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#208355 - 03/02/08 12:19 AM So much to do and none of it easy
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: New Jersey
Everytime I think about moving forward in my life, what pops into my head is how much work I have to do and how I don't feel like I can do it. And even if I do I feel like it will take forever.

Psorasis, stuttering, anxiety, CSA issues, social phobia, self-esteem issues, finish college, find a new job, dating and I'm sure there is more that I haven't even thought of yet.

I know the answer most of you are going to give is do it one step at a time, but I don't know if I can, I don't know if I can just put blinders on to all the other problems in my life.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#208357 - 03/02/08 12:35 AM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: onlyakid]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Jtt that is the only way to get through it. Take one thing do it well, finish it and go to the next thing.
If you keep looking at the pile it will only get bigger.
Focus. Focus on one thing.

You can do this your a survivor. The kid in you has survived huge stuff and kept you alive. You have it within you. We are here for you guy.


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#208556 - 03/03/08 12:01 AM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: Freedom49]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
Jason,

I would have to echo what Roger is saying in taking things on one at a time (or at least not seeing your problems/issues as a sum-total thing that needs to be addressed all at once). It can be too overwhelming to try and fix everything at the same time. If you can deal with some of the small stuff, and get it out of the way, then the 'mountain' of problems become just a little less.

It is very common I think (I have heard the same story over and over from many people, and it echoed my own experiences) that when things build up to the point of being unmanageable, it is very easy to give up and then not even try. You mentioned that you don't think you could just take it one step at a time and ignore all the other stuff. I am not sure that you need to ignore everything, but do try and see if you can focus on getting done what you can to get it out of the way, and that can make things easier. Sometimes you need to take some of life's problems and just 'put them on the shelf' until you have more/better resources to deal with them. Otherwise the past can just get in the way of the present, even though you might not be in a position to deal with a certain part of the past just yet. At least this is how things have been for me.

Thing is, a lot of this stuff can be related I think. As you deal with some of these issues, I think you will notice improvements in some of the others. If you can get some of the easy stuff out of the way, you will have more energy to focus on some of the issues that by their very nature require more attention. Things should get better as you develop more coping skills for these kind of issues. I know in my past I was very overwhelmed by stuff, but I have developed better skills to deal, though I am in no way there yet, I'm only saying things are better than they have been. I hope this might be of some help.

Eric


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#208577 - 03/03/08 08:17 AM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: ericc]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
Don't know if lists work for you, but they do for me. Make yourself a written list of everything you want/need to do. Do the easy ones first, or at least "easy" in terms of the items on the list. Then move to the harder more long term ones. Keep the list, cross items off as you go, heck keep it with you at all times like Earl on "My Name is Earl".


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#208584 - 03/03/08 09:21 AM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: JustScott]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hi, Jason --

One thing that really helped me is to stop thinking of the work I was doing as things I needed to do before I could start living my life. Doing the work is living my life. Some of the things on my list are problems that are abuse-related. (Work on intimacy; learn to express anger; try to figure out what happened to me.) Some is just life stuff. (Do I like my job? How am I doing with money?)

I see both kinds of things in your list too. Can you accept that some kinds of challenges DO go on forever? (And wouldn't it be boring if all the challenges really were gone?) We always have some work to do--sometimes the most satisfying things that have ever happened to me have been in doing the work. I'm not waiting for the day when it's all over--just a future where I've moved forward and am more open and happier.

David



Edited by MemoryVault (03/03/08 09:21 AM)

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#208618 - 03/03/08 02:21 PM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: MemoryVault]
VLinvictus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 273
Loc: NY
If I look at the big picture, I get overwhelmed and paralyzed and scared. I want to hide under the bed.

What helps me is to break things down into stages, one step at a time, and only focus on the next step. What can I do now? If there is something I can't do anything about now, then it's not worth it to me to worry about it. I'll only get frustrated and depressed.

David's right. The work is my life, and the work won't be done until I'm dead -- and, today at least, I'm not in a hurry for that to happen (Thursday night might be a different story though...)

Dan

_________________________
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
~ Oscar Wilde

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#208692 - 03/03/08 10:15 PM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: VLinvictus]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
Jason,

I just wanted to add one more thing. I know for myself if I let things 'clutter up', it can make it harder to focus and deal with other issues. I'm talking about letting the mail pile up, the clothes not getting washed, the dishes, etc. This type of clutter is easy to address, and at least for myself, I know I feel better when I take care of it and keep things in better order. I just wanted to add that in case you are the type that can let things get into that type of situation. I'd say keep at it though whatever it takes and don't get overwhelmed (I know, easier said than done).

Eric


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#209075 - 03/06/08 04:14 AM Re: So much to do and none of it easy [Re: ericc]
copenbay Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 127
Hi,

It's so easy to look at too many things at once. I know I sure do. But if you can manage to work on one thing at a time until it gets done, it will be much better. I've had periods in my life when I couldn't possibly focus on anything more than trying to take care of each thing as it came up.
This 'survival' mode only works for so long, because it usually means someone else is calling the shots, not me. It's about what you really want to do. Make the choice and stick to it, and try to push aside other things so you don't get overwhelmed. I think we feel like we have to do everything, and that there won't be time if we just tackle things one by one.
Well, so what if there isn't? Some things really aren't that important anyway. Once we've started working we begin to see what matters, and what doesn't. But that does take quite a bit of time, and lots of help and encouragement along the way. Left to myself (without friends and counselors), I wouldn't get very far. I'm just saying it isn't all on your shoulders, not all the time anyway.

Ed


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