Don't feel hopeless. If it were truly hopeless, neither of you would be doing anything. Your wife has hurt and betrayal to deal with and she needs to get it out. Unfortunately, your actions were the cause of those feelings so it has to be directed at you. One thing my therapist said to me that I've been thinking about recently is about the difference between reasons and excuses. A reason implies a measure of accountability for actions taken. Yes, you made mistakes, but you had reasons for those mistakes that you are dealing with you can learn, grow and never repeat them. An excuse is just that - a way of saying it wasn't my fault so I don't have to do anything to change. After your attack you became someone else and self-treatment didn't work to change you back to what you were before. You learned from that and learned that how you were acting was not a reflection of who you are. You asked for help. Your wife is still supportive of you and still committed to healing your relationship otherwise she wouldn't be seeing a marriage counselor. It will take some time because healing doesn't happen overnight.
As for your own therapist, I second, third, fourth and fifth what has already been said that she is likely not the properly qualified person to deal with your issues. My current therapist is more of a relationship counselor and doesn't understand much of what I'm going through or dealing with. Unfortunately I don't have the option locally of finding anyone else. I hope you're not in that predicament. If you have the option available to you, find someone more experienced with male sexual trauma. If you can't, don't give up! Keep coming here. Here you are believed and understood.
Take care of you,