Larry - knowing your story as I do, it sounds like you were triggered by him being an official of the church, much like the deacon was an official of your church. I could imagine it felt dangerous being in that situation because here you were with a church official and "that" (the SA) was in the room as well, even though it was there as an intangible object, being your conversation. I could be totally off the wall (as I often am), but that's my take.

Love you, man,
Eddie

Eddie,

You may well be right. In a kind of silly way it was like the robot in "Lost in Space" buzzing around waving its arms and droning "Danger! Danger!" Not anything specific, just danger. And this despite the fact that I liked the guy.

Much love,
Larry

Larry,

You describe that so well, it's comical but yet it rings so true, which also makes it sobering. We learned as a kid that such and such was very unsafe. We built our life around that fact. Our little guy's still don't understand that they are now safe and like the robot just keep warning us that danger is imminent. They throw all the emotion and anger they've kept in reserve into their warning and actually flood our system with adrenalin urging us into "fight or flight".

Your reaction was completely understandable given the situation.

Lots of love,

John

Larry,

Just so you know, I'm hear praying for you and your family. I can't say much more about your post...but I've read it all. It causes me much fear and anxiety...can't say much more.

Lsrry:

Just a reminder that I am praying for you this weekend.



Peter

Thinking of you this sunday Larry, I may sneak out the back my self. Easter was mom's favorite service.

I've got my arms around you and your family over the weekend, Larry. You've got all the support we can muster. Hope you're feeling it.

Lots of love,

John

Thanks so much - all this means the world to me. I can't say how I am doing - pretty well so far, all things considered. I had a session with my "American T" Sharon and that was a good thing; we talked about Little Larry's continuing feelings about churches and I was finally able to say that he's terrified of God.

I do want to see all this as the evil of one person, because that's exactly what it is. That's perfectly clear to me, but I also understand that knowing it and believing it are two very different things. Part of me still sees the abuser as almost magical in his power. I remember sitting at the dinner table as a boy and thinking that if he wanted to, the abuser could walk into my house right now and drag me away by my ankle (he did that once, moving me to a "better spot"); I would be unable to utter a sound and no one would even see it happening.

So a lot of memories and a lot of old images whirling around. Little Larry wants us to work on recovery without giving God the chance to throw us under the bus again; Big Larry thinks he's a spiritual person and wants to say "Trust me; that won't happen and that's not the way it was back then anyway." The fear of a child is an awesome thing.

Much love,
Larry

Larry,

Have I told you lately what a brave man you are? Both you and little Larry are among the bravest guys I have ever known.

Love you, big bro,
Eddie

Hi Larry

A word about this thread & your signature

Reconsecration?

Craig