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#208011 - 02/29/08 03:08 AM Shock therapy a perp?
OICU812 Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 48
Loc: US
Um I think I've been offline for a long time so to give a quick review.My perp was my brother,I was around 11,12 and he is five years older then me.He went to prison for stealing when he was 18 and I think the prison system might have given him shock therapy (Just a guess I don't know that).One clue is that he went to a prison designed for the mentally ill so the state I live in must have found something "odd" about him.

I bring this topic up,because my brother seems to have changed completely.He denies the abuse but over all he seems "fixed" he doesn't have any anger or any signs of mental problems like before.He acts much more normal then before he went to prison.The more I interrogate him about the abuse the more he swears up and down he did not touch me.Shock therapy DOES cause memory lost and is legal in my state.My parents also claim that his personality changed a lot when he was in prison too.

Am I looking at the possibilities wrong?Is it possible that my brother was some how shocked out of being a perp?

Or did he grow out of it?Can you grow out of being abusive?Maybe I only see a difference cause I am not a kid anymore,but he stopped abusing me for a while before he went to prison as well.......

IDK...I am making pointless stabs in the dark as to how stuff came from point A to point B.A being my brother was abusive and B being a seemly perfect person.

I am venting...really this has no point,I am sorry


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#208062 - 02/29/08 12:04 PM Re: Shock therapy a perp? [Re: OICU812]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
OICU812,

Your post has a very important point: how does your brother's apparent change of heart affect the relationship between the two of you?

I don't think an abusive adolescent can be "shocked" out of his abusive ways, and unless he admitted in prison that he had abused his little brother, which seems unlikely, I doubt that he would have received any specific treatment.

It looks to me like he is regretting what happened and wishes the whole thing would just go away. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. However he feels about things now, that doesn't change the fact that you were abused, that he did it, and that this has harmed you in important ways. All this needs to be addressed if YOU are to reclaim your life and move forward.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#208065 - 02/29/08 12:23 PM Re: Shock therapy a perp? [Re: roadrunner]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
My dad/abuser also had shock therapy -- twice. He seemingly doesn't remember anything either. But then again, he was crazy to begin with, so it's hard to say.

Larry, I don't know if it's unlikely he brought it up in the place he's in...especially if it's a psychiatric place. I don't know...in any case, the interrogation might've just scared him into lying, if he does remember. It's a huge thing to accept about yourself, especially because he hurt you and here you come in his face about it (not that you shouldn't have done it \:\) ).

Survivors aren't the only scared ones on the planet. He might've brought up a lot more than his abusing, and maybe that brought it up.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#208070 - 02/29/08 01:36 PM Re: Shock therapy a perp? [Re: roadrunner]
OICU812 Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 48
Loc: US
Originally Posted By: roadrunner
OICU812,

Your post has a very important point: how does your brother's apparent change of heart affect the relationship between the two of you?

I don't think an abusive adolescent can be "shocked" out of his abusive ways, and unless he admitted in prison that he had abused his little brother, which seems unlikely, I doubt that he would have received any specific treatment.

It looks to me like he is regretting what happened and wishes the whole thing would just go away. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. However he feels about things now, that doesn't change the fact that you were abused, that he did it, and that this has harmed you in important ways. All this needs to be addressed if YOU are to reclaim your life and move forward.

Much love,
Larry


Hi Larry,I don't know if I'll stay here or leave again,hard topic and this is one that needs to be resolved I just don't know how to.I do need to move on with my life but I just feel dead inside some days,highly depressed.I don't know really if my brother admitting what happened would really do anything anymore.I am beginning to wonder if all these problems are just me.I have nightmares were I can't sleep and a part of me loves my brother.

I have these days were I think NO one believes me because of his sudden personality change.I feel messed up really,I have a lot of problems that would best be in a thread with a trigger warning.

All my parents can do is tell me to be a survivor not a victim but some days I feel like not even living.Maybe not suicidal but really close.I don't wanna stress my parents out anymore,there is nothing they can do and it tears their heart out when I bring up sexual abuse,I can see it.It does not solve anything to life in the past but I can't escape it.I feel lost and helpless,this is going to consume me I fear.




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#208082 - 02/29/08 03:16 PM Re: Shock therapy a perp? [Re: OICU812]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi OICU812,

The question of the effects of shock therapy on your brother is one I suppose I shouldn't be too categorical about, since I am no expert on that. It just sounds very convenient to me that what he forgets is his abuse of you, which as I recall from our past conversations was something that was ongoing and not a matter of one of two incidents.

But even if your brother is a new man, the fact remains that he abused you. I'm not surprised you are tempted from time to time to wonder if this is all just you. I think any teenager who gets such a negative reaction from his parents would be tempted to think that way. I know that desperate feeling: I had it too as a teenager, and I think I would have given anything to make the problem just "go away".

That sounds like what your parents want - you should "get over it". It sounds to me like they are more interested in making sure your brother does not face more time in jail than they are in getting you the help you need. I see the same sort of thing in the way they freak out every time you mention your abuse issues: that's a guilt trip when parents let their abused son know that his appeals for help are stressing them out.

They owe you a lot more, my friend. You say there is nothing they can do, but I disagree. They can get you a therapist to provide you with the help you need, and they can do whatever is necessary for you to feel safe in your own home. When you ask for that help you are not "living in the past", you are trying to cope with the present.

You deserve that help, and you are worth that help. Your parents need to acknowledge that.

I don't blame you, by the way, for loving your brother. That situation is a tough one and comes up a lot among survivors abused within their family. But your love for your brother doesn't mean that your own health and welfare count for nothing. You can get a lot out of therapy, for example, without ever mentioning that the abuser was your brother. If you say that, then yes, as a mandated reporter the therapist would have to report this to the authorities, but so long as you say nothing more specific than "it was a relative", then no action need be taken.

I'm glad you have returned and I hope our community can help you further, but of course what you do is up to you. I'll just say that "moving on" requires that we deal with our issues. You have the opportunity to do that now and reclaim your life at a very young age. I'll just say that this site is full of adult men (including me), who are here because they did not have that opportunity. There's no solution in pretending the problem doesn't exist, which is what your parents want you to do.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. It's a difficult situation for you, to be sure. I'm just trying to provide some thoughts on it as I see it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#208540 - 03/02/08 10:45 PM Re: Shock therapy a perp? [Re: roadrunner]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Guy I just wanted to say that whether your brother will admit or can admit to anything, like Larry said, the damage is done and the pain of that betrayal is real. I know you want to love your brother and your feeling are genuine. That is the adult rational part of you. It is a good part and reflects a good man. The other part is a wounded boy who needs help and you should get it. I am glad your coming here. Glad your posting. You are not alone and you are BELIEVED. Let me know how your doing Ok?


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