I think there are good reasons for why we don't see things right away. One of the most important of these reasons is that as adults we relate to the world around us using our rationality and reason - or we like to think that's what we do. But the feelings we carry with us from the abuse of our childhood are all about emotions, and emotions can so easily over rule reason. I think that's what's happening to you when you say this:
I've been living with the duality of KNOWING that it was my fault, and KNOWING that it wasn't. The flipping back and forth between these two states has caused me a great deal of confusion.
That is, as an adult you know
rationally that it wasn't your fault. How can it be the fault of a defenseless child? But the little boy within you always believed
it was his fault, and that feeling continues today.
Does this way of seeing things help you?