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#209855 - 03/10/08 02:01 AM Re: now he says he lied about not remembering wedd [Re: Freedom49]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Cool, Roger. I often do think of him as a child and the choice thing is how I got him to get therapy the first time....I told him he can either do it now or wait till the first of the year...go w/ me or alone....he chose after the first of the yr alone. You are right, it works.

Oh my gosh I will watch the Dog Whisperer!!! I have seen documentary on Horse Whisperer and I think it must be similar. I cannot wait to rent it - tomorrow if I can.

It is so funny b/c the choice thing works like magic w/ our 5 yr old also.....! It never fails. "Do you want carrots or peas with your dinner?" (Really she wants neither, but she'll always choose one!) Funny.

You are great, I appreciate your thoughts!!!!!!

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#209885 - 03/10/08 10:18 AM Re: now he says he lied about not remembering wedd [Re: Freedom49]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
He may or may not be a kid in his mind because of his CSA, but he is still an adult to the "outside" world and in turn he must be treated as such, I feel. I think treating him with kid gloves would just enable the manipulation more -- which is what I feel it is when he takes the "well, if it's a dealbreaker, I guess that's what you want, it's your decision" stance. Can anyone say passing the buck??

Stand your ground and don't play his silly mind games.

Just because we're CSA's doesn't mean we're not responsible for our thoughts and actions. I hope you guys work it out and everything is happy. \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#209922 - 03/10/08 05:00 PM Re: now he says he lied about not remembering wedd [Re: AndyJB2005]
Lou Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/10/07
Posts: 100
Originally Posted By: AndyJB2005
He may or may not be a kid in his mind because of his CSA, but he is still an adult to the "outside" world and in turn he must be treated as such, I feel. I think treating him with kid gloves would just enable the manipulation more -- which is what I feel it is when he takes the "well, if it's a dealbreaker, I guess that's what you want, it's your decision" stance. Can anyone say passing the buck??

Stand your ground and don't play his silly mind games.

Just because we're CSA's doesn't mean we're not responsible for our thoughts and actions.


Right on....and not just CSA's, but all adults, no matter what our childhoods for that matter.

As someone who was raised in an alcoholic home, it is also not ok for me to continue to enable others and then act as though I am the victim.....hard to do.....but hopefully learning each and every day!

Best wishes to you brokenhearted.

Lou


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#209971 - 03/10/08 10:44 PM Re: now he says he lied about not remembering wedd [Re: Lou]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Y'all are right on.

"Stand your ground and don't play his silly mind games." <<<< I intend to do just that. \:\)

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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