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#208117 - 02/29/08 06:57 PM blackout rage
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I am ready to explode or implode whatever happens first wether i hurt myself or someone else i could give a shit.

I have no idea what's going on with me and it's scaring me i just got in the car,by the way i just got it out of the shop AGAIN although covered under warranty,and the interior lights are not working on the dash/speedometer lights are out/partially lit odometer.....anyway i have been feeling this way for at least the last 4-5 hours and i want to punch something or someone and worry about the consequences afterwards.

This is the second time in about 3 weeks i have felt this way and it's ripping my soul in half to the point i literally feel like i want to hurt "whoever".....is this even normal for someone who has PTSD where i am so angry i want to hurt someone...i'm on meds and i had to take another serax for my nerves otherwise i have not a clue what has caused this.....i'm not going to sit here and pussyfoot around "my feelings".....because it doesn't matter anymore.

I failed to mention i yell at the dog, i bite my fiancess head off, i expecte(d) her to validate me,i expect this i expect that....what is going on with me i feel like i am losing it yet again....no one is going to have the answer and i'm the one who has to deal with the "the feelings".....i want an escape.....soon....i'm not sure i can take much more of "life"

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#208216 - 03/01/08 11:18 AM Re: blackout rage [Re: thecoopstah]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1959
Coop,

I hope you might be feeling a little better. I only wanted to inquire on the drinking you have mentioned in the past. Is that an issue again? I only ask because I know for me it can throw everything into kilter. Anyway, I hope things are going a little better, as I know this stuff can be tough.

Thanks care,
Eric


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#208234 - 03/01/08 12:49 PM Re: blackout rage [Re: ericc]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Actually eric i'm doing alot better thanks to my fiancee who loves me to death and is always there for me no matter what.

I'm a pretty lucky guy to have a woman like lisa who clearly loves me with all her heart seeing how i can be real intense at times with my thoughts/emotions.

God bless and i hope i can find my perserverance with the the anger.

With help support and understanding compassion i know i will be just fine.


Coop



Edited by ModTeam (03/02/08 02:57 PM)
_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#208245 - 03/01/08 01:48 PM Re: blackout rage [Re: thecoopstah]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Coop,
I do try to respond to your posts when I see them. I know your in a lot of pain. You confusion over all these emotions that are coming to you are creating a fear of losing control. That makes you angry and I know. Not knowing why you feel all this crap and why you are getting angry and short tempered can be scary. You need to know that it is sadly normal to have all this crap start to bubble up when your starting to really get now to the business of recovery. Really bad timing what with preparing for a wedding in all which is added stress. You have a lot on your plate fella and I hope you can get a chance to pare down some of it. If not you are going to have to muscle through it like the rest of us. UGH. Just know that I hear you and I am thinking of you and praying for you if that is ok.

As to no one responding to your angst; what am I? Chopped liver? lol just kidding.
hang in there buddy.
Your friend,


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#208265 - 03/01/08 03:40 PM Re: blackout rage [Re: Freedom49]
BMF Offline


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Toronto
Coop,

I'm sorry that you've been feeling left out. It's not a good feeling, especially when you badly need someone to care.

I worked through a great deal of my anger with martial arts. It was a sanctioned way to kick the crap out of someone, so nobody complained. It's been quite a while since I've done it, however, and the anger is starting to return (albeit to a much lesser degree). I sometimes go down to the basement and hit my punching bag for a while, especially if I know beforehand that my wife and I are going to have a "serious conversation". Sometimes I'm too tired to put up a real fight with her if I've already had a good go at it.

I hope you can find a constructive way to vent your rage. You can't let it destroy you or the people around you. You just can't. I think you should try to get rid of it daily if you can.

BMF

_________________________
If a man's character is to be abused, say what you will, there's nobody like a relation to do the business.
- William Makepeace Thackery

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