by abuse, an acting out for an unconscious call for help, or maybe inside they are lost and are hunting for something on the outside that they are midding on the inside. The reasons are many and each individual from person to person.

My addiction was to porn. So i can't relate feelings with you. But the more i understand and recover from my abuse, the more i recover from my addiction.

Christianity i have a lot of problems with, and take almost everything they say with a grain of salt. Belive in Christ and the Bible - Yes i do. Believe in the teachings of the all mighty church - no i don't. Religion throught he centuries has been a tool of the upper classes in control of the population, and a lot of that "control" teaching has been carried throught eh centuries to our time. So don't believe everything the christians say, they are like us abused in that they have recieved a lot of misconception, misinterpretation, lies, and preaching is subject to the preachers own beliefs. An d i apologize to any christians who may take offense, but my point in short is - don't take everyone elses word for it; read, study, and find the truth for yourself.

Regardless of past action, you are a good person - man, and i wish you the best on your journey.

_________________________
I want to be me. I want to be whole. I want to be the loving person me and my wife and family deserve. Mostly I want to feel like I deserve to live without fear of people, of who I am, of intimacy, and without fear of a past I can’t change.

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#210029 - 03/11/08 08:18 AM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: spirit of winter]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I have to agree with SoW. My addiction was also to porn, anonymous sex, and I was fixated on it as a way of coping and dealing with stress. There were other factors too. I appreciate their opinion but the subject is much more complicated and my local churchs I have noticed are starting to accept that and offer programs to reach out and help. Two of whicn I am currently involved with.


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#210040 - 03/11/08 09:34 AM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: Freedom49]
johnnymike Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Central Ohio
I remember being very precocious as a child. I did not have sex with a peer until I was 15 and the thought in my head was that I had missed some good years. Later as an adult I became an out of control sex addict. I had much anonymous sex. Bookstores, parks and male prostitues along with friends and others. I also became addicted to phone chat lines. My addiction was causing issues both for my health and finances. Luckily I remained disease free but with my behaviors that is amazing.

Yes sexual addiciton exists. I was at the point where I was beginning to worry about what it was going to take to find those greater sexual thrills. Another strange component of my addiction is that during my adult abuse and hating my abuser I began to ask others to do the things he did or threatened. My mind twisted in odd ways.


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#210151 - 03/11/08 06:14 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: johnnymike]
JT's the Man Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/21/08
Posts: 41
I am a sex addict.

It is so so strong and I am finally trying to overcome it.
Any prayers for victims of this affliction are appreciated.

JT


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#210166 - 03/11/08 07:11 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: AndyJB2005]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Originally Posted By: AndyJB2005
Someone on here told me, in their wisdom, that most sex addiction is usually misdiagnosed "by fundamentalist Christians" and/or made up in the persons head.


That's so strange as to be laughable. Try telling that to Elliott Spitzer's wife today.

_________________________
Eddie

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#210171 - 03/11/08 08:05 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: EGL]
MagRaith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT
I remember something Roger said in a post some time back that smacked me over the head because it was exactly my experience. My Dad told me outright that the only thing I was good for was sex. When you are 4 years old and start hearing that up through your teen years you believe it. You believe that the only way you will identify with another human being is through sex. And so sex becomes your obsession as you try to connect. Of course, it doesn't work, but you don't know that, you just keep trying and trying at every opportunity. I would call this sex addiction, and it is definitely NOT something I made up in my head. I was taught that by a man who was a leader in the religious community, who hid behind his religion. How can anyone who has suffered CSA not be obsessed with sex, whether too much of it or too little.

Kurt


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#210177 - 03/11/08 09:02 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: MagRaith]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
There is no way that I believe sex addiction is a made up condition. I agree with all that others have said. It is a very destructive conditon. Keith


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#210194 - 03/11/08 11:21 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: KeithR]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1970
I know my CSA put me in a bad spot in regards to sex. I think it pretty much screwed things up for me. Not sure what to make of my sexual experiences afterwards, other than some were destructive and some were maybe better. But I was messed up at that point. I have a lot of sexual thoughts, but unable to form any healthy sexual relations for a long time. Not even sure how, so I am just trying to take care of myself and see where things lead.


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#210272 - 03/12/08 11:56 AM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: AndyJB2005]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Originally Posted By: AndyJB2005
Someone on here told me, in their wisdom, that most sex addiction is usually misdiagnosed "by fundamentalist Christians" and/or made up in the persons head. I disagree.


I disagree too. Can't say how ridiculous that sounds - I always thought it was a ruse perpetuated by a secret society lead by the federal reserves of the member nations of the UN security council. Fundamentalist christians aren't secret, so it can't be them! On the other hand, denial is very powerful, so I could be wrong.

Mike

P.S. Just ordered some of those cool sunglasses on ebay. Those, along with my tinfoil hat, should protect me from misdiagnoses.


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#210294 - 03/12/08 01:29 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: mike5]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
LOL You ordered them! Sweet! Your entry into the secret society is nearly complete! Mwuahahaha!

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#210297 - 03/12/08 02:00 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: AndyJB2005]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Now, Andy... Better put the Star Wars DVDs away for a while I think... yes... LOL. Crossing over to the dark side you are ... yes.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#210299 - 03/12/08 02:07 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: LandOfShadow]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Yeah, addiction has to be real. I've got thoughts bouncing around in my head that I just can't stop. Sometimes they are easy to push away, and sometimes I feel like it's an all out invasion and I can do nothing to stop it. Then there are times I can't stop myself from MB along with those thoughts. It's like my body takes control while I'm trying to fight against myself. Flat out sucks. Guess it's addiction? It's usually somehow related to being used and what not. Sucks. Hate it. Haven't figured out how to send it packing yet.

So whoever it was that said it's just a conspiracy or anything along those lines just hasn't got a foggy clue.



Edited by JustScott (03/12/08 02:07 PM)

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#210339 - 03/12/08 06:27 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: JustScott]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Originally Posted By: JustScott
So whoever it was that said it's just a conspiracy or anything along those lines just hasn't got a foggy clue.


Thank you!

This person also told me there's no such thing as illegal sex. LOL OK thennnn...

But to his credit, I heard he's 16, so I'll give him some leeway. I had no idea he was that age until after -- or I would've never even kept talking about that subject.

We need IDs here...argh. I told some of my addictive history...but never would've had I known.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#210355 - 03/12/08 08:31 PM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: mike5]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
Sigh...

I wish this were some sort of pseudosyndrom or something. I know that some mental health professionals don't really like the phrase "sexual addiction" and there are camps of disagreement in the profession, unfortunately. I am not going to argue with these folks. I know what my experience is and how I have gotten sober from sex addiction and how I am helping others recover from sex addiction.

I have been in recovery from sex addiction for over ten years. My journey to healing, took me to inpatient rehab in the desert of Arizona for 5 weeks, many hours of outpatient psychotherapy and thousands of 12-step meetings. All of this was following a near suicide attempt because I could not stop acting out sexually. What I learned through this process, and what ultimately led me to seek support from resources like this website is the fact that my sexual addiction was tangled up with early childhood sexual abuse, which set the stage for years of sexual acting out.

Read Patrick Carnes book Don't Call It Love... and a few of his other books. Check out http://www.sexhelp.com

There is now a Certification for therapists CSAT (Certified Sex Addition Therapist) that offers specific evidence-based training for the treatment of sexual addiction. IITAP.com can help you find a certified professional and tell you a little more about it.











Edited by River (03/12/08 08:33 PM)
_________________________
GD

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#210489 - 03/13/08 11:31 AM Re: Sex Addicts: Please Read. Thanks! :-) [Re: JustScott]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Originally Posted By: JustScott
So whoever it was that said it's just a conspiracy or anything along those lines just hasn't got a foggy clue.


Some things are very hard to understand without direct experience. If I were the sort who could pick up a drink at dinner and drink half of it and then go home, I might never be able to understand that some people who are alcoholic would walk by the table after I'd left, see the half empty drink, be shocked at the waste, drink it down and wake up two weeks later a thousand miles away with one shoe and no idea of what had happened. That alcohol doesn't affect some people that way doesn't mean alcoholism doesn't exist.

Now, my drinking never got that bad, but I get it. Same with sexual addiction. The person who sees everyone around them looking at pornography occasionally may never get it that some people look at porn and then come to 12 hours later wondering where the day went... again. I really get that.

I heard a story on the radio years ago that I've always remembered. The speaker was talking about fiscal responsibility and a caller asked "why doesn't everyone practice fiscal responsibility?" The answer was "for the same reason that people don't jog every morning until after their first heart attack."

Same deal with addictions - try to tell someone who's young and invincible that what they are doing now may someday turn and kill them and they just don't get it. It is human nature to keep doing what ever we are doing until the consequences are bad enough to change. If the consequences aren't bad, why change? That is why part of the step one of the 12 steps involves the idea of "raising the bottom." I behaved in just plain crazy insane ways and was convinced there was no problem - "I'd know if there was a problem with my mind."

The books "Out of the Shadows" and "Don't Call It Love" are excellent. I've also found it very helpful to read "Alcoholics Anonymous" (the Big Book), which is not specifically about sexual addiction, but deals with sex a lot.

Mike


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