Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Daniel McKinney (35), Framery (44), JohanDoug (70), ltlkty (55)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 24 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63179 Topics
441783 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#209274 - 03/07/08 07:15 AM Where to get help
spirit of winter Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 19
Loc: Weaver Alabama
I am a survivor of both childhood abuse by a man and women abuse as a teen. i know i can't do it all on my own, and a s supportive as my wife has been (also a survivor), there is a lot she can't and will never understand about my situations. i have no friends and haven't had any for over 10 years and before that they were sparse and few inbetween. anyway i know i need help/guidance books can only take you so far. my current counselor doesn't understand anything about survivors and in three visits he has yet to take time to hear my concerns and areas I want/need to work on and/or understand better. his focus is on Now. He has no interest in the past, yet this is so strong an area for me - how can you be a counselor and not see the whole person?
To make this short and get to my point. I live in Alabama close to Anniston/Oxford. does anyone know a good, experienced counselor or psycologist (seen psychiatrists too but i have absolutely no faith in any of them now) in the area or within 80 miles. currently i am driving to gadsden, about 30 minutes, to get no help.
any and all help or advice is immensely appreciated.
and for anyone listening, this forum has helped me undersand a lot more about us surviviors and left me not feeling as alone or different. so for everyone who has posted thoughts and such thanks.

_________________________
I want to be me. I want to be whole. I want to be the loving person me and my wife and family deserve. Mostly I want to feel like I deserve to live without fear of people, of who I am, of intimacy, and without fear of a past I canít change.

Top
#209283 - 03/07/08 10:01 AM Re: Where to get help [Re: spirit of winter]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Hi it is never easy to find good help. You can check this link from the home page and see about what T is around you.

Find a T

Also we are starting a new Healing Circle next week which you can join.

New Healing Circle

The HC are a good source to get help from fellow survivor.

Tom





_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#209327 - 03/07/08 01:44 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: Muldoon]
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hi Spirit,

I see that you're between Birmingham and Atlanta. Are you willing to travel if we can find you a good therapist in either town? Let me know and I'll put the word out for you.

Taz


Top
#209357 - 03/07/08 06:07 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: spirit of winter]
frost Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
spirit of winter,

just wanted to first congratulate you on the courage to make your first post \:\) We can only have a first post once, so, it's worth celebrating~~

I can't help you find a counselor in your area, but I can recommend something that REALLY helped me find a good therapist... it also helped explain what was missing with my old therapist.

Have a look at: A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping by Ken Singer.

I'd also like to echo what awakening said in that - this site is a great resource. I'm in an area where resources like groups and such are few and far between. The Healing Circles tom are referring to are excellent as well.

Actually, I wrote a lengthy article about the resources offered by this site. It's in the 2nd newsletter published in February 08. Take a peek at it, its the first person story by Brian V.

Wishing you all the best in your hunt for a new therapist and hope you find it as rewarding as I have.

~Brian

P.S. If you're up for travelling I'd take Taz up on his offer. He's an inspirational guy who i've had the honour of meeting. I suspect he'd dig up someone very qualified \:\)

_________________________
Boom!

Top
#209375 - 03/07/08 07:28 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: frost]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Spirit of Winter,

Ditto... to everything said above. I also would suggest the chat room on this site. I know it can be a bit intimidating, but the best thing to do is come in and just watch how the guys interact. Then when you feel up to it, jump in and ask the questions that are on your mind. I really like chat because it is real time, and you can get some great advice right away. The guys here are more than willing to share some ideas and support.

I would also like to welcome you to MS, it is a great resource and I hope you will come by often. My only hope is you get as much help from being here, as I have.

Great first post, I look forward to hearing more from you.

See you in chat,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

Top
#209376 - 03/07/08 07:37 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: frost]
spirit of winter Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 19
Loc: Weaver Alabama
Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and the offers of help. As far as traveling Iíd like to keep it about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. I'm trying to see if my HMO covers out of state, it doesn't cover much as it is (PhD, Psys, EDD). I have been thinking about one in Birmingham that I found out about today, Trey Hill. As far as credentials, by the time my insurance pays what little they are going to pay, the psychologist fee will be equal to most counselor fees (around $75. They will only pay about $32. I donít know how normal that fee is, but I know psyche guys are charging between 110-160). But I'm scared to try other people, it took a lot to see the one I have now (bad track record), I guess I need to, but its frustrating having to open up over and over again asking for help. So if anyone knows of him or anyone else better qualified/experienced/whatever, please let me know. I've been in and out of counseling most of my life, but I know now that I was in for the wrong reasons (depression, marriage problems, and confusion on many different levels) while denying and repressing the true reasons I needed it. So Taz I guess that answer is too long Ė so around 80 miles.
Any and all help is more than appreciated. Thanks for the advice and I will definitely look into the Healing Circle. Thanks to everyone.

_________________________
I want to be me. I want to be whole. I want to be the loving person me and my wife and family deserve. Mostly I want to feel like I deserve to live without fear of people, of who I am, of intimacy, and without fear of a past I canít change.

Top
#209378 - 03/07/08 07:42 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: spirit of winter]
spirit of winter Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 19
Loc: Weaver Alabama
As an after thought, i have a lot of issues with women and trusting them, so a woman would not be a good choice for me at this point. Thanks again!

_________________________
I want to be me. I want to be whole. I want to be the loving person me and my wife and family deserve. Mostly I want to feel like I deserve to live without fear of people, of who I am, of intimacy, and without fear of a past I canít change.

Top
#209546 - 03/08/08 11:07 AM Re: Where to get help [Re: spirit of winter]
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hi Spirit,

Hang in there! I have contacts in Atlanta who might be able to help out with names for the Birmingham area. I'll contact them today and get back to you as soon as I get a response. In the meantime keep talking to the men here. There's a lot of wisdom here.

Taz


Top
#209573 - 03/08/08 12:29 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: Dale English]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Spirit,

Welcome to the site. As you can already see there's a lot of support and understanding on offer here. If you can do it, posting about things does help. But don't feel frustrated if you find that difficult - lots of guys need time before they have a lot to say. I think I posted maybe 10 times my first month here. \:D

On the T who isn't helping you, I would first try telling him that you are finding his approach frustrating and that you need to talk about the past. If he is still unsupportive then I would dump him, even if you don't have another alternative lined up yet. It's a waste of time and money, not to mention possibly damaging in emotional terms, to stay with a T who doesn't seem to be connecting with you at all.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#209661 - 03/08/08 11:49 PM Re: Where to get help [Re: roadrunner]
spirit of winter Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/08/08
Posts: 19
Loc: Weaver Alabama
I got a good recommendation for him from a trusted friend of my wife. And while I believe he is good at his job, and personality wise I like and am comfortable with him, I know he cannot help me. His expertise is in drug counseling (where of course a lot of drug users are abused) so he has a limited knowledge of sexual abuse in relation to his expert field.

One of my largest problems dealing with anyone is assertiveness, next to fear of course. I am afraid of people or more to the point their motives in dealing with me, what they are thinking about me, why they are laughing at me, and so on. But assertiveness, making myself heard and understood, has always been a problem. Here in print I can force any idea, argue any point but verbally and especially face to face, I clam, up I can not deal with confrontation (which really pisses my wife off in a fight). But one of the things about my last session really hit me hard. I let him trample on me! We were in a discussion (that I should not have let get started) and he started to make a statement that he thought was a real important. And I am not saying it wasn't nor that I did not learn something. However I was trying to convey what I felt, what my feelings were, not some idea or lesson, and he shut me up "this is important just listen." And I clammed up, locked down, withdrew whatever you want to call it. And I am slow in dealing with people, it often takes me a while to process information I receive from other people through action, verbal, or body language (another withdrawn from life problem). So it was later that night it hit me and the next day before I actually understood what I had let happen. And the next day is a little late to say that it is my 75 dollars and my feelings that are what is important, that my being heard and understood is what is important. That my being listened to and having those feeling and thoughts validated, even if they are negative, is what is important. And do I really want to spend the money to go back and say that? For me, the trust has been breached and I need to move on. I feel that is right, maybe I am wrong, I really don't know.

An that isn't the only thing that bothers me about him. I knew he was a "in the now" man. But I never thought about it when he asked what had happened since our last session. Me and my wife had a difficult situation to get through, I took all the blame upon myself. Agreed it was wrong, irrational, whatever. But I caused me a great backslide that took almost a week to climb back from (now first let me say that my wife did not cause this, it wasn't her fault, I did take responsibility for her feelings and thoughts, I did the damage myself). Well I went with an objective, things I needed and still need to talk through. Again I let him trample on me. "This is the stuff I want to concentrate on." That is all fine and dandy when its your 75 dollars. Again it was later that evening before I understood how I was led away from what I needed to talk about.

And so for the past two weeks I have shut down. Emotionally and mentally. What woke me up was realizing somehow that I was back into addictive behaviors. I like model trains, no problem there. But I had started obsessing with it, every thought, every minute, every move I wanted to look, see and read train stuff. And that has been my life till now, find something and completely absorb into it, to the exclusion of everything else. Two days later my first post here.

So I think I am best to move on and hope for better things from someone with more experience in this area, who can look at the whole person and not just the present person.

And once again I apologize for the length, since January I have about 300 pages of computer journal entries and 2 composite note books full. it's the only way I can get my real thoughts and feelings out, so when I start I just let it all pour out. So sorry again and any and all advice is taken into consideration, and all help is welcome. Thanks.

_________________________
I want to be me. I want to be whole. I want to be the loving person me and my wife and family deserve. Mostly I want to feel like I deserve to live without fear of people, of who I am, of intimacy, and without fear of a past I canít change.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.