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#208328 - 03/01/08 09:01 PM Rant on blog becomes full disclosure - healing
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
My sister wrote on myspace blog
Quote:
Why do people use ???

Why do people drink and do drugs ? Its a proven fact that if you do these things it will screw your life up! Spend one day in a rehab program and see where it got those people,its not a pretty site !!!!! You may think its fun to be all fu*#ed up till something happens and you can't remember, you just know it did. People who are under the influance of any type of drugs are more apt to kill or harm someone,even children,and the ones they love !!! Its not them who suffer for thier actions ,ya they may feel bad and have regrets but the real suffering is the people that they hurt.The people that they kill when under the influance.And last the people they blame for thier actions because thier confused and dont know what happen to them, so they tell what they belive is true even though they dont know !!!!The only way to stop this crazyness is to stop using, stop drinking, teach your childred the dangers that go along with use.I myself have lost alot do to drinking and drugs and to this day i still suffer for the mistakes of others.It never heals, the hurt never goes away ! We just push it aside and go on.

-----------------------------------------
My response and I'm pretty pissed off.
====================================
There are some people who's lives have been messed up by other people innocent children molested and hurt, lied to and abused, threatened and manipulated until they don't even know which way is up. I sent you two emails and you never log in so they got deleted. but you know I really don't give a shit. Your not the only one going through pain and suffering as a result of drug & alcohol abuse. What about fucken child abuse I went through? 8 ass holes fucked up my life not drugs & alcohol. Drugs and alcohol were just a symptom of the abuse I suffered and I paid the price for 25 fucken years. How do you tell your family that you were sexually abused my men when your a little boy? I took responsibility for what I did I haven't been on drugs or alcohol for 5 years. No it don't make the hurt go away and have made amends the best I could. But you should understand that not everyone just chooses to fuck up their life. From my experience, and you know I have had more than my share, there are many people out there messed up because of other things that that happened to them that are too horrible to see the light of day. The reason I'm posting this here is you don't check your email enough to warrant me sending anymore. You want to know what happened to me and now you do. You want to blame someone for your pain go talk Frank B., Jean M., Jim M., Mikey?, Bill., Tim L., Karen A., The lady down the ally on pine street, Edith H. for giving me porn at 13, stuff like Hustler, OUI, Penthouse. WTF is up with that?
Do you think I wanted to live like I did? Do you think I had a choice? I was brainwashed, manipulated, and threatened! I did the best I knew how and it was just not good enough.
It was never good enough, I was never good enough. Dating sluts and cheap tramps, dating messed up people because I didn't think I deserved any better. You have no idea the guilt, shame, and fear I carried around with me from the age of 12. And I was told if I ever told I would be hurt psychically, put in jail, made fun of, not believed, called a lier. The last of these have happened.
Watch this and you may know what I went through and how I felt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFIZPYUd2dM
I'm sad that you have endured the pain you have and if any was because of me then I am truly sorry. This was not the life I wanted but its the I got and I'm doing the best I can with what I have left.




Edited by GateKPR4 (03/02/08 07:02 AM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#208333 - 03/01/08 09:27 PM Re: Rant on sisters blog *TRIGGERS* [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Good for you Ricky. You said it all and said it well. I hope she 'Gets it' but even if she doesn't you have stated your case very well and very strong. Thanks for sharing that and Kudos for you to standing up for your self. I am proud of you guy.


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#208338 - 03/01/08 09:54 PM Re: Rant on sisters blog *TRIGGERS* [Re: Freedom49]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Well as fate would have it. It was not even an hour after posting this rant my younger sister called. I told her about the blog and did a full disclosure with her.
I lived with her off and on through some of the rough times and she has seen me through an attempted suicide, drinking & drugs, loss of jobs. She had been my anchor to the real world since she always had appeared to have a stable life where my life was chaos. She was one who also wondered what happen to Ricky.
All she knew is that at 16-17 I was a different person, wild, uncaring, self destructive. Now she knows the truth of what happened to me and is grateful for me telling her what happened with the csa. She is supportive and she disclosed to me her experience. One of my perps tried to get her but she managed to get away from that person.

This is a positive healing experience for me. I hope that this will bring closure to many questions she had about my life that I had no answer to back then.



Edited by GateKPR4 (03/02/08 06:59 AM)
_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

Top
#208535 - 03/02/08 10:31 PM Re: Rant on sisters blog *TRIGGERS* [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Ricky that is so cool. I am so happy for you that you could do that for you and for your sister. Having some one on your side while you work through this stuff is awesome. I am glad for you. You have a wonderful sister there.


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