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#20910 - 05/11/06 10:07 PM Speaking out
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
This is not at all about me. I just had to write something of this here. I witnessed something so much of bravery a few hours ago, my mind spins and I am overwhelmed of how I feel about this.

A friend of mine (who some here maybe know, as he had posted here some before in the past year) recently retired from competing at high level sport. Being a minor celebrity (at least) in his home city, he was asked to be on a local television show (think of 'Regis and Kelly' meets your local community closed-access television; the idea of one, the production quality of the other), to give his input on the current state of sport, what his future plans are, what athletes to watch for in the next few seasons, etc. As one of the hosts is a former athlete herself, he agreed, and happened to ask what the other segments of the show were about (there are usually 3 segments each show). One of them was to be about child abuse. Pure coincidence.

He had about a week between being asked to do the show and then doing it. My friend, who is still rather new to the 'healing' process, decided that a sports overview was far less importent. And so, chose to continue the previous segment. I am paraphrasing some of this segment, which was possibly mentally prepared, but totally unrehearsed in front of television and live audience:

'What was spoken of just minutes ago, it is far more importence then what I would speak here. It deserves further discussion, and I think it proper that we can discuss some more. Because as so very good it is, the information you gave about child abuse, and how it is so not spoken, and how much damage it is, I think only rightly, it can only be told how much the damage, by one who knows it.

You spoke much about abuse, that it occurs, all ages, all classes of persons. But there was small error. It happens not only to girls, which is what you so much speak of. It happens to boys also. All ages boys, all kinds of boys, and all kinds of abuse.

You do not 'know' that someone is being abused because of who they are, or their family. My father was police officer. Much awarded police officer. He also would come home and beat his family. His wife. His children. All the time. He is dead now. I can say this.

Boys, even as girls are, can also be abused sexually. It is not thought of. It is so much not spoke of, even to girls. But to boys? What stupid, what damaged, what defect kind of boy could allow that to happen? Any boy. Any age. Gay boys. Straight boys. Little, very small children. Teenagers. As I have lived in America in recent years, I hear it, so much now, there is female teachers, who are found to have relations with their students, young boy students, teenage boys students. That is suppose to not be a problem, right? It is teaching the boy about sex, creating a man. No, it is not. That woman, do not create a man. She create a victim.

Abuse happen in all kinds of homes, to all kinds of children. My father, who is dead, by God, he was physical monster, who enjoyed to cause physical harm with abuse. My mother, who is not dead, was as the women teachers. She abused sexually, and yes, it was to a boy, not girl. Was to me.'

(This was followed by short question and answers from the host, who is out of her element, not expecting this interview)

'I can not tell you all the effects of this, what it does to the person, what it does to the soul. But I can tell you. It is not corrected and forgotten in a short time. It is not forgotten ever. Corrected? Maybe. But certain, I am not there yet.

I do not wish to create such uncomfortable feelings, as that was not what I was asked to be here today for. But uncomfortable feelings happen with abuse. Any kind of abuse. Certainly for the survivor of it. And also, to anyone human, true human, who hear or see of it.

It is fact that 1 of 3 girls will be sexually abused before age of adult. And 1 of 6 boys, that is only of boys who report it. Look around you. One third of the women have been abused. How many boys, truly? One fifth? One fourth? It must stop, the damage is to great, and it is not a 'forgive it, move on' issue. If you damage a child in this way, you damage the adult the become.

You protect your children on the street. You protect them, keep them home of school when they are sick. Protect them from a greater danger. One that will harm them even into being an adult. You may save their life. Because there are abuse victims. And there are abuse survivors. One is not always the next.'

I find this amazing. Not only the words, from a normally very quiet and reserved person. Not the fact that it was on television, and before a live audience, opening him up for more scrutiny then I think he could imagine. What amazes me most, it is the first time I have ever first hand, witnessed such a speaking out about personal past. And I am very proud to call this person friend.

Leosha

(By the way, it was okay'ed by the person involved to post this here)

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#20911 - 05/11/06 10:36 PM Re: Speaking out
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Thank you to your friend.

And thank you for posting.

That is such a moving story I'm sure that will make quite an impact.


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#20912 - 05/11/06 10:55 PM Re: Speaking out
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Leosha,

Please tell your friend I am so proud of him, but what he has done doesn't surprise me. He has always been a man of character and courage. He simply had to find it and acknowledge it within himself. This is a huge step for him.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#20913 - 05/11/06 11:08 PM Re: Speaking out
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
*

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#20914 - 05/11/06 11:40 PM Re: Speaking out
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Leosha,

Your friend is a hero. the more we have this topic spoken of publicly the less often it will occur. The perps count of shame and secrecy. We need to take those tools away from them.

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#20915 - 05/12/06 12:47 AM Re: Speaking out
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Leosha,

Thanks for that. It was a great post and I'm proud of him for putting it out there in the open where it should be.

Dale


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#20916 - 05/12/06 02:25 AM Re: Speaking out
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 161
Loc: Mass
leo, you are the best, thanks for reporting your friend spoke out,

Dan


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#20917 - 05/12/06 03:43 AM Re: Speaking out
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Leshka,

Your friend never ceases to amaze me. He is reserved and quiet, but he cannot tolerate injustice...injustice to others more than injustice to himself. It seems circumstances have a way of finding him, almost forcing a response/reaction regarding sexual abuse issues upon him. He is courageous, because even though he doesn't go hunting for opportunities to speak out, he never shys away from trying to use the opportunity to educate others or make right the situation at hand.

He is special. My hope is for him to realize how special he is to us all.

I have told him in the past, and will continue to tell him, he is part of a much bigger plan. Leshka, you know I don't preach, but I don't believe God is anywhere near being finished with using this young man.

Thank you for sharing this with us, and thank your friend for giving you his permission to do so. Ultimately, thank him for sharing and educating the public in his city. Who can tell how many viewers may take some extra time out this evening to talk to their children about sexual abuse and predators, due to his interview?


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#20918 - 05/12/06 05:08 AM Re: Speaking out
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Leosha,

Thank-you so much for posting this. And thank your friend for his permission. He had me in tears at his courage.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#20919 - 05/12/06 05:19 AM Re: Speaking out
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Leosha,

Thank you for posting. Tell your friend thank you too. This brings us courage.

Love ya

Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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