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#208948 - 03/05/08 10:26 AM a bit better now
kgm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 39
Loc: usa
things hve gotten better round here. dh has been wrking on his anger. our boys seem to be calming down 2 all bcause ther dad is calmer. funny how one person sets the mood 4 everyone. i still feel sad that ther dad is unhappy inside though he is starting to think of how other peoples feel to his mean instead of justtaking out mean on everyone. i keep looking for the day when they all like each ohter and get along like fathr's/son's shoud. all any of us can do is keep trying to do right for each other now. thank god for a good conselor & dh digging into his csa & working on it.

kgm


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#208961 - 03/05/08 11:37 AM Re: a bit better now [Re: kgm]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Kgm,
I had a lot of trouble with my boys especially the oldest one. Because of my CSA and the fact it was my dad my boys scared the crap out of me. The frist on I pushed away and would refuse to be close to for fear of temptation to become my father. He took this as rejection of him and his worth and it crushed him. The second I tried not to do that with but still was distant. He was hurt and grew up confused like is older bro and needy but is now doing ok. I just found it very hard to be close to them because it triggered a fear in me and it brought back some ugly feelings. With dh getting help hopefully this will not happen to him between him and his boys. MY fears came out in anger and short temper with them. I hope that is not the case with dh as it will really confuse them and if he over reacts and couples that with emotional withdrawal he will send them the message that they are not worth his love.

you have my thoughts and prayers


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#209132 - 03/06/08 12:50 PM Re: a bit better now [Re: Freedom49]
kgm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/16/06
Posts: 39
Loc: usa
thnks freedom49. it is really hard on ouroldest boy. i think he always saw how his frends had ther dad active in there lives and he didnt. just to toss a ball around and talk to each other dh wan't there. i feel just sad bcause i hold blame 2. its one thing 2 stay with someone when it is just the 2 of us but with kids ther is only 1 chance. i guess ther ain't nothing can be done about that now. at least we are doin something about it to make it all better. i can undrstand how what happened to you made you afraid what might happen 2 your kids in triggering fear. abuse not easy 2 deal with alone, not easy 2 deal with in married life, not easy 2 deal with when ther are kids involved 2. the good thing is, all of us is trying. all of us are here reading, talking, trying. we want it better & know we can get better if we just put words 2 work & change. i want my boys to hav a dad that is full up to see that those boys are the best & no way hooked 2 what we drug with us from past. the boys are rowdy & act like boys. i wish dh could let go and join them. maybe he could find what was took from him if he did just let go that control & hav some fun. if he could share good in himself with them. i pray for that everyday. a lot better here now but way far to go.

kgm


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