Interesting topic. I am new to thinking and dealing with my CSA, it was non violent and lots of oral both ways. He was 15, I was 8. And sadly I must admit that i remember it with color clear detail. The skin tone even of his penis and salty taste of the semen. I hate this snapshot is burned in my memory. I am straight. And remembering this against my will felt like a violation upon every recollection. I feel like that if I could have a pin stuck in my brain to kill those cells that remember, I would. Even on here I hate writing it.
I know with no doubt that my high demand for oral on me for the rest of my life was related to that. I would not date a girl that did not so it often.
It was not in the normal way though. I took as she did not really love me unless she did. It was a fixation.
On the earliest posts there were comments on measuring ourselves. I did. I felt it was the one thing I could feel good about myself. It made me good. I noticed others and compared. I had to be complimented on it by girlfriends. I was certifiably insane... Looking back, oh my..
The weird things that became important to me have been mysterious until now.
I still enjoy when my wife compliments me on making love with her being good. But it isn't an obsession for validation like it used to be. Thankfully this one obsession faded.
With the hundreds of times I measured my penis, it never changed
. How silly of me. As far as phases, that was fairly harmless. Although I suspect my tape measure may have jock itch.