Newest Members
J44, Anura, reynel5, smc1972, Moi
12418 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
camdon (30), camdon greenwood (30), Denise (72), getteddie (66), morgoth (24), Ric (66)
Who's Online
2 registered (traveler, 1 invisible), 19 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12418 Members
74 Forums
63763 Topics
445304 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 >
Topic Options
#208403 - 03/02/08 09:16 AM Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers
SpiritRisingMan Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 11
Hi group. Really glad I am here. I was abused as a 5 year old by a neighbor. MBd him. Probably since then had a penis fixation. I am married and would act out with men to get them to expose themselves to me. Hardly touched them, would ejaculate before anything happened. Came clean to my wife 2.5 years ago, and have not done anything with others since. I still focus on mine -- measure, measure, measure (as if it'll shrink or grow). Just nuts.

I am starting to understand my abuse -- it seems I did it to turn the tables on them (mastering my abuse, my therapist says), but I can't get over the constant penis comparison. Sort of a litmus test for manliness or something. Used to stare at crotches a lot too but not anymore. Just wondering of others had this issue also. Makes me scared about sexuality. Tried gay life, but that wasn't for me. I just went back to the activities described above. Didn't like male love/sex but was still fixated with men's penises. What gives? Any help would be a life saver.


Top
#208409 - 03/02/08 10:13 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
This is from my book that is under review by several publishers so please don't distribute this.
Ken

Am I Gay If I Think about Penises a Lot?

Sometimes the victim becomes fixated on penises. Thoughts of performing oral sex on men or boys become the theme of sexual fantasies for some survivors. For those who are truly homosexual this is a natural source of arousal. For the male victim of same-sex abuse, the penis may have a different meaning in such recurring fantasies. What we find sexually stimulating can also be termed “erotic”.

If you are heterosexual, the thought of a woman’s body can be quite stimulating. Because our sexual conditioning may involve a focus on body parts, some men become particularly interested or aroused by breasts, buttocks or legs. Others become attracted to the vagina. Likewise, if you are gay, the arousal to a penis or a man’s body can be stimulating for you. There is no “right” way to be attracted.

Years ago I worked with a man who was obsessed (or “fixated”) by legs, feet and women’s shoes. He reported that his mother used to come home from work and ask him to massage her legs and feet. She moaned as he worked on her legs and said things like, “Oh, you’re so good. That feels great, yes, yes!” He said he remembered often being sexually aroused and during one massage session with her, when he was about eleven, he experienced his first orgasm and ejaculation. He later associated sexual response with women’s legs, feet and shoes. The greatest turn-on for him during sex was to kiss his partner’s feet and massage her legs. He was also a big consumer of pornographic magazines that cater to those attracted to legs, feet and shoes. He concluded that had he not been eroticized to his mother’s legs and feet as a boy, he would have had a more normal sexual attraction to a woman’s body and not be fixated on her legs and feet.

This man associated sexual pleasure with his mother’s (and later his partners’) legs, shoes and feet. Similarly, if a boy experiences powerful sexual feelings while stimulating his abuser’s penis, or from having his own penis stimulated, he may make a similar connection. In addition, as teenagers discovering masturbation, we reinforce the pleasurable feelings with the sight and feel of our own penises. So, with a non-abusive sexual history, we will have a neutral to positive association with penises. Our penis can make us feel good, give us a sense of power, and can alleviate boredom.

But when the sexual feelings are forced, unwanted, confusing and even painful, the association with the penis can be contaminated. Some men hate their penis because it “betrayed” them by becoming erect in an abusive situation. Because the male abuser, particularly when there are negative feelings towards him, involves his penis in the acts, some survivors may associate the penis with the hurt, betrayal, pain, humiliation, shame and guilt from the abuse. Think of the confusion you might feel from having these negative emotions about the abuse or abuser, and at the same time trying to feel good about your sexuality, and about a part of your body that is so central to your sexuality as your penis.

Many survivors report a desire or temptation to look at the groins of other men, or at their exposed penises in situations like a restroom, changing room in school, gym, or at a swimming pool. It is natural for boys and men to be curious about the penises of other guys, and no amount of reassurance that size doesn’t matter seems to lessen this curiosity. Just because you are looking at someone else’s penis, doesn’t mean you are gay or interested In sex with that person.

For survivors, however, the penis is also a symbol of the harm they have suffered. You may think, for example, that your penis is what “attracted” the abuser; this is often why survivors, both teens and adults, report feelings of wishing they were not boys, or of wishing they didn’t have a penis. Although this is not very common, some survivors are so conflicted about having a penis that they sometimes seriously think about cutting theirs off.

The sexual parts of other males can also arouse feelings of discomfort and peril in you: that is, you are looking at other men not because you desire them, but because you are on alert for signs of possible arousal, which for you would be a danger signal. But notice once again how, when you experience these feelings, you are in fact also re-experiencing the control that the abuser had over you. The abuser’s penis was the source and symbol of so much of what was happening to you as a boy. Now, even though the abuse has ended and you no longer need fear harm from the abuser, these old defense mechanisms are still active. What the abuser did years ago still has the power to influence how you think and behave.

One important consideration for those who are sexual with other men is to look at why you desire to act sexually with them. If the behaviors are reenactments of your abuse, it may be because the trauma is still unresolved and the sex is a way of returning to the trauma, perhaps hoping – on an unconscious level – that this time you will not be the helpless victim.

One example of this is familiar with those who know or work with abused women. How many women in abusive relationships end their relationship, but then return to the abusing partner or wind up with another man who turns out to be abusive as well? On some unconscious level these women may be hoping that “this time it will be different”. This way of thinking leaves them in a situation where they find themselves in a repeating cycle of bad or abusive relationships.

It may also be that you have been taught or conditioned that behaving in this way will bring closeness, acceptance or some other emotional need that you may not have in your life at the moment. Or you may have learned that by giving in, you will not be beaten or hurt more.

Again, look at all these situations and you can see the continuing control of the abuser. The bad times are gone, and perhaps the abuser too, but the emotional responses you learned as an abused boy may still be with you.


Top
#208439 - 03/02/08 11:28 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
SpiritRisingMan Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 11
Thanks Ken for your great response. I can say this, the penis really triggers me (more quickly than female triggers). But when I sit back and dream about who I want to be with, I dream of my wife, starting a famly and growing old with her. So, in my head, I feel very comfortable with the concept of being straight. What is scary is that there is so much energy connected with the penis that it gets me all tied up. When i used to look at these people, I never said "I want to have sex with them". Maybe my thought would be, I want to see their penis, show them mine, ejaculate and be done witht the experience. Reliving my abuse (I masturbated a neighbor to completion) except this time I am in control. Does that make sense? Also, the male body is interesting to me because I wish I was in better shape and have envy there too.


Top
#208490 - 03/02/08 03:57 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
That makes perfect sense SRM. it is a common this to want to repeat the abuse with you in control to try to understand it and control it and understand what you perp was thinking and feeling.


Top
#208590 - 03/03/08 10:03 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Freedom49]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I know for me, starting as young as 3rd or 4th grade, I was fixated on just touching my penis. Not in a mastibatory way so much, but I needed/wanted to just keep my hand down there if I was sitting idle. I guess it comforted me.

I can't tell if that is just normal kid stuff, or because of the abuse. Hm. *shrug*

I still do it, but it's not automatic anymore, I guess.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Top
#208645 - 03/03/08 06:45 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: AndyJB2005]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I have an 8 yo son who has been brought up in a very safe environmet, since he could walk he has kept his hand on his penis. My wife and I don't want him to think that he shouldn't touch himself so we just tell him that he has to be aware of it in public and we remind him, gently but still remind him. I think it's just a boy thing that we CSA victims, understandably, put a negative on. My touching of my penis was not as innocent but I have very different circumstances than my son.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

Top
#208731 - 03/04/08 05:55 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: dancr6]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
I Dont know if this belongs here------------------but when i was a boy----------------------7 8 or 9 cant recall-----when the neighbor kids came by-------------------boys and girls-------------------------------i would strip off my clothes-----and chase them around--------------------shaking my little penis at them--------------------------they would screem and run-----------------------------it was sorta like a penis power trip----------------where does a small boy dream up stuff like that?????????????????????????????????steve


Top
#208747 - 03/04/08 08:20 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
SRM,

I can't add anything to the chapter from ken's book. I'll just assure you that you aren't alone. Don't feel ashamed or guilty about these feelings; it's a survivor issue and can be addressed in therapy.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#208761 - 03/04/08 09:03 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: roadrunner]
SpiritRisingMan Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/02/08
Posts: 11
Thanks everyone. This has been really helpful. I will try my best to accept and love myself. If the shame starts up, I'll just tell myself that I am a good person who had some really bad stuff happen to me and the penis thing is part of the bad stuff working its way out. Again for me, it's about looking, comparing and somehow feeling close by doing that. It's got nothing to do with doing anything with the penis. So it's not about sex. It's about how I connected with someone when I was young (even just once) that was so damaging I am dealing with it 30 years later. God bless everyone.


Top
#212381 - 03/22/08 10:41 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
freemen Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/20/05
Posts: 18
Loc: Alberta, Canada
I thank you for sharing. I went on chat this week to get some answers, but was being told if I'm fixated on a penis - I must be gay.

I find that I especially look at or search for the same type of penis that abused me. When I see it, I feel like I must be with that person as often as possible, to guard myself OR to just do the oral act and get it over with. It doesn't happen with every penis I see....I mean I always look, but if it isn't like my abusers, I don't care.

Does that make sense?


Top
#212382 - 03/22/08 10:46 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
yes it does, Freemen, when we are sexualized powerful chemicals are released in the pleasure center of the brain and can cause us to fixate on shoe, penis, butt, legs, facial hair, anything. It can be re wired with time but a little work. I doubt seriously if it means your gay.


Top
#212410 - 03/23/08 01:32 AM . [Re: freemen]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
.

_________________________
.

Top
#212411 - 03/23/08 01:33 AM . [Re: freemen]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
.

_________________________
.

Top
#212433 - 03/23/08 07:45 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
Matthew Ford Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/23/08
Posts: 2
Loc: Victoria, BC, Canada (North We...
I grew up in a quiet normal setting with normal friends until I got diagnosed with epilepsy at age 8. Then things changed from having normal friends, to spending more time in the children's hospital around disabled people. I then got put in a Care Home where it was mandatory that all males get sexually fixed. Being a minor, they didn't need my consent. Just the signature of my parents, allowing the facility to do whatever's necessary. One of the Caregivers there was Gay and I found out the hard way after waking up from a seizure, finding I'd been put to bed, stripped naked, and sexually used. I called the police, but he denied it, and since it was in my room, there were no witnesses, so nobody can vouch for me that it happened. No Witness, No Case.

My idea of making it stop was to have my penis amputated so the guy has nothing to come after. I even thought about having a complete sex change, just to make it stop. The years went by with more gay people getting into that line of work, as it's a part of their job to handle other people's privates. The only way it ended was when I attempted suicide. That woke people up to think something's wrong here.

When the police got involved, the guy took the easy way out... he had diabetes and went out for dinner somewhere eating lots of sweet stuff and it killed him. Since he's now gone, the case is closed. If I can't have him charged, I can't be awarded any compensation to get counselling as counselling costs money. Here in Canada, there is the BC Male Survivors of Sexual Assault clinic in Vancouver BC, but it costs $80 a session. Unlike the Rape Crisis Centers for Women that are free.

There's a Men's Trauma Center here that's free, but it's not for rape victims. It's for guys suffering the loss of a wife, or a friend who got killed in an accident or died of something.

Do an internet search for Sexually Abused Men, and you'll just get lots of websites offering services for women who've been Sexually Abused by Men. I'm so glad I found this site!

Matthew

_________________________
Sexually Abused by a Gay Caregiver while living in a Care Home for people with disabilities. I have Epilepsy.

Top
#212446 - 03/23/08 10:08 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Matthew Ford]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6500
Loc: Terminus
Matthew,

Welcome. I'm glad you found us too.

Your story is a horrible one. Sick monsters like these seem to lurk in these opportunities of isolated children. He's gone now, but you are left with the bill.

You've got a long road ahead of you pal....but you are NOT alone!

_________________________
When the phone don't ring, I'll know its you.

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

Top
#212452 - 03/23/08 10:44 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
I have a facsination as well. Although I am finding that I do have gay fantasies - and I am starting to be able to be comfortable with my sexuality, my fascination with men's penises is something different. I was abused for 6 years - mine was anal sex, giving and receiving. In all those times, I never saw my perps penis erect. I had seen him flaccid many times (we were friends - he was an older neighbor - we went swimming together - camping together - but the sex was different - very quiet, very secretive - very surreal. I became, if not obsessed, VERY interested in looking at erect penises - almost in a clinical way - as if I was trying to "normalize" what happened to me.

About 5 years ago, I started to workout daily at a gym I had belonged to but used infrequently until then. At first, in the showers, I would be embarrased... I felt compelled to "look"....

But as I got to know the men at the gym... to connect with them on a personal level - work out with them, joke with them, become friends with them - I had no need to look at them as I had in the past - They were people that I cared about - not objects.

I realized my obsession was probably because of the cold, mechanical way I had been initiated into sexual activity - and that lost its grasp on me (no pun inteneded \:\) )

I feel like as I get more comfortable with myself as a sexual, sensual and intimate person... my obsession has soften ( sorry, couldn't resist! \:\) )

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

Top
#212459 - 03/23/08 11:10 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: dannym]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
i don't think it makes you gay

i like girls, but i've had dreams that have revisited and have felt aroused even though i'm not gay

and sabata, i can relate to that story of a kind of penis power trip, i don't remember why and i was never too comfortable with it myself but i think it must be something kids do, must be a way of exploring nakedness or something, i remember when people would come over when we were younger, like parents friends, my two brothers, sister and i (me being the youngest) would go to my parents bedroom and undress and then run about downstairs saying "naked bodies", sounds pretty messed up i know and i don't remember why but i figure maybe we were doing it to be naughty i don't remember

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#212471 - 03/23/08 12:04 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
dave999 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 23
Loc: Canada
Freeman - I think that this really does make sense. I think that with sexual abuse we become separated from the male side of our being - I think we do this in response to the act in an attempt to protect ourselves - I know that I dissociated, retreated into fantasy, compulsive sexual activity. I found myself physically attracted to women - always checking them out on the street. When I see a male on the street I find I am always wondering whether he is gay or not. This results in a dilemma for me - I want to move toward and reconnect with the male of my being yet am afraid to do so - maleness = sexual abuse - fear, anger, taken advantage of etc. Being uncertain as to my sexual identity makes it hard - I feel vulnerable yet I have these very strong sexual urges to be with a male - I think the urges come from my deeper libidinal (male sexual)energy - trying to get me to act and move towards reconnecting with the male side of my being. The penis is the object of maleness and it is also the male sexual organ - it gets very confusing - you want to approach and reconnect - the energy pushing us there is coming from the male libido - yet we resist - because it reminds us of the abuse - being confused with our sexuality we are also hesitant to go there as it may mean that we will find out that we are gay, bi or hetero - a finding that may run counter to how we have been leading our lives to day or run counter to our true sexual identity. The urge is sexual because it is so basic - if I deny my maleness (penis)- then I will be safe. The oral act may be an attempt to reconnect with your male - if I do this I am showing that I am not afraid of the male - so I will be safe and it will be ok to reconnect with my male. Reconnecting with our male side for me is the first thing that has to happen. Once done, I think that we will be able to have close male friendships without sexualizing the relationship. Once secure in this - then I think that the sexual orientation issue will settle itself - whether gay, bi or hetero - it really is all about love - and sex is a natural expression of this love - with the SA we objectivize sex - no feeling, no intimacy, get it over with - let me out of here - once we can reconnect with our male side - I think we will have healthy boundaries and will be able to have loving trusting relationships with both males and females - which may or may not involve sex - sorry for the ramble
Dave


Top
#212606 - 03/23/08 09:54 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: dave999]
freemen Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/20/05
Posts: 18
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Well, I guess I can speak freely here. I am feeling slightly guilty, and yet kind of resolved to these feelings. This close friend I've had for years looked physically like my unlce (perp) from many years ago, voice like him and even humor like him, and naked - even physically like him in every way. In the showers or change room after a workout, I was fixated on his penis. I was incredibly nervous and anxious being by him, and yet I felt I needed to be there just in case. For more years than I can remember I have screamed inside to perform oral sex on him just to get it over with. I'd provided opportunities, and nothing ever happened - it was a necessity - to get it over with. So, with some guilt I can say he finally he let me do it about 2 months ago....I....felt nothing. It was a job i needed to do ....to get it over with. I wasn't sexually stimulated, but I felt such relief afterwards. He told me I was incredible and when he told me that, in my head I said "I know I am"...but I didn't care....I was a boy again - in between my uncle's legs. I had captured the picture that had me anxious for years. I've known this guy for over 20 years....and I have not been with a man in my entire 20 year of marriage. When the act was over, I felt empty, useless, and didn't care if I ever saw my friend again. I realized that the whole relationship had been built on that one thing....and I was more of a subordinate little brother friend to him than a real friend. My wife had questioned our friendship for years.


Top
#212699 - 03/24/08 12:56 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
dave999 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 23
Loc: Canada
Freemen - I think that you and I are wrestling with the same issue - I too found the sex with men very unsatisfying - felt depressed, guilty, empty afterwards - yet had this overwhelming urge to connect with them orally - over the years I had erected a wall around myself to keep men and women at a distance - this was isolating - lonely - and prevented me from developing any form of close intimate friendships - I am just now beginning to understand why this happened - I was abused by my mother - and had repressed this reality all my life - I have only just got in touch with it and the enormity of the impact that it has had on my life - I can say today that the wall is slowly coming down - and I am trying to develop male friendships - it is all about being able to trust - not only others but ourselves as well - one can connect with men and women in a caring, trusting way - the challenge is give to ourselves permission to do this - without sexualizing the friendship -


Top
#212713 - 03/24/08 02:53 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: dave999]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
it's good to know i'm not alone in this battle ... though for me the twist comes in the form of being gay and married. for years i pushed the thought of my being fixated on men to being the result of my abuse. i too have had relationships with men - but for me they were usually very fulfilling, i did not feel empty, used, or guilty aftereward. other than the depression that i was married and finding out that maybe i never should have taken that step...


Top
#212716 - 03/24/08 03:02 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: MarkK]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
In general I feel very satisfied and connected after intimacy with my partner. Casual encounters with men generally left me feeling sort of empty, but very satisfied.

I think we might all agree that sexual encounters that are a result of acting out will likely be the ones that result in feelings of terrible disgust, shame, guilt, loathing, etc.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

Top
#212719 - 03/24/08 03:15 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: cbfull]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: cbfull
I think we might all agree that sexual encounters that are a result of acting out will likely be the ones that result in feelings of terrible disgust, shame, guilt, loathing, etc.

I agree with that evaluation. It even makes sense (to me, anyhoo) - if it's acting out based on a traumatic experience - it would tend to leave me "feeling dirty" ....


Top
#212728 - 03/24/08 04:47 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: MarkK]
VLinvictus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 273
Loc: NY
I'm gay, and I like penises very much.

The post about the "penis power trip" resonated with me, though.

I was in 2nd grade and I had two of my friends over after school to work on homework. We were sitting around the dining room table and my mom was out of sight in the kitchen. I desperately wanted these boys to like me. We were friends, but of course I didn't think anyone would ever truly be my friend. So I felt like I needed to entertain them. My mom made us a snack and would bustle in and our of the room every so often. I thought it would be funny if I started acting goofy when she was out of the room and then suddenly rever to staid normalcy when she returned. I started out with silly faces, but then escalated each time to get a better reaction. Eventually, I jumped on top of the table and pulled down my pants and waved my penis around.

Needless to say, this is one of those memories I usually block out of my conscious mind with my "It didn't happen" mantra -- as I remained in contact with these kids through elementary and high school, I was never able to look them in the eye again.

Dan

_________________________
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
~ Oscar Wilde

Top
#221507 - 04/29/08 05:20 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: VLinvictus]
RobertRent Offline


Registered: 04/29/08
Posts: 11
I was flattered with all the comments I got from men when they saw my penis. I luved seeing how their penis reacted when they saw mine. Like friends meeting each other. My penis brought me pleasure and I liked sharing my penis. My penis was a powertool and I could use it get anything I wanted from this pedos.

Now I have a life and my penis is not a Star anymore.



Edited by RobertRent (04/29/08 05:20 PM)

Top
#223599 - 05/10/08 07:52 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Greetings. I am new here.

I developed a penis fixation shortly after my CSA started when I was 10. A neighbor boy about 2-3 years older pressured me into masturbating with him. I didn't want to but he all but insisted. He said I didn't have to "go all the way". I had no clue then what that meant. When I reluctantly gave in and dropped my pants and underwear he laughed at my penis and called it a microscopic morsel. I was devastated. I became obsessed with other penises after this, including my dad's.

Bark

_________________________
My Story

Top
#223602 - 05/10/08 08:01 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Barkabus]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Welcome, Bark. I'm glad you found MS to help in your healing.

_________________________
Eddie

Top
#223611 - 05/10/08 08:51 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: EGL]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Welcome Barkabus glad you found us. Sorry you needed to. This kind of think is not unusual with victims of CSA especially if the focus has been on the penis and not the person himself. You are not the first to be curious about dad's equipment. I unfortunately got the delux up close and personal tour. Trust me it is not worth it. Make youself at home. Read, post, chat and vent as it all helps. If you have any questions click on someone's name that says moderator under it and send them a Private Message and they respond pretty well.


Top
#223836 - 05/12/08 07:52 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Ridley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/11/08
Posts: 3
Loc: USA - IL
I have struggled with penis fixation for such a long time that I really thought I was the only one. Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with other men who know what a struggle this really is. I'm not gay, nor do I desire to be, but the fixation with the male body is overwhelming at times. I'm beginning to understand that it's not the fixation that I struggle with, but the reason I do it. It's because no matter what I do, I don't feel normal and if I don't feel normal then I must not be and if I must not be what good am I. My abuser told me for so long it was my fault that the false guilt makes me feel different. So, I guess I'm really looking so I see that I'm no different, but that is the problem, no matter how many sneak peaks I take, when I look in a mirrow, I still feel different. I'm in great physical shape, I run at least 5 miles a day, have six pack abs, but it's not enough. What can I do to break this distructive cycle?


Top
#223849 - 05/12/08 09:43 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Ridley]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Ridley:
See if there are any predictable patterns you can interrupt.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer2.html

Since you have the discipline to do the running and crunches, you can also put this one of a track for controlling. It will be difficult because there are some rewards associated with the behavior. But for many of us the choice between a Snickers bar and doing physical activity is not complicated. Sounds like you have willpower. That will help.


Top
#229329 - 06/06/08 06:49 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hi guys, as i have come to embrace myself sexually, [uhumm!? in theory i mean...] and my orientation, my interest in all things male deepens and widens. when i was in my dysfunctional stage of my orientation i felt guilty and dirty about my attraction. but now, since i have begun to celebrate my gift of orientation, i no longer try to convince myself that 'there must be something about women that i could find attractive', ie. make want to have sex with them and thereby qualify among the ranks of male-worthy-ness. and the most awesome thing in the whole evolutionary process, is that as i embrace myself more fully, my joy in other males become less an objectification of them, and the same thing happens for females as well! i no longer tend to see them as barbie dolls, important only for their plasticity and blondness, and babymaking function. as i get healthier, i notice that people are just people, not penises and boobs/vaginas and all the cultural implications therein.
i have even come to believe that given the opportunity, i could actually sustain a functional relationship! now how do you like them apples? peace, ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#229331 - 06/06/08 06:58 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Sans Logos]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I like them apples a lot Sans. I think this is progress and time we can dump the objectifacation and begin to see people as people. Congratulation.


Top
#324473 - 03/08/10 04:51 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Freedom49]
Fratguy88 Offline


Registered: 03/01/10
Posts: 4
I too believe I have a fixation and experience many of the symptoms other guys have said they felt. I want to see what other guys have and I want what I have to be seen. My penis is my favorite part of my body. I get erect I think because I want to show off and compare but not to interact with the guy. I feel safe showing my genitals to straight guys because I know they won't touch me. I'll show anyone online because they can't touch me. I've tried the gay world but it wasn't for me I just like to look, show, and compare. With the friends who I've shown and have shown me I feel closer with them as I showed them something of great importance to me and he did the same. I feel like it's a bonding experience without getting sexual. I'm not grossed out by genitals and if someone wants to show them off I have no problem looking.


Top
#327592 - 04/06/10 11:17 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
roco Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 3
Loc: Maryland
Thanks Ken. I understand your explanations about penis fixation. For me I was abuse by my cousin and he had a large penis compared to me at age 9. I was afraid and feared him but I also got aroused. I was so confused because I felt guilty. He pulled my pants down and I wanted to run away but he told me he would tell. He constantly sought me out and I always tried to avoid him but he was a lot older and baby sat me and my younger bother. He made me sleep in the same bed and he would brush his erect penis on my butt. I would just close my eyes and pretend I was asleep. Today, I look at gay porn and fixated on erect penises. I also look at male-female porn and wish I was the hot guy f**kng a woman. I like his cock and how he had control and power. When I see a hot guy, I do'nt want to have sex but look at them naked. I had gay sex before, got aroused and ejaculated but felt dirty/shame after all the time. When I have sex with women it feels more comfortable and I enjoy it; however, after I feel guilty because I have sex with guys. Does she know? Do I send signals? Anyway, I have never been able to be satisfied sexually or in a relationship with guy or gal.


Top
#327869 - 04/09/10 07:42 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
pkincrisi Offline


Registered: 04/08/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Wisconsin
I can relate to the penis fixation. Every time I see a guy, my eyes automatically go to his penis. I hate it because I don't even look at him as a person. I just want to focus on that part of him and find fulfillment in it. I will look for more information from Ken because I need to understand what has happened to me and how I can move forward.

_________________________
Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Top
#327876 - 04/09/10 08:45 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: pkincrisi]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Brother i urge you to purchase kens book

Evicting the Perpetrator

you can get it from our amazon bookstore link on the main malesurvivor.org page

warm regards,

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#361444 - 05/04/11 01:23 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: freemen]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 278
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I would be careful with what you take ,receive Anywhwere( freemen) ( Sorry I am lousy at grammar). There is alot
of opinions on here and where you live. Ask the professionals.

I dislosed to a guy , in the city where I live that i watchED
gay porn ( lots of it). He replied that I should just accept I am gay. It took months to take this out on the punching bag . I found this very abusive and unprofessional to say to me or to anyone. Be Careful!


Top
#361770 - 05/09/11 05:25 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
TW16 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 06/11/09
Posts: 159
Loc: Utah
I too have had that problem with wanting to see other guy's penises. I had always been criticized about the size of mine, and so I wanted to compare; I wanted to know if what other people said about my size was true. I still have that problem, but not so much.

When I talked to somebody about my fixation on penises, they told me that it is because I am young and it is normal for guys to be curious.

TW16


Top
#362275 - 05/15/11 06:51 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: TW16]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 278
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I want to see a guys dink right ,,, No! I Don't . But if
a guy wants to check guys out.. go ahead! Who am I ? Another
person! All my life ,, allowing my dad to be what he wanted ..I PAYED FOR IT! Wondering who I was , so quiet. MY
relatives (then) would say " what is wrong with James?, ?"
I was just me,James. Then, I didn't like my name and they
my dad and his brother&sister-in-law did some really frightening things.Putting nail polish on my fingernails ,female clothing. Now I can understand why I am a virgin. Eat lots when I am down, and depressed. This is normal!
My dad's family ( NOT MINE), got away with Murder! They don't care. People are morons. My dad's thinking " ah, he is just a
kid! What do kids know?" APPARENTLY AND EVIDENTLY ALOT SHITHEAD! He didn't care. I hate it when i see kids. Really hate , why? I am scared , hoping they are not keeping any secrets. Hoping they are not frightened to death so they are not stunted at a very young age- and that we can't fight FOR THEM.! Since this (their innocense and Purity)has been robbed!
I don't give a fuck about my dad! Hmm, fucking asshole! How people have this in their thinking they can just kill children
ha, is beyond my challenge of trust in another person. Afterall
it can be a neighbour,anyone watching that noone is looking.
I AM OUT ! i WILL KILL,BY WRITING! THAT IS ME,YEARS AGO! WHEN I HAD TO SHUT-UP! TO SAVE DADDY AND SOME OTHERS! Thankyou,it
feels good to get this CRAP OUT!
James


Top
#362625 - 05/20/11 08:37 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Sterling]
Sterling Offline


Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 278
Loc: Winnipeg, Manitoba,Canada
I dont have any where. I am angry at myself. One day,. Two days
,. threee. Hmm, Not over. I hate this SHIT! I am soo lonely.
I refuse to be gay. I like women. But i notice I am drawn to
women who are senitive and poite! I hate this. I have no where to go. Seriously. I hate the small stuff! I dont watch t.v.
I am trying to learn English from a different , place. I do not think That I want to be to nice.. when I think about my dad, his dad his mom...and so onnnnnnnnnn. I hate my life. I am glad I am still here. Lately I have been pondering to jump out of an airplane (w/ a parachute, of course). I just masturbated to male
and male porn. I found these two sites , and this other with a guy with a one man show. I am tired. I really am. I hate ,hate
him. Why can't they killl my dad 's brother? Why? I vent in my
head. I am tired of being Judicious. I am not special. I just want to go home. Never feels okay. I have thinking of moving to another city. I need to just cut my thoughts on buying this and that. I am tired. I feel like a woman. or unsure. I dont have a penis. I feel so scared in the shower. I never liked me! I was never to ever think. I nevr knew me. I hate it that i have nowehre to turn. My dad is nervous... really? Yeah.! That he tooo can be wanting to die! " Why do you say these things?"

BEcause they told me. If i ever tell anyone they will find me or kill me and the other scary stuff. See I never had a place to call home. I started to .,, maybe 1974 - the year i was born But
she beat me up.. "Who? " my dad's sister-in-law. I will never call her Auntie. she is sick. I dont use nice words toward my mum.. I mean shit to my dad's sister-in-law. I didnt like her. She kept telling me sick stuff , such ss; you are goin to hell!
You dont like your mom. I could never understand this woman/ devil. I hate my dad's culture, my mother's I dont want to have anything to do with it. But since I feel like my dad took me away
from my mom since i was 6 months old,,, I dont want to talk to him. He , I dont know what is wrong with him. My dad's mother would always do these sick things to. Listen to your cousins they know more than you. I always grew inferior of these two. My brother no longer cared about me...I never was hannging out at my brother or dad's place. I just learned to go over to my dad's brother's place where they drexsed me as a girl , put nail polish on me and I would undress for them k, to entertain my dad's mom. IKK! Yukki. I have no friends because of this. I grew up confused about my sexuality. Not knowing " Are you a girl or a boy "my dad's sister-in-lawy would have alot of fun. I couldn't do anything ,, I could feel my dad... doing it right now.. but it isn'thim it is her,,her dad...my cousin ..and he teels me to not move.. OR ELSE! I wait till he is inside me.. I am scared Iand wheewe now it is today and I havenot grown.. 36 years old and not touching myself means i must not be a man. Who am I or what am i? I hated looking in the mirror all the way ,,only til recently i dont want to hang out .. I dont know what to tell people. I dont want to scare anyone.. Where do I go?
I want dont to feel bii her next to me! I loathe her and her dad. I feel I have been tricked and poisoned to thinkn i have to listen to her and her pedophole dad..over and over inmy fucking head. When does it go , away? One more day.. please tell me it will be only one more day. I want to be a BOY!, AND GROW INTO A MAN A GOOD,NICE MAN! THANKS JAMES, anytime.


Top
#362634 - 05/20/11 11:28 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Sterling]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Sterling,

This CAN get better for you - it is possible.


Keep sharing and working thru this- you can get to a better place.


Jamie

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

Top
#378669 - 12/08/11 08:37 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Mountainous Buck]
randy2000 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 5
Loc: New York, USA
I too have a penis fixation. My eyes and my brain are drawn to the groins of men. I am ashamed to admit that my perp has been able to screw up my brain in this way. I am not attracted to men but I am attracted to their penis's.


Top
#380770 - 12/26/11 08:47 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: randy2000]
dinger57 Offline


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 3
Loc: PA (Near Harrisburg)
Just for know I was at the age of seven or eight when it began and used by men. I am fixated on penises. I am always looking at men’s groins hope to see their penis budging thou their pants. I love going to public restrooms and try my best to see other means penis. I have looked at porn on the internet. And when I do I get turned on looking at the their penies. I get a funny feeling down there and play with myself. Love showing my penis and get others hard that see it. I just what to play with other penis it is such a turn on for me.


Top
#381852 - 01/09/12 02:25 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: dinger57]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3447
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Yeah – I’ve got it bad. Not much mystery why.

From 5-13, my stepfather shoved his in my face. At first it seemed huge and I felt tiny and insignificant. By age 12 I realized mine was bigger than his.

At 11, my classmates discovered I was sexually fully developed though my body was still as small and immature as theirs and I became the plaything of every guy in middle school, scouts and the Y who wanted to have a go at me. I was a novelty and a freak. They and I were equally amazed at the fact that I was so much bigger and more advanced than them. Difference was, they enjoyed it & I was ashamed and humiliated by it.

At 13, the school bully forced me to compare with him and proved to me that I was of average adult size while he was super-sized. Again I felt small and inadequate next to his super-human exhibition.

Quite a roller-coaster: little-big-little-big-little/average?

NO – I do not desire any physical contact or sexual activity or involvement with any other male. That is something that makes me feel sick to think about and is absolutely terrifying to me. But still I find myself uncontrollably checking out other guys to see where on the scale from small to average to big they and I fall. And much of my focus in online model photos is centered on the extreme ends of the scale and trying to find photographic matches for my memories and impressions of myself and the most indelible images in my mind.

Couldn't get free of the impulse for a long time - and it wreaked havoc with my self-image and relationships. Lots of conflict, confusion and mixed signals - left me paralyzed on the sidelines and isolated, hoping no one would discover my abnormality. better now

Lee


Edited by traveler (08/22/13 09:41 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#381869 - 01/09/12 12:15 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: traveler]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Society trains us to think we never measure up to other men and being a bused makes is worse. Finding acceptance with your body is hard after abuse but it can be done. PS even non abused straight guys look and compare.

_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

Top
#425667 - 02/18/13 07:07 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
It is normal, universal, omnipresent male behavior to be fixated on penises. There have been scientific studies using eye-tracking cameras that show men -regardless of sexual orientation or history - spend the most time looking at the crotches of other men (clothed or unclothed) and even of animals. Many features of the human penis are useless for reproduction and serve as a visual signaling device for other men - this was explored at length in "The Third Chimpanzee."

Goodness knows it's hard to find a professional straight porn movie that DOESN'T feature multiple closeups of erect penises on their own, uninvolved with a female body. Its not uncommon for professional straight porn to feature fairly long scenes focused entirely on guys masturbating as they look at something the camera isn't showing.

Guys are naturally curious about other guys and naturally want to compare with them and identify with them.

So, with or without your SA, try not to feel bad about it.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#426814 - 03/01/13 01:04 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
Yes, I agree with you Matt in that we're curious about things.

I have tried to see things from a detached perspective, considering side possibilities I had not considered before.

This may work for some people, may not work for others, but it's important for me to actually understand what my feelings are and why I'm doing certain things. I also need to know if the reason for feeling uncomfortable resides on not meeting society's expectations of me or some other reason.

I do have a fixation on groins, but at this point I'm trying to ask provocative questions such as: and so what? why am I doing this? would this make me abnormal? what would it mean to me? do other people experience it?

By submitting my thoughts and anxieties to some sort of 'rational emotive' analysis, I have had good results that have ultimately helped me calm down and feel so much better about myself.
_________________________
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings.
The Round Table, Mondays 7:30pm CST.

Top
#427312 - 03/06/13 05:13 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Kryptic Offline


Registered: 12/20/10
Posts: 24
Loc: USA
I, too, have major fixation on penises, and fantasize about other guys and their girth/length, is he gay, or will he suck me or let me suck him? I remember telling my T that I remember holding my cousin's penis in my hand before he would coax me into licking or sucking him while he got erect. I was abused by him from the age of 5 to 13; he was the "golden boy" the chosen "good kid" babysitter. He tried to penetrate me but never could fully because he was so big; I remember how it felt, his trying and accompanied whispers to relax and let him in. He was a star football player, handsome, built, six-pack, and large penis. Our sessions usually entailed me stroking his package and scrotum, and tasting it while he told me how good it should taste to me. I remember being taken by how large he was, and the smell of him, that man smell that I know of now because I have that smell. It's crazy; I try not to stare at other guys, but I do all the time. I hesitate to make friends with guys and stay guarded because of it. At the gym I try not to look, but the energy is overwhelming. I want to see, I would to admire the ripped bodies around me and stroke the swinging penises I try to see. I'm married and love sex with my wife (It's damn good typically). I have no desire to live and build a life with a man, however, I fantasize about sex with other guys constantly, and how big their penises may be. I'm ashamed that this gets me off in the worst way, but the urge is so strong to have sex with these men that I worry that I will, and in it, destroy my life; my urges have grown drastically stronger over the years, and when I'm upset, or stressed, all I want to do is find a willing guy..... (Can't believe I just said all of that) (Angry, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed, depressed, and erect) but trying hard not to be... trying hard not to be caught in the shadows of my abuser and this abuse. Trying hard to be a husband, friend, brother, and father that I can be proud of.....Lots of the time, I feel like I'm going crazy; how could a straight guy be so fixated on sucking cock? To even say it, makes me want to scream inside, I want to crawl out of myself...3 months of therapy down....hopefully, not a lifetime to go.......
_________________________
"Because if you don't define yourself for yourself, you'll be crushed into other people's image of you, and eaten alive." (Audre Lorde)

Top
#427313 - 03/06/13 05:15 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Kryptic Offline


Registered: 12/20/10
Posts: 24
Loc: USA
I totally understand unfortunately; may we both find healing.
_________________________
"Because if you don't define yourself for yourself, you'll be crushed into other people's image of you, and eaten alive." (Audre Lorde)

Top
#427315 - 03/06/13 05:22 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1341
Loc: kansas
.


Edited by Obi (05/03/13 06:17 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#445034 - 08/21/13 11:11 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SoccerStar]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar
It is normal, universal, omnipresent male behavior to be fixated on penises. There have been scientific studies using eye-tracking cameras that show men -regardless of sexual orientation or history - spend the most time looking at the crotches of other men (clothed or unclothed) and even of animals.


Really?

"most of the time"?

maybe thats going a bit too far (well, not a bit, but i'm being nice).

As attractive a notion as it might be, I don't think you'll find agreement with the reality of other men's experiences.

If you have a link to that 'eye tracking' experiment, I'd like to see it. was it conducted in a locker room? smile

I think, obsessing over body parts with all the emotional trauma and distraction that comes with it, is by no means "normal", and passing it off as such is less than helpful.

Not that your intentions were bad, man.

Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it. From one crotch watcher to another.

Top
#445055 - 08/22/13 01:05 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
Your attempts at humor are misplaced. This has been documented in peer-reviewed scientific journals.

And I did not say "most of the time," as in, their every waking moment; I said "the most time," comparing the time spent observing that region as opposed to other regions in experimental series.

http://blogs.reuters.com/mediafile/2007/10/18/keep-your-eye-on-the-ball/

http://feck-blog.blogspot.com/2011/06/eye-tracking-devicesman-we-are-strange.html?m=1

http://gurneyjourney.blogspot.com/2012/03/men-women-and-eyetracking.html?m=1


It is not incumbent upon scientific truths that they must be helpful. They are simply true.


_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#445240 - 08/23/13 08:52 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SoccerStar]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 734
Loc: Southeast USA
I like the eye tracking study. The results seem to support conventional wisdom even though many refuse to admit where our eyes tend to linger.

While I don't believe I have a penis fixation, I freely admit I will check out other guys' equipment. I believe it is a primal instinct used to evaluate potential rivals. And yes...by extension I know I'm being "evaluated" as well. Interestingly, a quick once-over from someone else strokes my ego (that's all it strokes) smile A more fixated gaze crosses an internal boundary and I get all panicked. That's when my CSA issues quickly emerge.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

Top
#445246 - 08/23/13 10:07 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: Suwanee]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3610
Loc: South-East Europe
We are visual beings and our biology is reason for those glances.
I'm sure everyone is doing it and it is unintentional. Sometimes I caught my eye slipping down there and it makes me feel uncomfortable...

Originally Posted By: Suwanee
A more fixated gaze crosses an internal boundary and I get all panicked. That's when my CSA issues quickly emerge.


Same here, I'm very anxious if I would feel such gaze.

Pero
_________________________
My story

Top
#445258 - 08/23/13 02:10 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
Oh man. Let me tell you, I tried out Bikram Yoga once for about 3 months (yoga in a 90-110 degree room with like 70-80% humidity for 90 minutes) and I've done karate for about 12 years now. I am still amazed at how it seems that once men hit the age of about 55 or so, they just stop trying to be modest and keep covered up. I would be having a conversation with somebody on my way to the showers, and then I'd turn around to be polite and initiate eye contact, and WHAM. Just chilling there naked, letting everything air out. Bro, you have a towel. I would like to focus on our conversation, not trying to do everything in my power to avert my gaze from your old man testicles.

The karate place was at least a little more discreet in that people would usually turn and face the wall so that if you were talking to them, you didn't see anything that would scar you for life. That and it was a quick change there. The yoga studio was like "hey, it was hot as hell in that room. I think I'll just chill here being naked and cooling off". Yes, I'm about to do that too, by walking out into a January evening at 8:30 in a T shirt and driving home with my windows open.

I used to worry about it too, but I'm getting to a point where I don't really care anymore. It's not like people are trying to stare at my junk and judge me for it. Once I came to that conclusion, it was a bit less stressful for me.

Top
#446356 - 09/03/13 06:07 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
This sounds crazy but the thing that got me over penis envy more than anything else was being a performer on webcam for a one week stint. Being the object of en-masse affirming attention went a long way in overcoming the conviction of inadequacy, which we know hits men big and small.

I still enjoy looking at a bulge or a big one, but I don't have all the conflicting feelings of envy and anger that go with wishing I was 'that big'.

* not recommending it as a solution necessarily! Put your cams away.


Edited by GoldStone (09/03/13 06:11 PM)

Top
#446451 - 09/05/13 02:46 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1556
Loc: New England
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

Top
#446557 - 09/06/13 09:26 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
I too had this most of my life but mine was a little more about comparing because my perp (my cousin) was extremely hung for his age and even in adulthood. I never thought I measured up so I would always try and compare until one day my self body image changed and I was able to be comfortable with my whole body.
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

Top
#447218 - 09/14/13 05:56 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
It's funny how that happens - when I was much younger it was an obsession for me, both for my physical shape as well as my size. Then eventually as I got older and filled out and all, things got to the point where I wasn't necesarilly thinking "hell yeah, I look awesome in all these departments", but rather "Hey, I'm not doing too bad".

Top
#448628 - 09/28/13 07:54 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Interesting topic. I am new to thinking and dealing with my CSA, it was non violent and lots of oral both ways. He was 15, I was 8. And sadly I must admit that i remember it with color clear detail. The skin tone even of his penis and salty taste of the semen. I hate this snapshot is burned in my memory. I am straight. And remembering this against my will felt like a violation upon every recollection. I feel like that if I could have a pin stuck in my brain to kill those cells that remember, I would. Even on here I hate writing it.

I know with no doubt that my high demand for oral on me for the rest of my life was related to that. I would not date a girl that did not so it often.

It was not in the normal way though. I took as she did not really love me unless she did. It was a fixation.

On the earliest posts there were comments on measuring ourselves. I did. I felt it was the one thing I could feel good about myself. It made me good. I noticed others and compared. I had to be complimented on it by girlfriends. I was certifiably insane... Looking back, oh my..

The weird things that became important to me have been mysterious until now.

I still enjoy when my wife compliments me on making love with her being good. But it isn't an obsession for validation like it used to be. Thankfully this one obsession faded.

With the hundreds of times I measured my penis, it never changed smile. How silly of me. As far as phases, that was fairly harmless. Although I suspect my tape measure may have jock itch.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

Top
#450518 - 10/18/13 01:07 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
felix33 Offline


Registered: 10/17/13
Posts: 4
Loc: California
Very well said. To connect with someone is the core issue; unfortunately the abuse screws it up. I am fixated too; am married and am happy with my wife. Blessings!
_________________________
felix33

Top
#455343 - 11/28/13 10:51 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
saint-of-Lost-Causes Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 57
Loc: Michigan
Wow kryptic...took the words out of my mouth!
_________________________
We accept the love we think we deserve!

Top
#455347 - 11/28/13 11:57 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Could it be that as humans we make too much out of this. Just saying.

Top
#456448 - 12/09/13 02:05 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 302
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
I suppose that's possible, but on the other hand we're learning more all the time about how complex brains are, and how much people's experiences affect their lives. So on the one hand, we could be making too much of it, and on the other hand, it may be far more complicated than we realize. There's also the possibility that things we think we know and take as correct could be shown to be wrong one day. Who knows?

Top
#457438 - 12/26/13 03:53 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
johndoe Offline


Registered: 11/15/13
Posts: 10
Loc: california
I too have an unexplainable penis fixation. I am not attracted to men, I am very much attracted to women. I do have a strange desire to "pleasure" men. I know that this is how I was used as a preteen by my abuser and a dark part of my mind wants to keep re-creating the acts for some reason. There are sometimes that I cannot get aroused with my wife (whom I love very much and am still very much attracted to) unless I fantasize about pleasuring some random faceless male. I cannot explain it, but it is how my brain is trained. The desires/fixations come and go (sometimes gone for months at a time), and today they are here strong.

Top
#457950 - 01/04/14 02:43 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
callo Offline


Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 2
His story is somewhat like mine exept l have not had sex with a woman and distant my self from other men l am aroused by them but can not see me living with one or gaving a romantic relationship my neighbors had sex with me when l was 10 until 12 they were 20 (two boys). I don't have sex at all for the last 18 years. I am now 33. I dont consider my self gay even thoug l have penis fixation. I hope I made my self clear and good luck. Thank you for sharing l feel identified.

Top
#457951 - 01/04/14 02:43 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
callo Offline


Registered: 10/25/13
Posts: 2
Callo

Top
#458043 - 01/05/14 02:51 PM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Wow, just read a few comments and sounds just like my situation. I believe I identify myself as bisexual yet I only want to give head or a hand job and not look at the guy at all. I have no attraction to men emotionally like I do to my wife but I get strong desires to satisfy men orally. I don't know how to explain it, my counsellor thought I was looking for a romantic involvement with a man but I want no part in that, just to be used I guess to get him off.

Top
#458226 - 01/08/14 03:53 AM Re: Penis Fixation ** Possible Triggers [Re: SpiritRisingMan]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 311
I just read this and found it very striking, " There is sex in souls as their is in bodies." Rape and abuse is a cloak, a fog, a sailor's mist to overcome in the weary night. Once we gain back our soul we gain back our identity and issues like these tend to fade. Self knowledge is the lock to open,the key is love, from above, from within, from without....
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

Top
Page 1 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.