I hadn't seen sliding wood doors like that before. I wasn't bothered that he closed them even tho that was the only way out of the room. I was rather facinated by them. Anyway, he was cuddling with me and giving me attention like I didn't get at home. His big body felt so warm and comfortable around mine. I was 2 1/2. He was over 40. Hey, What's that pushing against me? He is trying to push something inside me! NO, it hurts! He stopped pushing, but I don't know what is happening and I'm trapped. There is no way out with him on top of me like that. Now what's he doing? Why are you trying to stick it in my mouth? Let me up! What's that you are squirting on me? Your making me dirty! Get it off of me! Get off of me! I can't get out! I can't get those doors open. I can't get out until he lets me out. Get me out of here!! But there was no way out until he had his pants closed up and let me out.
I was 4 or 5. She was a year older. We didn't get to play together very often because her farm was a few miles from ours. I needed to urinate and headed to their out house. She came too. I used one hole, she used the other. I didn't look and didn't want her to look at me. When we were finished she blocked the door. 'Show me what you look like and I will show you what I look like' she said. 'No, let me out.' 'Not until you show me what u look like' she said. 'I want to see' she said as she lowered her pants in front of me. 'Now you have to show me' she said. 'No, let me out'. She started crying ' I am going to tell your mother you have been bad'. Trapped again with no way out!!
For most kids that probably would have been innocent exploration. I wasn't innocent and I never had any choices in that. I thought women were safe. I couldn't trust men but women were safe. Yeah, until the babysitter got thru with me a year earlier. Women were just as bad as men. Another time when there was no way out.
WoR Alumni - Hope Springs, Oct 23-25, 2009